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1、“新生儿送礼会”我们打开天窗说亮话Lets be honest有时候要为别人感到高兴Sometimes there is nothing harder in life真不是件容易的事than being happy for somebody else.比如说乐透彩得主Like lottery winners或某个27岁的成功人士or extremely successful people who are twenty-seven.而最痛苦的就是And then theres that hell on earth连朋友的鸡毛蒜皮小事都要麻烦你that only your closest frie
2、nds can inflict on you.新生儿的送礼会The baby shower.你不能把我五花大绑拖去参加You could not drag me to that thing if you put a grappling hook in my mouth. 老实说蛮可悲的Frankly, I think its sad.她得用孩子来证明自己的价值The way shes using a child to validate her existence.没错Exactly.她为何不学学我们利用性和酒来证明自己Why cant she just use sex and a nice c
3、ocktail like the rest of us?我为她感到高兴Im happy for her. I am.如果我再看到罐鸟If I see another crepe paper stork,肯定撕烂它的嘴Im gonna rip its cardboard beak off.你是讨厌送礼会？Can I ask you.would any baby shower bother you还是讨厌兰妮办的？or is this one worse because its Laneys?讨厌兰妮办的Laney Berlin.你无法用言语形容兰妮柏林You cant really descri
4、be he.When I was senior vice president,每天有212位员工要向我报告212 people reported to me on a daily basis.现在我只能对着园丁大吼Now I just yell at the gardener.而他却一个字也听不懂who doesn*t understand a single word.我还是一样Im exactly the same.热爱我的生活I love my life.现在无时无刻我都只想到莉莎But every now and then I cant help but think about.Lisa
5、.有时我会带着随身听爬到孩子们的树屋Sometimes I climb up into the kids* tree house with my Walkman, 点根大♥麻♥听彼得费普顿的歌♥light up a joint and listen to Peter Frampton.喂乳的孕妇能大吃牛排Theres a woman in there breastfeeding a child who can chew steak. 你知道我是什么感觉？You know how I feel about that?如果你想这么做那可能也过了年纪了If
6、you can ask for it, youre probably too old to have it.杰瑞米不可以Jeremy, no!我刚恍然大悟I just realized,或许成长该伴随着成熟与智慧maybe its maturity or the wisdom that comes with age,但“韩森和葛莉特童话中的巫婆弄错了but the witch in Hansel and Gretel, shes very misunderstood.女人建造了自己的梦幻之屋I mean, the woman builds her dream house但爱捣蛋的小鬼们却纷纷来
7、破坏and these brats come along and start eating it.你家真是漂亮I just have to tell you your home is beautiful.谢谢Thank you.这是人生的重大改变I know it*s a big change.但到了某个时刻就得认真看待人生安定下来But at some point you have to get serious and settle down.生活可不是像贾桂琳苏珊小说I mean, life is not a Jacqueline Susann novel.四个好友在城市中寻找真爰Four
8、 friends looking for life and love in the big city.住手Stop it.这是你的送礼会不用自己清You are not gonna clean up at your own shower.对放轻松一旦陶德或夏拉出生后Yeah, relax, cause once little Todd or Shayla comes around, 你就有得忙了youll never stop cleaning up.你刚说夏拉 ?Shayla? Did you say Shayla?这名字很特殊吧？Its so unique, isnt it?那是我的名字I
9、ts so my name.你应该是夏洛特吧？I thought your name was Charlotte.不是我取的名字No, its not my name. Its my name.那是我11岁时My secret baby name that I made up when I was为以后的女儿所取的名字eleven years old for my daughter when I had her.我告诉过你I told you.你没告诉过我我不记得了Don*t tell me you dont remember.抱歉真的没有No, Im sorry. I. I really d
10、ont.简直是在说谎A complete lie.她记得的She remembered.我们全都记得We all remembered.夏洛特还要我们大家发誓绝不能用这个名字Charlotte had made us all swear never to use it.可能是我先生在哪儿听到的Anyway, I think my husband heard it somewhere else.是吗？在哪？我可没告诉他Really, where? Because I didnt tell him.你居然会为个名字这么激动I cant believe youre freaking out over
11、 a name.你根本都还没怀孕I mean, youre not even pregnant.这不是重点Thats not the point!怎么了？Whats going on?她偷了我女儿的名字She stole my baby name.贱♥货♥You bitch!走吧Lets go.坐在第五大道的弗兰格酒吧里开怀畅饮Beers and bar nuts at Flanagans off route five是消除在兰妮家所受屈辱的最佳疗伤法were the perfect antidote to Laneys house of humiliation.假
12、如我早点生那名字就是我的If I hadnt waited this long to have a baby； that name would be mine. 夏洛特你还年轻Oh, Charlotte, come on. Youre still young.要生孩子时间多得是You have plenty of time to have children.才不是No, no I dont.我才不要当个40岁的妈妈I dont want to be one of those forty-year-old moms.没有冒犯之意No, no offense.我也不想当高龄产妇Well, I do
13、n*t want to be one of them either.我可能也很难怀孕There are no frozen eggs in my freezer.化妆室干净吗？Was the bathroom clean?你觉得呢？What do you think?所以我才这么讨厌送礼会This is why I hate baby showers.参加后总是心情沮丧Always leave feeling depressed.派提再来一巡Patty, another round.我可是热爱我的生活Well, I for one love my life and I will not be我
14、才不会因为这种无聊事就觉得自己不如人made to feel inadequate by all this baby talk.我和位财经女强人谈话时I spoke to a woman with a master*s in finance.她的话题都绕着尿布打转All she wanted to talk about was her Diaper Genie.根本没必要这样Oh, come on, you guys, it doesnt have to be like that.不用为孩子而牺牲掉自己You don*t have to lose yourself to have a kid.
