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1、龟兔赛跑在这个充满理想人物的城市里In a city of perfect people,不会有人过得比布鲁克更完美no one was more perfect than Brooke.她是个室内设计师约会通常只有固定的阶层She was an interior designer who only dated A-list guys.对她而言周六的夜晚就像是高中舞会For Brooke, every Saturday night was like the senior prom. 因此当她结婚时So when she got married,我们都急着想看是谁有这个能耐we were all
2、 dying to see which one had made the cut.难道只有我记得Was I the only one who remembered她曾说过这个男人that Brooke once described this man无聊得像块砖头吗as more boring than exposed brick?这是个花费约十万美金的普通婚礼It was your average $100,000 wedding.来的有女人讨厌的银行投资客Investment bankers and the women who hate them, 还有斯坦纳高中的同学戴尔顿和布朗 clas
3、smates from Steiner, Dalton, and Brown. 再来是我们And us.我们看起来真像四个老巫婆We looked like The Witches of Eastwick.这种规模的婚礼都会留两桌给单身者认识的机会A wedding this size always has two singles tables.我们坐的是另外一桌We were at the other one.你好Hello.你好我叫柏尼托德陶是新郎的朋友Hi. Tm Bernie Turtletaub, friend of the groom.那只乌龟也来了It was The Turtl
4、e.他是曼哈顿的传奇A Manhattan legend known for two things.Later that week, I met Brooke.她刚度完蜜月回来但这场蜜月却有如一笔生意Just back from her honeymoon, she was all business. The business of marriage.我想退还这些东西Yes, Fd like to return these.能不能用它们换个好一点的礼物？Is there any way you can melt them down into one decent gift?是他的朋友送的His
5、 friends.你的婚后生活如何？So. how is it being married?好极了Oh, its fabulous.就好像重了好几公斤I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted.这是好事吗And thats a good thing.你这话是什么意思？What*s that supposed to mean?我只是想问Oh, just, um.I mean, just means youre, youre.你和艾伦快乐吗I meant youre happy with Allen, right?我很快乐Yes, Im happy
6、!那我也为你高兴Well, then, Im happy for you.我希望这话不会误导你Hey, listen, um.I hope I didnt give you the wrong idea.我认为艾伦很不错I. I think Allens great.只是他的事业非常成功I just, I mean, hes incredibly successful.我们都认为我们是卡洛琳巴塞Look, we all think were Carolyn Bessette.某天我们却会.One day John Johns out of the picture很高兴遇到一个and were
7、happy just to have some guy会丢飞盘的人who can throw around a Frisbee.你看那是谁？Oh! Well, look whos here. Hey, you two!你们好Hey!这个世界真小-Oh, my God! -What a small world!我真不敢相信I couldn*t believe it.乌龟竟然穿起了苏格兰裙It was The Turtle, wearing Helmut Lang.他这身行头真帅Wow, he looks great.是吗Doesnt he?他竟然在秀他的衣服Oh, he twirls.还不错吧？
8、What do you think?太棒了Fabulous.他就像脱胎换骨了一样Hes like a whole new person.我三点是不是还有事？ 对了-Dont I have a three oclock? -Oh, thatrs right. 我要带他做脸部按♥摩♥Im taking him to Bliss for a facial.-回头见再见-Oh, enjoy. -See you later.再见-Bye. -Bye.我也得走了Oh, you know, I have to run too.我再打给你-Oh. -fll call you.好Ok
9、ay.她很聪明她看起来很快乐Smart girl. She seems happy.莎曼珊和乌龟一起离开Samantha left with The Turtle.布鲁克也带着新的礼物走了Brooke left with a better gift.我却在想And I left wondering曼哈顿的人是否都定下来了if everyone in Manhattan was settling.我坐禅的师♥父&hearts浩诉我My Zen teacher once told me瑜珈最能平静躁动的心that there was nothing like yoga to quie
10、t a busy mind.正当我到达放空的境界时Just as I had reached the moment of no thought.我的阴 ♥道♥破 了I think I broke my vagina.我拉得太用力了吗Oh, Char, am I pulling too hard?我只是打个比方我指的是兔子”No, metaphorically I mean, with the Rabbit.你已经开始用了？Oh, so youve been using it?没错我怕要是继续用下去Yes, and Im scared if I keep using
11、it,以后就无法和男人燕好Fil never be able to enjoy sex with a man again.为什么？Why?你是否曾遇过一个Well, have you ever been with a man,对你体贴入微的男人你和他在一起感觉很棒you know, and like, he*s doing everything, and it feels good.但你却没办法But somehow you, you just canrt manage to； um.高♥潮♥ ?-对-Cum? -Shh. Yeah.可是我和兔子就不同Well, i
12、t*s weird, cause with the Rabbit,我每次都能高♥潮♥its like every time, boom!有一次我还来了五分钟And one time, I came for like, five minutes.夏洛特这又不犯法Well, Charlotte, honey； its not illegal.没有男人做得到Yeah, but no man ever did that.我好怕我该怎么办？I mean Im scared. What am I gonna do?你还是可以找男人和兔子享受鱼水之欢Well, you know,
