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1、欲望城市(性♥爱♥专家凯莉布雷萧并且勇于发问)“爱钥匙主机板”一个疲惫的周五One frazzled Friday,四个朋友分别从不同方向前来four overbooked girlfriends came from four different directions.东边The East Side,西边the West Side,公园大道和莎曼珊Park Avenue, and Samantha.纽约的午餐时间It was the ultimate New York power lunch,也是报告自己生活的时间also known as the power ca
2、tch-up.我先开始Ill start.我可以一口气总结我的人生I can sum up my life in one breath.工作工作法式三明治工作Work, work, Au Bon Pain, work.你呢?And you?我想想看Uh, okay, lets see. I.艾登艾登Aidan, Aidan.面疱艾登This pimple, Aidan.一个小时不到就说完了Gee, maybe we dont need an hour.夏洛特你做的三明治真好吃Charlotte, I cannot believe you made this sandwich.不工作的你可以当我
3、老婆I love you not working, you can be my wife.我以为我会清闲一点You know, I thought Id have more free time,但是装潢压力很大but redecorating is very stressful.But I wasnt with her!没有人在Nobody was!我能做什么?What can I do?不用我很好Nothing, Im, Im fine.我很好Ill be fine.葬礼在星期二我没有衣服穿The funerals on Tuesday and I dont have anything to
4、 wear.我根本没料到我会参加葬礼Because I didnt think I would be going to a funeral while I was here. 我一定到Well, Ill be there, so, I can.我帮你带点东西Ill just, Ill bring you something from your apartment.不用麻烦了No, no, dont bother.我随便去买♥♥一件永远不会再穿的全黑洋装Im just gonna go out and buy a shitty black dress Ill neve
5、r wear again. 你确定吗我很乐意的Are you sure? Id be happy to do it.不用了No, dont.什么都不必做Dont do anything.我该走了I better go.米兰达我很遗憾Miranda, Im so sorry.谢谢我得走了Yeah, thanks, I gotta go.米兰达的母亲过世了Mirandas mother died.过来这里你还好吗?Oh.Come here, you okay?我还好Im fine. I just.葬礼什么时候举♥行♥ ?Do you know when the fune
6、ral is?我陪你去Id like to go if I can.我不知道I dont know.你不必这样You dont have to.我真的不知道I dont really know.你上哪去了米兰达呢?Where have you been and wheres Miranda?我饿死了Im starving.怎么了?Whats wrong?米兰达在费城Mirandas in Philadelphia.她母亲心脏病发Her mother had a heart attack yesterday今天稍早时过世了and she died. Early this morning.她根本没
7、有生病She wasnt even sick.真难以置信I cant believe it.可怜的米兰达还好吗?Poor Miranda, how is she?我不知道I dont know.她不是很好Shes not good.我真的为她感到难过I just felt so awful for her and I just.我不知道该说什么You know, I didnt.I didnt know what to say to her and. 你们了解米兰达她总是装作很坚强And you know Miranda, she was trying to be so strong, 但是她
8、听起来好孤单but she just.She sounded so alone.而我却一直说错话And I just kept saying all the wrong things, I think.我相信你没有No, no, Im sure you didnt.谢谢我很遗惬Thanks, Im sorry.我们苜先该做的就是送花I guess the first thing we should do is send some flowers.-是的-或是水果篮-Right. -Or a fruit basket.或是松饼你们觉得呢?Or muffins, what do you think
9、?你还好吗?Hey, you alright?什么?What?我很好Im fine.送花很好告诉我支票要开给谁Flowers are fine, just tell me who to send the check to.我只是饿了Im just hungry.早餐后夏洛特向米兰达展示了支持的方法After breakfast, Charlotte showed her support for Miranda 也就是变成丧事专家by becoming the Martha Stewart of death.我要透明的玻璃纸和蓝色缎带No, I want the clear cellophane
10、 and the navy ribbon.莎曼珊你打给米兰达了吗?Samantha, have you called Miranda yet?我刚和她通话Cause I just spoke to her她认为我们搭火车and she thinks that itd be faster for us去费城会更快一些我也这么觉得to take the train to Philadelphia and I agree.我们要参加葬礼?Were going to the funeral?我以为只是送送花I thought we were just sending flowers.我们当然要去了Of
11、 course were going to the funeral你应该打给她and you should call her.这样她会很高兴的I think she would really like to hear from you. 但是我要说什么?Well, what am I gonna say to her?你可以说“我们很遗憾你失去了母亲”You could say, Im so sorry for your loss.“我爱你我永远支持你”I love you, Im here for you. 缎带够多了Thats enough ribbon.“我记挂着你Youre in my