15、我知道城里有很多时髦的辣妈I know plenty of cool, hip mothers who live in the city 而且事业成功and who still have great careers and stuff.谁？-Who? -Who?我的月事晚了Im late. I missed my period.派提酒怎么还没来？Patty, honey, where are those beers?晚了多久？How late?几天而已一星期I dont know, just a few. seven days.亲爰的灰色地带Oh, honey, gray area.没错你只是
16、准备行刑True, youre in front of the firing squad, 还没被枪决but you haven*t been shot.我有次晚了十天I was once ten days late.是吗？Really?你有做♥爱♥ ?Were you having sex?没有No.你打算怎么做？What are you gonna do?告诉大人物？You gonna tell Mr. Big?不我不打算告诉他除非我知道No, I am not gonna tell him until I know what I.我知道该怎么Until I k
17、now how I. What.除非我知道No, Imam not going to tell him该怎么说完这句话until I know how to finish the sentence.我错过了什么？What did I miss?没有Nothing.当晚夏洛特拿出她的愿望箱That night, Charlotte got out her wish box where she kept她把这一生所许过的愿望都放在里面reminders of all the things she hoped for in life.给夏拉的礼物A gift for Shayla.在城里拥有一间大宅
18、邸A townhouse in the city.在东汉普顿有间海滨别♥墅♥A beach house in East Hampton.白马王子Her dream man.替补的白马王子Her back-up dream man.令人奇怪的是脑中居然没有你这一生的画面Its very strange when the life you never had flashes before your eyes. 于是早上八点时我抓了个人♥质♥Carrie held hostage, day eight.和米兰达去逛街Miranda and I
19、went shopping.子♥宫♥好像觉得快爆掉了Im on total ovary overload.我该买♥♥哪一种？Which kind do I get?这个拍卖♥♥品只要半价Here, this ones on sale. Half off.亲爱的我上星期刚花395美元Sweetie, I just spent three hundred and ninety-five dollars 买♥♥ 了双古驰的开趾凉鞋on a pair of open toed Guccis
20、last week.现在不是省钱的时刻-好吧-This is not the place to be frugal. -All right.这个呢？Well, what about this one?一试就灵我记得它Oh, First Response. I remember First Response.我记得以前用过这牌子来复验I had a very reassuring moment once with First Response.以防万一Heres hoping.如果我怀孕怎么办？What if I am?就接受现实If you am, you am.我对这种事根本不在行I don
21、t think Id be very good at this.我像是具有母爱的人？I mean, am I maternal?我小的时候-Um. -You know, when I was a little girl,我连续四天把洋娃娃放在外面淋雨I left my favorite baby doll out in the rain for four days.弄得面目全非Her face peeled off.这可不是好征兆That canft be good.对但Yeah, but, I mean, if you.有次我很生气还把它的头发剃光I shaved my Barbie*s h
22、ead when I was mad at her.小时候我把橡皮筋When I was little, I took a rubber band绕在我的狗“胡椒的鼻子上and put it around my dog Peppers snout.-怎么了？-天啊-What? -Oh, God.你能想像那画面Can you picture it?我们有Us with.孩子Kids?怀孕Babies.我可能办不到ril probably end up with five.经过五个钟头吃了两包口香糖后Five hours and two packs of gum later,我决定除非自己已作好准
23、备I decided I couldnt take the test否则就不看检查结果till I knew exactly how I felt about the results.绝对不看Either way.你好Hello.我是兰妮Its Laney.只是想告诉你很高兴见到你们I just wanted to tell you it was so great to see you guys the other day.我知道自己不对I know I was a big bitch,可能是荷尔蒙作崇but you gotta know my hormones are going wild.
