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1、欲望城市(性♥爰♥专家凯莉布雷萧)怪人秀曼哈顿对我们的前人而言Manhattan.For millions of our forefathers,是通往希望与幸福的人口the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. 今日那个希望仍然存在Today that hope is still alive.那就是第一次约会Its called the first date.周六夜晚每一家曼哈顿的餐厅On Saturday nights every restaurant in
2、 lower Manhattan都像座小型的埃利斯岛resembles its own little Ellis Island.成群的单身女子聚集其中Hordes of single women crowded into a hot cramped space希望能实现她们最终的目标hoping to make it to their final destination.步入礼堂The state of matrimony.或是至少好好饱餐一顿Or at least to get a hot meal in transit.莎曼珊不相信第一次约会Samantha didnt believe i
3、n the first date.她只相信随之而来的性But she did believe in sex after it.你掉了一滴Ooh, I think you missed a drop.哈里森是个成功的诉讼律师Harrison was a very successful litigator和朗柏尔曼洗过蒸汽浴who took steam baths with Ron Perlman住在高级大厦的三十九楼and owned an an apartment on the 39th floor of Museum Tower,第一次约会的绝佳人选an excellent first da
4、te pedigree.晚餐后哈里森邀请莎曼珊到家中看夜景After dinner, Harrison invited Samantha up to see his view.我的专长是性骚扰I think you should know my specialty is sexual harassment.Thank you.奇怪不一定不好Sometimes in a good way.我曾在一个博览会看过世上最胖的双胞胎I once saw the worlds fattest twins at a state fair.他们都已结婚They were both married.他们的老婆却
5、骨瘦如柴Their wives were very skinny.或许那是错觉Maybe it was an optical illusion.或许吧Maybe.能跟我吃顿饭吗?Would you have dinner with me?你不是不约会I thought you didnt date.这是个“非约会”I dont. It. it would be a non-date.“非约会”?A non-date.或许吧Maybe.这是答应了吗?Is that a yes?这是“不是不答应”Lets call it a non-no.于是最奇怪的事发生了And it was then tha
6、t the most freaky thing happened.就在曼哈顿中心There in the middle of Manhattan,两名陌生人交换;最私人的电♥话♥号♥码 two complete strangers gave out their unlisted phone numbers.与此同时莎曼珊正要遭逢意想不到的偶遇Meanwhile, Samantha was about to have her own chance encounter. 莎曼珊?Samantha?莫妮卡Monica!看看你Look at you.气色真好Y
7、ou look amazing.可不是这就是成果Dont I? Its the work.我把臀部的脂肪注射到脸上I had the fat from my ass injected into my face.看就像婴儿的屁♥股♥And look, like a babys bottom.真不可思议可不是吗?-Unbelievable. -Isnt it?我臀部的脂肪Fat from my own ass.最棒的是你可以大吃大喝养肥屁♥股♥Oh, and the best part is, you get to eat like a pi
8、g before, fatten up your ass. 一个星期后就跑到你脸上了And then a week later, poof! Its in your face.得走了Gotta go, bye.一个小时后莎曼珊吃了久违的麦香堡An hour later, Samantha had her first Big Mac并和最昂贵的外科医师邀约and an appointment with the most expensive plastic surgeon on Upper Fifth. 同时也有一个臀部深深吸引着我那就是班恩的Meanwhile, I had my own ass
9、 to be obsessed with and it belonged to Ben, 他是嬉皮政♥治♥杂♥志♥的编辑很会逗我笑 an editor at a hip political magazine who made me laugh.那是我This is me.这代表着该说晚安了Then I guess this is goodnight.通常我会试图上楼但既然You know, uh.Normally I would try to get upstairs, but.这是一个“非约会” since this is a non-
10、date. 所以不能亲吻?So no kiss.或许可以有“非亲吻”Well.Maybe a non-kiss.这当中没有“不”的成分在There was nothing non about it.一个礼拜后A week and three non-dates later, 莎曼珊做出惊人的宣言Samantha summoned us to make an announcement.你没有开玩笑Youve got to be kidding.它还躺在皇后区的脂肪储藏库Its sitting in a fat repository in Queens as we speak.三天后就会到我脸上我
11、将会美得不得了And in three days it will be in my face and I will look fabulous.我们每天想尽办法掩饰臀部的脂肪I cant believe this. We spend our lives trying to hide the fat in our ass, 你却要将它放在脸上and youre gonna put it right out there on your face?我得穿束裤一个礼拜I just have to wear this girdle for a week to keep my skin tight.你看W