13、 you could still enjoy sex with the man and the Rabbit.没办法我已经用过了No, no, no, I am done with it.以后我绝不再碰那玩意Thatrs it. I am never gonna touch that thing again.我今晚不能去看芭蕾舞剧了Oh, um, uh, Ive got to cancel on the ballet tonight.为什么？Oh. Why?因为我在等Oh, Im, uh, expecting a, uh, a phone call.一通大西洋彼岸的长途电♥话&h
14、earts;a long-distance phone call. Transatlantic.夏洛特永远不擅长说谎Charlotte could never tell a decent lie.有人上瘾绝逃不过我的法眼I knew an addict when I saw one.天啊我好爱睡美人Oh, God I love Sleeping Beauty!它的音乐场景服装The music, the sets, the costumes!都浪漫极了It*s so romantic!这是因为她睡了 100年You only like it because she gets to sleep却
15、一点也不老for 100 years and she doesnt age.当晚我请史丹佛去看芭蕾舞剧I invited Stanford to the ballet.因为我知道他有空I knew he was available.史丹佛他们很可爱对吧？Hey, Stanford, cute, huh?我真不想看到别的男同志Ive had it with the whole gay scene.竞争太激烈了Its so competitive.你绝不相信我上星期的遭遇You wont believe what happened to me last week.他显然厌倦了酒吧和盲目约会Evid
16、ently, Stanford, tired of bars and blind dates, 才决定刊登广♥告♥decided to place a personal ad.他和唯一回复的人约好He scheduled a rendezvous with the only respondent 在寒冷的周日午后见面on a cold, Sunday afternoon.20分钟内他表错了三次情Twenty minutes and three false alarms later,于是他便宣告放弃Stanford was ready to call it quits
17、.史丹佛？Stanford?我是Yes.抱歉我们不可能有发展的Sorry, this is not gonna happen.外面的世界太残酷了Ifs so brutal out there.连长相和我相当的都看不上我Even guys like me dont want guys like me.我的样子根本不适合当同性恋I just dont have that gay look.这倒不尽然我就觉得你挺帅的I dont know, you look pretty gay to me.也许你只是时运不济Come on, maybe its just a phase.青春期只有一个阶段Pube
18、rty is a phase.15年饱受拒绝会成为一种行为模式Fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle.我有时会想干脆娶个女人I mean, sometimes I think I should just marry a woman 拿了钱就算了and get all the money.有人用钱奖励你结婚吗What, is there a cash prize?没错我奶奶会在每个子孙Oh, yeah. My grandmother gives everyone in the family 婚后分他一份遗产their inheritance when
19、they get married.她不知道你是同性恋？She doesnt know you*re gay?她不相信有同性恋She doesnt believe in gay.是吗？真有意思Oh, really? Thats funny.大人物也不相信婚姻Big doesnt believe in marriage.也许你应该向我求婚Maybe you should propose to me,我们就能快乐的过日子了and well all live happily ever after.你还真是贪心You really do want it all.也许没有人能样样兼得吧I dont kno
20、w. Maybe nobody gets it all.不过你说的有道理Though, you do have a point.我们是好朋友Were best friends.又能逗彼此开心We make each other laugh.我们都和男人睡觉We both sleep with men!这个主意真的不赖You know, this is not a bad idea at all.我是开玩笑的Well, actually, I was kidding.我可不是你想想看Im not! Think about it.谁能供你买♥♥昂贵的皮鞋Who else
21、 will keep you in expensive shoes又鼓励你欺骗他？and encourage you to cheat?有道理Now youre talking!周五晚上Friday night at the ballet我和一个男人分享我的情欲和紧身裤的芭蕾舞者with a man who shared my passion for hot men in tights.周末下午却与一个男人Saturday afternoon in bed with a man分享我的热情who shared my passion for passion.也许世上真有样样兼得的好事Maybe
22、there was such a thing as having it all.你在笑什么？Whats that smile about?昨晚有人向我求婚Oh, I got a marriage proposal last night.真的？Really?是谁？-Mm. -From whom?一个英俊诙谐又将继承一笔遗产的年轻人A very handsome, witty, young man about to come into his inheritance. 原来如此Oh, I see.我认识他吗Anyone I know?他叫史丹佛Actually his name is Stanfo
23、rd,史丹佛巴勒奇Stanford Blatch.他不是男同性恋吗I thought he was gay.没错He is.这下你的专栏又有主题可写了That should make for an interesting column.你打算怎么解决性的问题？What are you going to do about sex?我有你啊I have you.看来你都计划好了I guess you*ve got it all figured out,巴勒奇太太Mrs. Blatch.他越是嘲笑我The more he mocked me,就越让我觉得这方法可行the more convinced
24、 I became that this idea was genius.当晚我和米兰达决定That night, Miranda and I had plans和夏洛特参加一个画廊的开幕酒会to join Charlotte for a gallery opening in Chelsea when.-哪位？ -凯莉是我夏洛特-Hello. Carrie, its Charlotte.抱歉我得取消今晚的约会Oh, Im really sorry, but Im gonna have to cancel.我被彻底摧毁了Yeah, Im totally wiped out.摧毁？Wiped out
25、.这是夏洛特的说法That was Charlotte speak for意思就是“我要和我的按♥摩♥棒&hearts洪度今晚”Im spending the night with my vibrator.祝你们玩得愉快But you guys have fun, though.现在只有一个办法There was only one thing to do.就是阻止那只兔子A Rabbit intervention.该出发了Come on, lets go.它在哪里？Okay, where is it?你在说什么？What are you talking about?
