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1、下个案件对约翰戈尔曼的公诉Next up, the People v. John Gorman.戈尔曼先生因偷盗钱包而被控盗窃罪Mr. Gorman is charged with larceny theft for a purse snatching.额法官阁下这个所谓的指控太离奇了Uh, Your Honor, this alleged crime is so quaint, 事实上有点意思its actually charming.这是对一个简单时代的致敬Ifs an homage to a simpler time,当有人当着你的面礼貌的抢劫你时when people had the
2、decency to rob you to your face,当街溜子能掏了你的兜并温暖你的心时when a street urchin could pick your pocket and warm your heart, 这常常出现在同一首歌♥里often within the same song.反对这纯属无稽之谈Objection. Hot nonsense.反对有效Sustained.检方要求传唤目击证人法官阁下The State has a witness, Your Honor.能请你描述一下你看到了什么吗？Would you mind describing wh
3、at you saw, please?那是个清爽的秋日Its a crisp autumn day.一个模糊的人影从街边卖♥♥水仙花的小贩边跑过A blur of a man races by a street vendor selling daffodils.这时在我身后一声喊声响起“我的包！Behind me, a cry rings out- nMy bag!他偷了我的包！”He stole my bag!”而这座城市一无所觉The city feels nothing.能请检控双方都上前来吗？Would the counsel please approach
4、 the bench?允许我像对坚果棒一样对证人吗？Permission to treat the witness like a nut bar?你们不知道这是谁吗？ 嗯？-Dont you know who that is? Mm?那是雷米卡蒙特普尔西亚诺Well, Tm gonna go in there然后谈谈我们在这做的工作and talk about the work were doing here,也许着能够鼓励其他法♥院♥以我们为榜样 and maybe it will inspire other courts to follow our exampl
5、e. 我不会因为你的过错而错失这个机会Im not gonna lose that chance just because you biffed it.我和你说了这是个陷阱Im telling you, its a trap.她耍了我.丹She tricked me- Dan.丹！Dan!你改变不了我的想法Youre not gonna change my mind.好吧好吧好吧Yeah, alright, fine, fine, yeah.但当事情不顺的时候你就准备好听到But when it doesnt work, just be ready to hear那五个所有人害怕听到的the
6、five words that everyone dreads-“我早就和你说了”I told you so.那是四个字（英语是四个字）-嗯我把我在说-Thats four words. - Well, Im counting这话之前那声刺耳的笑声也算了一个字the raucous laughter before I say it as a word.事实上我要从现在就开始练Matter of fact, Im gonna start practicing it now.哈！Ha!哇哈哈！Ha-wah-hah!不对等等嘿嘿！No, wait. Hee-hee!我解决了案子 现在我也能和离岸投&
7、hearts;注♥人I cracked the case, and now Ill crack一起解开最新的分差the most up-to-date point spreads, with Offshore Bet Boys.当他们都是板上钉钉的时候那就不是赌博了Its not gambling when theyre stone-cold locks.我从来没见过有人那么渴望上播客Ive never seen someone so thirsty to get on a podcast.我已经有好几个朋友的伴侣And I have several friends whose
8、spouses went missing在加入邪教之后失踪了after joining a cult.这是我媒体战略的一部分Its all part of my media strategy.第一步上播客First step, podcasts.第二步成为抖音法律网红Second step, TikTok legal influencer.第三步像乌比那样对错误的优步司机大吼Third step, Whoopi yells at the wrong Uber driver,乌比戈德堡是“观点“节目主持之一，曾对另一与其不和的主持罗西奥唐纳大吼”我受够你的狗屎了 (Im really sick
9、of your s*t!)宾果这样你奶奶我就能上“观点”了and bingo, mamas batting cleanup on The View.但我甚至不能让雷米卡看我一眼But I cant get Remecca to even look at me.我感觉我都快像尼尔了 -嘿！-1 feel like Neil. - Hey!喔！ 别不声不响的靠近别人！-Whoa! - Dont sneak up on people!我也在试着引起雷米卡的注意Ive been trying to get Remeccas attention, too.但问题是她的注意力全在丹那里The proble
10、m is she is all-in on Dan.我不是针对谁Dont take this the wrong way,我要说的是在座的各位都太无聊了but you all are boring.你要让事情具有戏剧性You need to sell the drama.我的建议是May I suggest.一场禁断的办公室恋情？a forbidden office romance?你是说我和他？With me and him?不可能No.听着播客是为那些不喜欢听音乐的孤独的人准备的Look, podcasts are for lonely people who dont like music