12、ow, look at that, huh.上面有一个洞Well, thats a girdle with a hole.当然要有洞用来尿尿之类的Well, of course it has a hole, its for peeing, etcetera.之类的?Etcetera?我昨天跟CK的模特儿睡觉Last night I slept with a Calvin Klein model.我从未如此性感Ive never felt sexier.脂肪已经跑进你的脑袋I think the fats already gone to your head.把裙子放下Could you plea
13、se put your skirt down?难道不能优雅地变老?Whatever happened to aging gracefully?旧观念rIt got old.我得走了我要跟米契见面I got to go, Im meeting Mitch at my apartment.他还好吗?Ooh, so how is he?他太棒了He is amazing.他让我很开心我们可能有未来He makes me so happy. I think we have a real chance at a future together.你跟小妹妹先生?You and Mr. Pussy.他的名字
14、是米契His name is Mitchell.你不能爱上小妹妹先生You dont fall in love with Mr. Pussy.享受过后就放他自♥由♥You enjoy him and then set him free.对莎曼珊而言夏洛特犯卜.一个终极的错误To Samantha, Charlotte had committed the ultimate sin.她把小妹妹先生英雄化She was bogarting Mr. Pussy.他是个怪人Hes a freak!你对他了解多少?Aside from technique what do you
15、 even know about the guy?-你们聊天吗?-或是做♥爱♥ ?-Do you even talk? -Do you even fuck?不要说了 米兰达说得有理-Stop it. -Sweetie, Miranda has a point.你们吃过晚餐吗?I mean, have you guys had dinner together,去看过表演?have you seen a play, anything?没有我们可以No, but we could.知道吗你被性♥爱♥迷惑了You know what? I thi
16、nk youve fallen into the sex haze.因为太美好了你开始变得不正常You know, where the sex is really great and then you start acting like a crazy person. 你以为这是一段关系事实不然Then you start to imagine the relationship is something its not.夏洛特有的是数不清的高♥潮♥而不是一段关系Charlottes not having a relationship. Shes having mul
17、tiple orgasms.他让我快乐He makes me happy.为了证明米兰达说错了Hoping to prove Miranda wrong,我邀她和班恩的朋友路克来一次双对约会I had convinced her to come out on a double non-date with Bens friend Luke.事情进行得非常顺利Things were actually going remarkably well.最爰的冰淇淋口味?Favorite ice cream.草莓Strawberry.我知道了你很无趣Oh, I see, youre boring.我觉得这是
18、传统I like to see it as traditional.传统可以是好的Traditional? Traditional can be good.这样的感觉真的是太棒了Nothing makes you feel like more of a non-couple制♥造♥出另一对非情侣than creating another non-couple.然而我们得意得太早Unfortunately, our smugness was a little premature.你这个周末要做什么?So, what are you doing this weekend
19、?我要去康乃狄格探望爷爷Uh, big plans. Im gonna go see my granddad in Connecticut.康乃狄格?Uchh. Connecticut?康乃狄格有什么不好?Whats wrong with Connecticut?我讨厌乡下I hate the country.我卜年没离开曼哈顿了I havent left Manhattan in ten years.你沾沾自喜?And youre proud of that?你想要的一切这里都有Everything you want is right here.文化美食公园Culture, food, th
20、e park.半夜三点的计程车何必离开Cabs at three a.m., why leave?去体验曼哈顿以外的世界?Perhaps to experience a world outside Manhattan.曼哈顿以外没有世界There is no world outside Manhattan.我安排米兰达和一个曼哈顿男人约会I had unwittingly set Miranda up on a date with Manhattan Guy, 一个靠午夜场表演长大的a genetically mutant strain of single man that fed on Za
21、bars 突变种单身汉and midnight shows at the Angelika.我喜欢城市I like the city.我也喜欢乡下I also happen to like the country.我这样并不奇怪This does not make me a freak.你一定不是这里出身的Youre obviously not from here.我得回家喂猫了I have to go feed my cat.米兰达说了我们的密语Miranda had invoked our code phrase.在无数次糟糕派对Honed over years of bad partie
22、s, awful dates,和约会中解救我们and phone calls that wouldnt end.但我还不想投降Unfortunately, I wasnt ready to accept defeat.你不是喂过猫了 ?I thought you already fed your cat.我得再喂一次I have to feed it again.养猫的都是怪人Cat people are freaks.-你要去哪里?-回家-Where are you going? -Home.那个男人十年不曾离开曼哈顿凯莉The man has not left Manhattan in a
23、 decade, Carrie.他是个怪人Hes obviously a freak.要是路克是怪人And by the way, if Lukes a freak,班恩一定也是个怪人Ben is bound to be a freak too.你可以从一个人交往的朋友You can tell everything about a person看出他的个性by who their friends are.天希望不是这样God, I hope not.那一晚我不断地回想米兰达的怪人理论That night I couldnt get Mirandas freaky comment out of
