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1、评分标准 criterion对第五档(21-25)作文的描述：beginningending1.与所给短文与所提供各段落、开头语，融洽度高Theme。衔接合理2.内容丰富，情节合理plot3.所使用但完全不影响意义表达；可能有些许错误，语法结构和词汇丰富、准确vividdescription4.有效地使用了语句间的连接成分凑；使所续写短文结构紧Proper transitionStep1 Read for writing materials1.Whats the style of the passage?A.Narration(记叙文)B.Exposition(说明文)C.Argumentat
2、ion(议论文)2.Person(人称):First person?Second person?Third person?3.Tense(时态):Past tense?The simple present tense?1Find the basic elementsat Gilleeces bar onWednesdayWhen/WheresettingGilleece,Prather,a newly married womanthe policemenWhocharacterWhat did the charactersdo at the bar?Storyplot/conflictsWha
3、t/HowHow did the differentpeople react?WhythemeWhat/How What did Prather do at the bar?How did Gilleece react?An anxious call came into Jimmy in Gilleeces bar.Aman,who had spent the afternoon at the bar on Wednesday,couldnt find herwallet.She didnt care about her ID,credit cards,or$150 in cashbut he
4、rwedding ring was inside.didnt like the idea that a theft could have occurred at his place.Sohe set out to find the wallet.He spent hours looking through security-cameravideos,watching the womans every step in the bar until she went to sit on achair outside and left when her ride arrived.Within minu
5、tes,napproached the bench,slipped something into his pocket,and walked off.posted a clip(剪辑)on the bars Facebook page.“I didnt want to punishhim,”he said.“I just asked if anybody knew who the guy was.”Within hours,Gilleece got a text from 17-year-old Prather,who admittedhaving taken the wallet and t
6、old Gilleece hed done it because he hadnt eatenin two days.He said he saw the ring but thought it was fake(假的),so he tookthe money and threw the wallet off the dock(码头)into the ocean.Then hebought a sandwich.But the police were already on the case,and because ofthe missing ring,Prather could be faci
7、ng charges.“He would be going to bigboy prison.I have to help him somehow,”Gilleece thought.Get the general idea2,a n e w l y m a r r i e dAt Gilleeces bar on Wednesdaywomanat the bar,in which was herlost her walletring and something else.Gilleecesuspect named Prather by looking through security-cam
8、era videos.Having checked his familytheindicatedpoor/needycondition,out of sympathy,Gilleece determined tothe missing ring for his customer andthefindhelppoor boyUnderline the hints and analyze the charactersGilleece didnt like the idea that a theft couldfairhave occurred at his place.So he set out
9、to find thewallet.He spent hours looking through security-camera videos,watching the womans every stepin the bar until.posted a clip(剪辑)on the barsFacebook page.“I didnt want to punish him,”he said.“I just asked if anybody knew who the guywas.”responsiblerelibleintelligentsensiblecarefulWithin hours
10、,Gilleece got a text from 17-year-oldPrather,who admitted having taken the wallet andBut the police were already on the case,andbecause of the missing ring,Prather could be facingcharges.“He would be going to big boy prison.Ihave to help him somehow,”Gilleece thought.caringsympathetickindenthusiasti
11、c,considerateAbout GilleeceAbout PratherWithin hours,Gilleece got a text from 17-year-old Prather,who admitted having taken thewallet and told Gilleece hed done it becausehe hadnt eaten in two days.He said he sawthe ring but thought it was fake(假的),so hetook the money and threw the wallet off thedoc
12、k(码头)into the ocean.Then he bought asandwich.Gilleece,unsure whether hebelieved Prather,told the teen to meet him atthe dock,where they got talking and Pratherrevealed that he wasnt getting along with hisfamily and had been living in the woods for aweek.Judging from Prathers small body andred cheeks
13、,Gilleece saw him for what he was:more of a kid than a criminal.youngchildishignorantinnocentpoordown and outroughhelpless4 Make logical prediction from the hintsNot only will Gilleecefair，responsible，relibleallow forPrather,butintelligent，sensible，carefulin defence ofalso he will behim when faced w