26、把兔子交出来夏洛特The Rabbit, Charlotte, give us the Rabbit.拜托 那只是个按♥摩♥棒♥Hey, hey, hey, its a vibrator!又不是古♥柯♥碱Its not like its crack.夏洛特你竟然把它藏在兔娃娃后面Oh, Charlotte, you hid the Rabbit behind a stuffed rabbit?你太夸张了That is so you.你们竟然还敢闯进来You guys have a lot of nerve coming in
27、 here.这可是你劝我买♥♥的You*re the one who made me get it.我以为你能处理得很好啊I thought you could handle it.这又没什么Its no big deal.我只是想留在家Fd just rather stay home with the Rabbit省得出去应付男人嘛than go out and deal with men.好吧你们说得对All right. Youre right.我去换衣服Ell go get dressed.借由我们这帮好友的帮助With a little help from
28、 her friends,夏洛特终于决定不自己解决需求Charlotte decided that she wasnt going to settle for herself.莎曼珊用尽一切方法While Samantha was doing everything in her power将乌龟改造成她会喜欢的典型to remake The Turtle into a man she could fall in love with.晚餐还可口吗Hows your dinner?好奇怪It*s questionable.我吃不出这是松菇还是酒杯蘑菇I cant figure out whethe
29、r the mushrooms in this sauce are shiitake or chanterelle.绝对不是猪菇Theyre definitely not porcini.或许是木耳-Maybe theyre wood ear.或许没那么重要吧Maybe it doesnt matter.天啊这是喇叭菇My God, theyre trompettes!这时候莎曼珊才意识到It was then that Samantha realized即使她费尽心机that even with all her effort, 他仍然是个无可救药的乌龟he was still just Th
30、e Turtle in black.我突然觉得不太舒服You know. Tm not feeling very well.我还是先回家好了I think Im going to have to send myself home.我再打电♥话♥给你Ill call you.小姐你喜欢这件衬衫吗Excuse me. Do you like this shirt?是我的前女友为我挑选的My ex-girlfriend picked it out.在通过12通电♥话♥和三封电子邮件之后After 12 phone calls and three
31、 e-mails, 史丹佛缠着我一定要见他的奶奶Stanford badgered me into at least meeting his grandmother. 我好喜欢你这身套装I love that suit youre wearing.这是香奈儿亲手设计的Designed by Coco Chanel herself.真的吗Seriously?奶奶这件套装买♥♥ 了 40年了Oh, Grandmothers been wearing that same suit for 40 years. 现在还是很合时宜And it still fits.从来没过时-
32、It never goes out of style. -Never.我有蓝黑粉红I have it in blue, black, pink.还有乳白色的And eggshell!没错Exactly.史丹佛说你是个作家Stanford tells me youre a writer.对我为星辰日报写专栏Yes, I have a column in The Star.以精准的投资和口臭闻名Good investments and bad breath.我的脚快痛死了God, my feet are killing me.快来坐下吧不-Here, sit down. -I cant.这衣服只有
33、站着还能看This outfit only works if Im standing.我倒觉得换个方式看也不错Oh, I think it works either way.我的桌子在那边You know, I. I think Im at that table over there.你的朋友真美Your friend is gorgeous.我要怎么做才能进一步认识她？What do I have to do to get to know her better?你觉得这个水果蛋糕里放的是波斯克梨还是巴特利梨？Do you think the pears in this tart are Bo
34、se or Bartlett?谁会管这些啊？Who cares?两小时后我们都觉得无聊透顶Two hours later, we were bored.菜也越上越少Supplies were dwindling；我们的一位船友甚至跳船了and one of our passengers had jumped ship.我们要不要过去抢捧花？So are we going to stick around and catch the bouquet?我们不可能结婚的That is so not going to happen.这一定是波斯克梨Bose! They*ve got to be Bose
35、.你们相信我还是结婚了吗Oh, can you believe I finally did it?你是下一个Mm! You*re next!比尔有几个单身的朋友很不错Bilfs got some great single friends.嫁个爱你的人It*s always better to marry someone比嫁个你爱的人要好多了多年前我也是个职业妇女I was a career woman many, many years ago.后来为了生孩子放弃了But I gave it up to have children.这是你吗Oh, wow! Is this you?长得还不错吧？