24、事实上兰妮的荷尔蒙从十岁起就开始作崇了The truth is Laneys hormones have been going wild since she was ten.看到你们让我想起以前快乐的时光And seeing you made me remember how much fun we used to have.对以前狂欢作乐的日子Yeah, we did. Its amazing how much time has gone by. 还用你说Tell me about it.但我真的很想念大家But I miss us. I really do.我们应该常聚聚We should
25、get together more often.我说的是在一起聚聚But, I mean, we should get together.不是说说而已而是真的找时间聚聚Not just say were going to, but really do it.必须的Absolutely.但我得走了要迟到了Listen, fve got to go. Im running late.你要去哪里？Where you off to?莎曼珊办了个派对Um, actually Samanthas having one of her parties.-是吗?-对-She is? -Yeah.真好Oh, ma
26、n.这就是我怀念的地方我喜欢莎曼珊的派对See, thats the kind of thing. I love Samanthas parties. 你怎么不通知我？Why didnrt you tell me?下次好吗？我保证Next time, I promise, all right?好吧再见Okay, bye.面对自己不如人之处Faced with her own inadequacy,莎曼珊决定有所行动做些她最擅长的事Samantha did something only Samantha could do.她办了个“我没有小孩”的送礼会She threw an I dont ha
27、ve a baby1 shower让大家知道她的迷人之处to let everyone know she was fabulous.很高兴见到你Great to see you.我没有小孩Oh, I dont have a baby!大家尽量喝Everybody drink!好玩吧？Are you having fun?对但没米兰达那么好玩Yes, I am, but not quite as much fun as Miranda.米兰达仍然相信有了婚姻小孩生活就无望了Still convinced that marriage plus baby equals death, 她选择即时享乐M
28、iranda chose life.他是莎曼珊的会计师艾德Also known as Ed, Samanthas accountant.若她在沙发上搞就得买♥♥下来If she fucks on that couch, she buys it.大家好Hey, you guys.好戏上场了The entertainment has arrived.你来做什么？What are you doing here?做我最擅长的事What I do best.狂欢Partying!我们还是坐下吧Here, maybe we better sit down.吧台在哪儿？Fuck
29、no. Wheres the bar?给我杯饮料Somebody get me a drink!我不确定你觉得这样好吗？No, I dont know, Laney. You think thats a good idea? 反正我随时都会生Fuck yeah, Tm due any day.喝杯酒有什么关系？Whats one little drink gonna matter?说不定还有助于生产Maybe it will help me go into labor.她敢在沙发上生就得买♥♥卜它She gives birth on that couch, she
30、buys it.你在这里做什么？What are you doing here?她来这里做什么？What is she doing here?我想念大家-想念我们？-I missed you guys. -Oh, us, us?是谁说我们是活在The pathetic, live for the moment,贾桂琳苏珊小说中的四个可悲单身女郎？New York single girls who think that life is a Jacqueline Susann novel?你一定常在想这个问题但Look, Im sure you get asked this all the tim
31、e, but.你到底哪里有问题？what is your problem?我的问题？My problem?简单说就是你毁了我的梦想Just that I had a dream and you killed it in a nutshell.是吗？那么你们可真幸运Really? Well, then youre lucky.还知道梦想的结果Because at least you know what happened to your dream.我却连自己在做什么都不知道I have absolutely no idea what happened to mine.接下来的一个小时我忙着把她们
32、两个分开I spent the next hour keeping Charlotte away from Laney也忙着不让兰妮喝太多伏特加酒and Laney away from the vodka.看谁出现了？Well, well, well, look who came up for air.他是个接吻高手还免费帮我报税Hes a good kisser and hes gonna do my taxes for free.对不起凯莉Excuse me. Sorry. Hey, Carrie.你好强纳森Hey, Jonathan.我刚和你朋友夏洛特谈了很久Listen, Ive ju
33、st been talking to your friend； Charlotte.她真的很迷人她有在和谁约会吗？Shes really great. Is, um, she seeing anybody?只能亲身体会You just had to know her.那是八年前的事你可能也在场Chances are eight years ago, you probably did.饶了我吧So help me.若她在我沙发上搞就得买♥♥下She fucks on my couch, she buys it.你就是用这招买♥♥下我的沙发I
34、snt that how you got the couch from me?兰妮 让我们看一下咪♥咪♥Hey, Laney, show us your tits!拜托少来了Oh, give it a rest.你们还没看够吗？You guys have seen enough of my tits.兰妮的记录辉煌Laney did A&R for a record label,可能就像她自己说的为了性而付出惨重代价or as she used to call it, sex with an expense account.她只要一从童子军营回来Every time