14、ith thepunishment and chargefrom the owner and thepolicemenyoung，ignorant，childish，poor，down and out，roughhelplessStep 2 Construct the plotCircle the key words of the beginningsentences1Para.1：Gilleece intenthe wallet forthe woman.Para.2:Then suddenlysurface of the water.to theKey words:a diverinten
15、ded to search the watersa diver came up to theProblem 1.Ignore given informationProblem 1.Ignore given informationTip1.Focus on theTip 2.Some information in paragraph2 must be mentionedin paragraph 1.Raise and list some questions to infer the plot2Para.1 Gilleece intended toDid the divers find the w
16、allet?for the woman.What was the owns feeling?Reaction?How did it influence MarkDid the policemen charge the youngpeope?What did Prather do finally?whatdid he say?n?How did the crowd react?What lesson did Prather be taught?Para.2 Then suddenly a diver came up to the surface of thewater.Check the the
17、me and make up an ending3The theme of this stroy()A.The friendship existed between a boss and a teenB.A poor teen stole at the barC.Honesty is the most valuable personalities of humanThe act of kindness changed a teens whole lifeTip 3.youd better communicate thoughts and attitudes topositivereaders
18、by creating aendingTip4.The polt should be coherent reasonable logicalProblem 2：Off the pointProblem 3.Unreasonable plotProblem 3.design a new plotProblem 4.Wrong personProblem 5.Person inconsistencySummarize the Tips:1.Pay attention to the person and tense2.The plot should becoherent,reasonable,log
19、ical3.The given information must echo the previous part.4.The story should be thematic and positiveStep 2 Polish the writingCompare thefollowing sentencesConclusionvivid description of feelingwe can use morerelated to the characters physical movement.Complete thefollowing sentencessaycomplainedHe(抱怨
20、）bitterly that he had been unfairly treated.roared“Get out of my house!”The officer _.（吼叫）murmuredHe _（低语）something in his sleep.explainedAsked why he was late,Alex _（解释道）that his car hadbroken down.lookstared/gazed Singing happily,shelarge,innocent eyes.We(凝视）at her surroundings withspotted/recogni
21、zed（认出/发现）the famous comedian on hisarrival.glance/cast a glanceWe gathered together,praying toface.(撇一眼）of hisbody actions1.Gilleece stood quietly by the lake,and(伸出）hisreached outpattinghand,(拍拍）it on Prathers shoulder.2.He shouted loudly,with his eyes _（涨红）and hisburningtremblingbody _（颤抖）3.When
22、the divers were searching the water,Gilleece saw Pratherburiedsitting in the grass,head(埋进)in his arms.erupted4.When the ring was found,the crowed(爆发出）a seaConclusionof cheers.specific action verbswe can use morerelated to the characters physical movement.Rewrite thefollowing sentences1)Gilleece tol
23、d the policemen immediately when thering was found.(改成倒装句）Hardly/Scarcely had the divers found the ringhewheninformed the policemen,hoping that the boy couldescape being punished.2).Gilleece paid two divers to search the water with alltheir might.(用分词作状语改写）Driven(drive)by a sense of sympathy,Gilleec
24、e paidtwo divers to search the water with all their might.3).Many people gathered together around the dock,andan idea of eacaping flashed through his mind.(用with结构改写）The complicated feelings were filled with his mind,Prathersaw many people pouring into the dock.pouringWith so many people(pour)into t
25、he dock,an idea of eacaping flashed through his mind.With complicated feelings filling(fill)his mind,Prather saw many people pouring into the dock.4)Gilleece felt comforted considerably,and he smiled.(用独立主格改写）sweptA sense of relief(sweep)over Gilleece,smiles flickering(flicker)on her face.5）Gilleece
26、s act of kindness changed a teens life.(用强调句型改写）It wasthatGilleeces act of kindnessa teens life.changedConclusionwe can useadvanced sentence patternsto enrich the articalAccumulation1.现在分词doing 作状语2.With复合结构3.特殊句式4.定语从句&名词性从句advanced sentencepatternsentence patternsvivid description offeelingspecifi
27、c action verbsSummarize the Tips:1.We can use vivid description of feelingto portray the figures.2.We can use specific action verbs related tothe characters physical movement.3.we can use advanced sentence patternsto enrich the article1.Polish your writing using detailed descriptions.2.Finish the contiuation writing