12、 thoughts.愿她安息我很抱歉.”May she rest in peace, Im so sorry you lost. 好我打给她再见Fine, fine, ill call her, goodbye.在悲伤的时刻In times of sorrow, 有人选择什么都不做 some people have trouble reaching out. 莎曼珊不是这种人Samantha wasn*t one of those people. 想要摔角吗?Wanna wrestle?继续Mmm. Keep doing that.继续Keep doing that! 但是今天But toda
13、y.有点事与愿违something was just out of reach. 所以他们尝试了第299招So, they tried another position. 299. 我快来了Im almost there.撑着点Just hang on one more second, 再一下下just one more second.再一下下One more second.撑着Hang on, hang in there.撑着跟我一起Keep hanging on, stay with me.就像这样Stay just like that, just like that.就像这样Just l
14、ike that.不要碰我Get em off me, get em off me!你让我分心了Youre distracting me.所有的招式都没用And when none of those worked, 他们回到最传统的第17招they went back to old faithful.Number 17.好就是这样Okay, now, thats it.就是这样Now we got it.就快来了Here we go.太棒了Home free.就这样不要停Just keep doing exactly what youre doing.就是这样Exactly what your
15、e doing.就是这样E-e-exactly What youre doing.不要停Dont stop.不要停Dont stop!我五点要去洗衣店I gotta pick up my stuff at the cleaners by five. 好停Okay, stop.你要跟费城的花店说清楚I want you to make it very clear to the Philadelphia florist. 要有品味全白Tasteful, all white.百合海芋The Casablanca lilies, the calla lilies,蝴蝶兰and the phalaeno
16、psis.我不要烂东西I dont want any crap.你已经说过了You told her.这些花是要放在祭坛的Well, these flowers are gonna be the centerpiece on the church altar.这就代表着我们对吧I think its important that they represent us, dont you agree?莎曼珊?Samantha?我不知道我根本没在听Oh, I dont know, Im not even listening.我达不到高♥潮♥ 了I lost my orga
17、sm.在计程车上?In the cab?“达不到”是什么意思?What do you mean, lost?我花了两个小时做♥爰♥I mean, 1 just spent the last two hours什么都没有fucking with no finale.是会这样It happens.有时候就是没办法Sometimes you just cant get there.我之前每次都可以I can always get there.每一次性♥交♥ ?Every time you have sex?她在吹牛Shes exaggerati
18、ng.你是在吹牛吧Please say youre exaggerating.偶有一两次我得假装一下Well, Ill admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes.但只要我想要When I r.s.v.p. To a party,我就可以达到I make it my business to come.我的可是不定时缺席See, Ive been a no-show on more than one occasion.没有高♥潮♥的性还是可以很棒Sex can still be great
19、without an orgasm.胡说八道That is such a crock of shit.她说的有道理She has a point.我是怎么了?Whats wrong with me?听着Listen!高♥潮♥的机会还多的是Youve got plenty of orgasms under your belt.你一定可以的Youre gonna be fine.我们来回想一下Now, lets retrace your steps.你在上面吗?Were you on top?这有什么关系?Well, how is that relevant?你在下面也
20、可以达到?You mean, you can have them on the bottom?上面下面倒栽葱Top, bottom, upside-down.你真是爱表现Alright, now youre just showing off.我在求救Im asking for help!亲爱的Sweetie.我相信当你不那公在意时就会心想事成Im sure it will pop up when you least expect it.就跟.陪审团一样Like.Jury duty.除非.Unless.怎样?What?我看过一篇报导I read this article about a woma
21、n关于一个总是能高&hearts。朝♥的女人whos having orgasms round the clock.然后突然间-Uh-huh. -And then boom!高 ♥潮♥停止 TOrgasms stopped.永远地停止了For good.我想她把次数都用光了It was like she had used them all up or something.那是你说过最邪恶的话Thats the meanest thing youve ever said to me.与此同时在费城Meanwhile, in Philadelphia,米兰
22、达意识到Miranda realized.她需要一件可以搭配洋装的黑色内衣she needed the shitty black bra to go with her shitty black dress.能为你效劳吗?Can I help you find something?不用了我在找36A的黑色胸罩No, Im looking for this in 36A in black.你看起来不像36AYou dont look like a 36A to me.我是的Well, I am.抱歉Uh, excuse me?露西?Lucille?我一辈子都是36AIve been a 36A m