36、Not a bad looking girl. Dont you think?当然No.她是不是很像北非谍影里的Doesnt she look exactly like Deborah Kerr黛博拉卡尔？in An Affair to Remember ?没错She does.我的天Oh, my God!这一定是史丹佛吧This has to be Stanford.你一点都没变够了Youre the same person! -Okay, thats enough.有什么关系嘛Oh, come on, this is fun.我从不知道你有个大家族I had no idea you had
37、 such a big family.你呢？And how about you, honey?你想要一个家庭吗Do you want a family?当我看着那些家族的纪念照As I looked around at all the memorabilia and family photographs, 新郎新娘子子孙孙时the faces of brides and grooms, children and grandchildren,我突然了解到I realized.我愿意Yes, I do.史丹佛乖孙子Uh, Stanny, be a dear.到厨房♥去帮我拿几根火柴来
38、Go in the kitchen and get me some matches.好Of course.我很爱史丹佛I love my Stanford.他是个好孩子Hes a very sweet boy.但他却是个男同性恋者But you know, he is a fruit.这时我才了解到史丹佛能从他奶奶那里继承的I realized then that the only inheritance Stanford was going to get 是她的香奈儿套装from his grandmother was her collection of Chanel suits.盐巴Sal
39、t. yeah.那天晚餐时我知道我得向大人物坦白That night at dinner, I knew I would have to break the news to Mr. Big. 怎么样？What do you think?我总有一天要结婚的Look, I do want to get married someday.或许不是今天但是I mean, maybe not today, but I just. I dont want to.我不能和一个不婚的男人交往I cant date somebody that wont. You know, whats the point?盐加得
40、太多了Definitely too much salt.时间的拿捏很重要I mean, its all in the timing.大蒜得煮烂再把洋葱丢下去You gotta brown the garlic before you put in the onions.你懂我的意思吗Know what I mean?我觉得我们处得很愉快I thought we were having fun.好多了不过还有改善的空间Its bitter, but definitely has possibilities.你的嘴唇上沾了点酱汁You got a little bit of sauce on the
41、 lip right.there.我坐禅的师♥父♥曾经说过想得到真正的幸福My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness 只有活在当下别去想未来is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. 后来他死的时候既未结婚又身无分文Of course, he died penniless and single.who loves you more than you love them.大家总爱说些我不想听的话People are always t
42、elling me things I dont want to hear.但这次也实在太过分了But this one crossed the line.我把你吵醒了吗Hey. Did I wake you?没有Not at all.我问你Question.两个人既然不相爱为何要结婚？Why do people get married if theyre not in love?不知道I don*t know.也许是需要伴侣内疚Companionship. Guilt.或想寻求政♥治♥庇护吧Political asylum?那你为何结婚？Well, why did
43、you get married?我以前是恋爱中的傻子I was a fool in love.说得真好听Oh, that is so sweet.后来成了离婚法庭里的傻子Hmm. And then, I was a fool in divorce court.现在只是个傻子Yeah, and now, youre just a fool.完全正确所以我绝对不会再婚Exactly, which is why Im never getting married again.忽然间我开始全神贯注听他的呼吸Suddenly, I had to concentrate on breathing.你的床上还
44、有人吗Are you in bed with someone?没有你有吗No, are you?只有三块结婚蛋糕Just three slices of wedding cake.你会吃醋吗Are you jealous?视情况决定That depends.你打算怎么处理那些糖霜？What are your plans for the frosting?晚安Goodnight.晚安Goodnight.挂上电♥话♥之后我就想I hung up the phone, wondering.我要和一个不婚的男人交往吗could I date a man who would
45、never get married?一个不婚的男人这简直是午夜级的电影Wow! A guy who doesnrt want to get married! Film at 11:00!别告诉我你听了很惊讶Dont tell me youre surprised by this.你认识想结婚的男人吗You know who wants to get married?我只认识会想老妈的男人Men who miss their mommies.看来她们不是我倾吐的对象Maybe this wasnt my target audience.也许只有我讨厌结婚这件事吧Am I the only one who thinks this is a major bummer?要是你和他在一起五年What if you spend five years with him,无新意了怎么力、？a