35、 she went on a scouting trip,就会带些新东西回家she came back with some hot new group像是不常见的妇女病and a gynecological condition no one had ever heard of.现场这么多人围观Those things make so many public appearances；她应该请个经纪人才对they need a booking agent.看看她Look at her.自信心不足的海报女郎The poster girl for low self-esteem.我自信心也不足但我用健
36、康的方式来满足自己You know, I have low self-esteem but I express it the healthy way 吃一大盒的欧瑞尔饼干by eating a box of Double Stuf Oreos.她真可悲Shes so sad.脱掉待字闺中Wide open.只要别提夏拉这名字就好Just dont mention the name Shayla.对不起？Sorry?没什么私人笑话Nothing. Itrs a private joke.放手去追吧Go forth. and date.他是强纳森比克斯His name was Jonathan B
37、icks.是位房♥地 ♥产♥商He was a trader at Bear Stearns刚成交了一笔汉普顿的房♥子and had just closed escrow on a house in the Hamptons.夏洛特突然觉得她并非失去一切Charlotte suddenly realized all was not lost.当她啜饮啤酒时As she sipped her beer,脑子里已开始策划她的梦幻之屋she mentally scotch-taped her dream house back together
38、again. 这派对烂透了This party sucks.兰妮我送你回去吧？Laney； maybe we should think about getting you home, all right? 不我不要回去No, I dont want to go back there.各位 谁想看我的咪♥咪♥ ?Hey, you fuckers! Who wants to see my tits?我想看Ill take a look.兰妮回来别这样Laney, Laney, come on, come back. Dont do this.放轻松会很好玩的Relax.
39、 This is gonna be fun.好开始狂欢了All right, look. Now were gonna have a party.孕妇要秀她的咪♥咪♥ 了All right. Pregnant lady showing her tits!天啊Oh, my God.我本来还以为自己很可悲This is at once so sad但这让我再次确认我的生活是美好的and the most fabulous validation Ive ever gotten in my life. 有点怪This is weird.我觉得我办不到I dont think
40、 I can do this.算了吧No biggie.兰妮除了想重获自♥由♥生活外Despite her best efforts to run free,显然她的隐形电墙it appeared that Laney Berlins invisible electric fence也蔓延到曼哈顿了stretched all the way to Manhattan.我知道自己办得到No, no, I know I can do it.只要再给我次机会Just. just give me one more chance.兰妮你已经不是以前的你了Laney, Lane
41、y, its not who you are anymore.没关系的Its all right.但我不知道事情怎会变成这样But I didnt know that was gonna happen.没人告诉我会变成这样No. nobody told me that was gonna happen.应该有人要警告我I mean, somebody should warn you.没关系All right.有一天当你醒来时One day youre gonna wake up却再也认不出自己and youre not gonna recognize yourself.麻烦载她到康涅狄格州Ca
42、n you take her to Connecticut?隔天我花了一整天坐在公园里看着小孩玩耍I spent the entire next day sitting on a park bench watching children play. 如果我有孩子我能应付得来吗？If I had to, could I do this?当个称职的妈妈？Would I be any good?我该如何保住自我？Would I somehow manage to stay me?你好Hello.天啊Oh, my.抱歉Oh, sorry.没关系她好可爱Thats okay. Shes adorable
43、.对大部分时间是Yeah, most of the time.你要回家吗？You want to go home? Yeah.好再见Yeah, yeah.再见Bye. Bye-bye.再见Bye.在回家路上我的月事来了On the way home, I got my period.Take it off!莎曼珊和兰妮是长久以来的死对头Samantha and Laney had a long standing rivalry.两人都性感狂野Both wild, both sexy.也都极度缺乏安全感Both incredibly insecure.两年前兰妮做了一件惊天动地的事Two yea
44、rs ago, Laney did the most shocking thing of all.她遇到华尔街的投资专家She met a Wall Street investment banker,闪电结婚搬到康涅狄格州married him and moved to Connecticut.事情怎么会这样？That wasn*t supposed to happen.她应该和席得维休斯上♥床♥而染上毒瘾She was supposed to have sex with Sid Vicious and move to heroin. 我们去吧这应该很有趣Come
45、on, you guys, itll be fun.反正我们没去过康涅狄格州Weve never even been to visit her in Connecticut.没错但这不是理由Exactly. Theres a reason for that.-怕得到莱姆关节炎？-这理由不错-Lyme disease? -Thats another good one.是怕送礼会But its a baby shower.不是是怕仪式No, its a cult.仪式？你说什么？Its a cult? What are you talking about?听着出席的人都穿得一成不变Listen to me. They all think the same, dress the same而她们的共同目标就是将一生奉献给孩子and sacrifice themselves babies.她哪根筋不对？Shes insane.