24、my head.那么So.你有没有什么Is there anything weird about you I should know我不知道的怪癖?before this gets any more compromising?你终于问了在这里Well, now that you mention it, there is.很可爱Its adorable.单身汉派对酒后的纪念品Yeah, its a souvenir from a drunken bachelor party a few years ago.我朋友的婚姻没了Yeah, my friends marriage didnt last,
25、但小鸟却还在-but Tweety Bird did. -Mmm.你呢?So what about you?或许你很完美Youre probably perfect, huh?不No.缝过三针Three stitches.我跟三年级的恶霸打架I got into a fight with a third grade bully.你真爱逞凶斗狠Youre scrappy.我喜欢I like scrappy.然后这位刺青的男子跟我做♥爱&hcarts;And then the amazing tattooed man made love to me. 一点也不奇怪And it did
26、nt feel weird at all.当米兰达在喂猫的同时While Miranda was busy feeding her pussy, 夏洛特想尽办法聊天Charlotte was trying to do everything but.你有去过夏令营吗?Did you ever go to summer camp?就在异国水果区旁边There, over the exotic fruit plate, 夏洛特试着展开一段真正的关系Charlotte tried to make a relationship happen. 我爱露营I loved camp. 曾在缅因州露营I wen
27、t to this place in Maine called Minihaha. 我们会玩战争游戏We used to play these big games of color war. 我总是在红队 I was always a red.很好玩It was so much fun.后来大人决定不举♥行♥And then they made us stop 因为他们觉得这是在赞扬战争 because they said that it glorified warfare. 你今晚异常安静Youre awfully quiet tonight.你在想什么?What
28、 are you thinking about? 夏洛特相信米兰达是对的Charlotte realized Miranda was right. 她在博览会流连太久了She had stayed too long at the fair. 从此以后夏洛特开始痛恨无花果From that moment on, Charlotte couldnt be in the same room with a fig. 有些人或许觉得她很奇怪Some people might call that a little odd. 与此同时莎曼珊即将重生Meanwhile, Samantha was about
29、to get her own special showing.太完美了Voila.你还可以做什么?I love it, what else can you do?对莎曼珊而言手术就像逛百货公♥司♥To Samantha, surgery was like being at Barneys. 既然来了就顺便逛逛Once youre in the door, you might as well shop. 我们可以把这里抬高一点We can always lift a little here.雕塑出这些线条Take care of these lines.这里Here.
30、五年后可以隆乳In five years we can augment the breasts, 把它们抬高一点十年后可以做肚子 pick them up a little, in ten years, a tummy tuck. 还有嘴唇Uh-huh. Oh, lipo.臀部跟大腿这边Yeah, yeah. The hip and the thigh area.医生有你的电♥话♥Doctor, youre. youre needed on the phone.提高膝盖Knee lift.莎曼珊觉得自己站在哈哈镜前Samantha felt like she had
31、 walked into a fun house. 只是一点都不好笑Only it wasnt particularly funny.我足球赛要迟到了Im late for my soccer game.不要走Stay here.我两个小时后回来Ill be back in two hours.就这样发生了It had happened.我们做♥爱♥我很喜欢他We had done it and now I really liked him.我深深地被性♥爱♥迷惑完全失控I was deep into the sex haze, and
32、completely freaked out.他一定有什么病态之处There had to be something sick and off about him.要是男人这个物种退化了If the rest of the species had devolved, 班恩一定是存活下来的怪人Ben would have to be a freak to survive.我得在浪费青春之前找出哪里有问题I had to find out what was wrong before I wasted the next six months. 一开始还算正常It started innocently
33、 enough.我想知道他吃什么I just wanted to see what the guy ate.听什么.Listened to.跟谁约会Dated.然后就一发不可收拾Then it took on a life of its own.在这栋公♥寓&hcarts;的某处Somewhere in this hip, normal looking apartment, 一定有着班恩怪异的线索was the clue to Bens inner freakiness.我不找到不罢休And I wasnt gonna rest until I found it.它就躺在那里取笑
34、我There it was, taunting me.班恩的秘密怪异盒Bens secret box of freakdom.里面藏着不正当的照片情书Home of elicit photos, love letters, 或是他以前的结婚证书 maybe an old marriage license.你在做什么?What the hell are you doing?我不知道I dont know.我无法解释I cant explain it. I.我想I guess I was.真的吗?Really? 我也是So is mine.这是一桩典型的案例This is a classic ca