23、y whole life, 我知道自己的尺寸I think I know what size I am.我不这么认为Didnt think so.试试看Try these.我不可能是34BThere is no way that Im a 34B.穿穿看Just try them.怎么样了?Hows it going in there?很好一切都好Fine. Everythings fine.十四岁起米兰达就是一个人换衣服From the age of 14, Miranda had a strict no visitors policy in the dressing room. 我们来看看
24、它合不合身Lets see how thats working out.她母亲没见过Although her mother never observed it, 露西也没有and neither did Lucille.我说过了我不需要帮忙Um, I just said that I didnt need any help.你说你不需要帮忙Oh, you say you dont want help,结果就挑错了尺寸but you were picking out the wrong size.看这一件很合身See now, this one fits you.我可以自己调整肩带I think
25、 that I can adjust my bra straps by myself.不要碰我的胸部Would you please get your hands off of my breasts!我可不是新来的Im not being fresh.我知道怎么样最合身I think I know whats best你才不知道No, you dont!我才知道我要的是什么I think that I know whats best for me!突然间米兰达领悟到Suddenly Miranda realized.她再也没有机会跟妈妈吵架she would never have a figh
26、t with her mother again.我很抱歉不是你的关系Im sorry, its not you.我母亲刚过世My mother just died.-过来-不我很好-Come here. -No, Im, Im fine, I.就在没人能看到的帘子后面And there, behind the curtain when no one was looking, 米兰达得到了她最需要的安慰Miranda found a kind of support that actually fit her.这非常合身Well, this is perfect.你说的对You were righ
27、t.谢谢Thanks.等一下Wait!你总是在我背后偷袭我Oh, damn, youre always sneaking up on me.大惊喜Surprise!你的新电脑Its your new computer.是蓝色的Its blue.比你旧的那一台有趣Yeah. Its a lot more fun than your old one.体积很小就像个小提包Its got this handle so, its like a little purse.很昂贵的提包Thats a very expensive purse.你什么时候买♥♥的?When. whe
28、n did you get that?今天Today.我还帮你买♥♥广备份机And I got you one of these zip drives光是调光器就有40几种Did you know there are over 40 different kinds of dimmers? 记得经济好的时候我们还有一张桌子吗?Remember back when the economy was good and we had a table? 凯莉-Um, Carrie? -Yeah?你现在是管♥理♥员♥吗?Are you a
29、 janitor now?我知道这很荒谬I know, its ridiculous.得要七把钥匙才进得去艾登家I need these seven just to get in Aidans building.他给你他家钥匙?Aidan gave you his keys?对但我都叫他过来我家Yeah, but I always make him come to my place.他用二合一洗发精He buys that two-in-one shampoo.等等他有你的钥匙吗?Wait a minute, does Aidan have your keys now too?是的两把都有了Y
30、es, he does. All two of them.交换钥匙可是“大”事件You exchanged keys, thats big.“大”人物可不会这么做Oh, no, no, thats the opposite of Big. 你们真好Good for you.我可是等了半年才敢把钥匙给清洁妇人It took me six months to give my cleaning lady a key.我这里正好有开启热情的“钥匙”Well, I happen to have the key to a lasting relationship.right here. 1001 式性&h
31、earts;爱♥姿势在转角买♥♥的 1001 sexual positions, I got it on the corner from a guy, 一块半$1.50.我爱这个城市I love this city.谁的腿可以弯这么后面?Whoa, Nellie. Whose legs bend back that far?好像是给无骨人看的你可以开始备份了so, you can start backing up your work now.我根本不知道怎么用Well, I dont even know how to use that 而且我不需要我自
32、己的系统就很好用了and I dont need it, I have my own system. Works just fine.你确定吗?You sure about that?我确定Yeah, I am.我还没有打算换电脑Im not ready for a new computer.我在等我旧的那一台修好Im still waiting to hear back about my old one.我一生的心血都在那里My whole life was on that computer.我懂了I get it.只有你Its all you.你不把我包括在里面你不想要电脑Im not a
33、 part of any of this. You dont want the laptop.你不要我陪你去葬礼我感觉就像.You dont want me to go to the funeral. I feel like a fucking. 我把钥匙给你了你还想要什么?I gave you my keys, what more do you want?钥匙?Your keys?很好现在我可以进入你家Oh, great, so, now I can get into your front door.我要怎么进去这里?How do I get into there?我很抱歉长久以来Im so
34、rry, but Ive been taking care of myself我都是一个人照顾自己for a really long time.你可能不喜欢但是这是我处理事情的方式You may not like it, but this is how I deal with things.发♥票♥在这里This is your receipt so.电脑随便你处置好吧you can do whatever you want with that computer, alright? 与此同时莎曼珊正在解决自己的难题Meanwhile, Samantha was tr
35、oubleshooting her own laptop.她决定要放轻松She was determined to just relax,无拘无束unwind.远离世上的尘嚣and let the rest of the world fall away.什么事?What?太好了你在这Oh, good, youre there.我在买♥♥车上吃的贝果Im picking up bagels for the train ride.你要芝麻对吧?Youre sesame, right?你打给米兰达了吗?Oh, and have you called Miranda yet
36、?没有我要全麦No, Im whole wheat我没有打是因为不想打扰她and I havent called her because I dont want to bother her.夏洛特我在自♥慰♥Charlotte, Im masturbating.我接下来一整天都要自♥慰♥I told you Id be doing that all day today.到了傍晚By nightfall,莎曼珊放弃了尝试Samantha called off the search party.在这个充满失落梦想和失踪人口的城市Somewhe
37、re in the city of lost dreams and missing persons莎曼珊的高♥潮♥也还没出现Samanthas orgasm remained at large.次日早晨The next morning我的电脑终有进展my own search party called with news of a breakthrough.记得我吗?Hi, do you remember me?我是438 y ♥我的电脑在你这里Im number P-4-3-8-W, you have my computer.记得Yep.好的Okay
38、.这是我们仅能救回来的部分And heres what we could recover from your hard drive. 这看起来熟悉吗?Any of that look familiar to you? 我的过去就在那里There it was, my past. 一片混乱It was a mess.你可以Can you.告诉我究竟是哪里出了问题吗?Please tell me why this happened in the first place? 不清楚Well, we dont know. 有时候电脑就是这样 Sometimes these things, they ju
39、st crash. 我们可以帮你更换主机板Now, we can replace your motherboard, 但你得买♥♥个备份系统 but you have to get yourself a back-up system. 买&h ea r ts; &h ea rts;个备份机开始存档 Pick out a zip drive, start saving.以后就不会遗失资料了Next time you wont lose everything.你的质保证书有留着吧?You saved your warrantee, right?你好家私店Hello, f
40、urniture company.是我不备份的女孩Its me, the girl who doesnt back up. 我试着要深呼吸重新开机This is my attempt to breathe and reboot. 你在笑吗?Are you smiling at all over there?我在听Im listening.好了Okay, well.我要去费城了Im just on my way to Philly, and.只想跟你说我很抱歉I just wanted to say that Im sorry.这对我来说很不容易This is hard.我们要走的路很不容易We
41、re gonna run into stuff thats hard.所以我才试着帮忙Thats why I was trying to help.我知道但是.Well. I know, I know that, but.要是你一直帮我If you start helping me我就会习惯于依赖你and then I get used to having that help.这样是没有好处的Well.No good can come of that.我的意思是要是有一天你不在身边了呢?I mean, then what happens when, you know, youre not ar
42、ound one day?我会去哪里? 我不知道-Where am I going? -Well, I dont know.可能外出或是忙得不可开交或是You could be out of town or be busy or.未来谁也说不定Things fall apart.我们可能会各分东西We could fall apart.我知道I know that.所以?Well, then what?我们就只能当一对“悲伤麦金塔”了Then I guess we*d be a couple of sad macs.费城Philadelphia.只消一跳一蹦计程车火车just a hop, a
43、 skip, a cab, a Metroliner计程车就到了and another cab away.这下好了我在这里也找不到高♥潮♥Im not gonna find my orgasm in this town.这是个葬礼We are at a funeral.等我一下Be right back.我很遗憾Im so sorry.你看起来气色真好You look great.我说的是实话Well, she does.你好吗?How are you?很好Im fine.大家都担心我But everybody else is very concerned abou
44、t me只因为我孤家寡人because Im here alone.我不知道连参加母亲的葬礼都要携伴I didnt realize I needed a date for my mothers funeral. 米兰达Oh, Miranda.我姊姊和姊夫My sister and her husband要我跟他们一起走完通道want me to third wheel with them down the aisle, 上帝不准我一个人走God forbid that I should walk it alone, 因为这样会很难看对吧?because that would be the real tragedy, right?不要管棺材了Ignore the coffin.有个35岁的未婚女子走在后面呢Theres a single 35-year-oId woman walking behind it.-米兰达?-马上到贝西Miranda? -Coming, Betsy.真是难过Well, this is hard.“你看起来气色很好”You look great?我可没有教你这样说That was not one of the things I told you t