35、se. 一桩典型引诱的案例 A classic case of entrapment. 美丽的女人让人意乱神迷的酒 Beautiful woman, mind altering wine. -Mm-mmm. 我可以声称是一时意乱I could claim temporary insanity. 我曾让男人神魂颠倒I do have a prior record of driving men a little crazy. 你正是典型的案例You fit the profile.性骚扰者通常是年纪大的女人Most sexual harassment cases are brought by ol
36、der women. 你说什公?Im sorry?绝无冒犯之意不过你几岁了?四十?四十一? No offense, but cmon, what are you, 40,41? 自我们有印象以来莎曼珊一直是三十五岁Samantha had celebrated her 35th birthday for as long as we could remember. 我去梳洗一下Im just gonna freshen up. 你一点都不需要Well, I think youre pretty fresh already.? Im too sexy for my shirt ? Too sexy
37、 for my shirt ? So sexy it hurts ? Im too sexy for your body ?性感宝贝我在这里Hey sexy, Im over here.就在他的衣柜旁边There, next to his Brooks Brothers suits, 有着世界上最迷你的变♥态♥屋 was the worlds smallest cedar-lined den of iniquity. 掌掴我Slap me.你开玩笑的吧我在找某样东西Looking for something.某样东西?Something?某样怪异的东西Somethi
38、ng. freaky.是我的童子军徽章收藏盒Its my cub scout badge collection.我取消比赛来陪你I was gonna skip the game to be with you.我以为你很正常I thought you were actually a normal one.曾经是I was.我要走了Im gonna go.好提议Good idea.就在那天我遇见了奇怪的自己That was the day I came face to face with my freak.一个理智被恐惧吃掠的疯女人The frightening woman whose fear
39、 ate her sanity.事实上不只是男人The truth is, it isnt just the men.而是每一个人Its all of us.每一个曼哈顿的未婚男女Anyone whos single in Manhattan有时都会做出怪异的举动gets a little freaked out from time to time.但是我们仍不放弃But we keep trying, because you have to figure, 最胖的双胞胎可以找到真爱if the worlds fattest twins can find love我们也可以theres hop
40、e for all of us.在某处Somewhere out there总有另一个小怪人会爱我们了解我们is another little freak who will love us, understand us,亲吻我们的三个怪头安慰我们and kiss our three heads and make it all better.同时我们永远拥有曼哈顿And in the meantime, we always have Manhattan.Youve got to be kidding.来吧Oh, cmon.用力地掌掴我Slap me hard.很显然那场景令人不悦Apparent
41、ly the view left a little to be desired.隔晚莎曼珊约我们参加派对The next night, Samantha invited us to a party she was throwing 在一家不接受订位的新餐厅for the new coffee table book du jour. The book was awful, 但那里的开胃菜真的是太棒了but the hors doeuvres were fabulous.要这么狼狈还真不简单It takes a lot of work to get all rigged up like that.
42、我的约会对象甚至不帮我开计程车门Yeah, most of my first dates dont even open the cab door.要是他还关在里面呢?Hey, what if hes still hanging there?管&hcarts;理&hcarts;员&hcarts;会找到他的The super would find him eventually.这就是我不约会的原因You see, this is why I dont date.所有的男人都是怪人The men out there are freaks.这样说不公平Well, thats completely un
43、fair.要是男人超过三十岁还是单身Im sorry, if a man is over 30 and single那他一定有问题theres something wrong with him.他们在进化过程中被淘汰Its Darwinian. Theyre being weeded out from propagating the species. 那我们怎么说?Okay, what about us?我们只是太挑剔了Were just choosy.我要多一点虾Im getting more shrimp.你知道我约会时最糟糕的是什么吗You know what the worst par
44、t of the date was?他以为我四十岁了Harrison actually thought I was 40.-真的?-真的-Really? -Really.我看起来有四十吗?Do you think I look 40?莎曼珊过去四年的生日告诉我们一件事If Samanthas past four birthdays taught me anything,这个问题只有一个答案it was that there is only one answer to a question like that.你看起来不超过三十五You dont look a day over 35.这个派对真
45、不错This is a great party.我遇见一个很棒的人米契赛物I just met the most amazing guy, Mitchell Saylor.当夏洛特喜欢一个人的时候她会说他的全名When Charlotte really liked a guy, she said his whole name.这有助于她幻想他们的未来It helped her to imagine their future monogrammed towels.米契赛初?Mitch Saylor?你认识他?Yeah, do you know him?我很了解他Oh, honey, I know of him.什公意思?Well, well, what is that supposed to mean?姐.♥妹♥们♥请跟我到洗手间Ladies, I suggest you join me in the bathroom.-他是小妹妹先生-什么先生?-Hes Mr. Pussy. -Mr. Who?突然间夏洛特的未来蒙上阴影Suddenly Charlottes monogrammed towels were looking very differe