11、.但是你知道孤独的人喜欢什么吗？But you know what lonely people do like?我觉得我应该知道I feel like I should know this.谋杀和浪漫而你在很多场合里Murder and romance, and since youve made it clear都很清楚的表示过on multiple occasions that youre a stick in the mud对于谋杀你毫无可取之处所以我觉得应该是when it comes to murder, Fd go with.秘密的工作恋情！secret work love!你看见了
12、吗？Did you see that?这是她第一次正眼看我Thats the first time shes looked at me.那就这样吧尼尔我们在谈恋爱Thats it. Neil, were in a relationship.“美丽女人”规则Pretty Woman rules.不准接吻而且大多数时间我要和哈克特埃利桑多在一起No kissing； and itll be mostly me hanging out with Hector Elizondo. 这很有意思That is very funny.我都要笑出来了I am laughing.还有请告诉多纳泰洛我会带And
13、please, let Donatello know that I will be bringing哈利克斯夫妇来周日的聚餐the haricots verts to Sundays dish-to-pass.啊！Ah!你是斯卡尼阿特勒斯人是吗？Youre from Skaneateles, arent you?斯卡尼阿特勒斯，美国小镇，位于纽约州五指湖区你是怎么我也是那里人-How did you- - Thats where Im from.这是我所知道唯一个把这称为“出5鼠1：0中2$5”的地方Ifs the only place Ive ever heard it called a d
14、ish-to-pass. 其他地方他们都把这叫potluck （聚餐）Everywhere else, they call it a potluck.我是说就像一只该死的小妖精I mean, like a damn leprechaun往柑橘沙拉里加了许多橙子supremed all those oranges for that citrus salad?“幸运”.个鬼啊Scoffs LuckJ my butt.-那么 我们可以开始了吗？-可以了可以了-So, shall we start? - Sure, sure.嗨我是艾比Hi. Im Abby.你要找个座位吗？-不用不用-Would y
15、ou like to take a seat? - No, no, no, no.就装作他不在这里Just pretend like hes not even there.就当是闲聊This is just a conversation.那我们就从这个话题开始聊你对丹菲尔丁Why dont we begin with, how have you found在这工作有何看法？working with Dan Fielding?我对把丹带会这个法♥院♥从来没后悔过I have no regrets about bringing Dan to this court.我父亲
16、说丹比任何人都更值得他尊重My father always said there was no one he respected more, 而你要知道我觉得我们没聊到and you know, I feel like were missing-这里更重要的故事所以你是通过-a bigger story here- - So, y-you found Mr. Fielding 老熟人关系找来菲尔丁的？through a good of boy network?事情不止如此Theres more to it than that.因为这听起来像是你利用体制Because it sounds lik
17、e you manipulated the system 去帮助一个你父亲的老朋友to help out one of your fathers old buddies.这些椅子怎么越来越小了 ？Are these chairs getting smaller?这有点太热了It is hot out in here.-这是什么？-这是关于我们假恋爱-Whats this? - Its everything you need你所要知道的所有事情to know about our fake relationship.怎么啦？如果我们要这么干What? If we*re gonna make thi
18、s work,我们就需要尽可能让它看起来是真实的we need to make it seem as real as possible.好主意宝贝Good thinking, babe.你马上就能在第一页看到You will immediately see on page one that我们不是那种会称呼“宝贝”的情侣we are not a babe couple.你可以在第三页找到可用的呢称Youll find approved nicknames on page three.这不就是我们的名字吗？These are just our names.没错是我想出来的Yeah. I came
19、 up with those.请随意加上你的姓Feel free to add whatever your last name is.好吧嗯这里边有很多内容都是Alright, well, theres a lot in here covering我对“温达普规则”里每个人物该有什么感想how Im supposed to feel about everyone on Vanderpump Rules/ ”温达普规则”，2013年美剧但却没有任何关于我们感情的内容but nothing about where we are emotionally.比如我们到底有多认真？Like, how se
20、rious are we?这段恋情到了哪一步了？Where is this relationship going?这些都是哪冒出来的？Where is this coming from?嗯如果我要做你的假男朋友Well, if Im gonna be your fake boyfriend-男朋友？喔！好吧Boyfriend? Whoa! Okay. Chuckles 省省这些标签吧先生Save those labels for the runway, mister.哈！Ha!接下来你就要告诉我你怀孕了Next, youre gonna tell me you*re pregnant.猜猜怎么
21、着？你要独自抚养孩子Guess what? You are raising that baby alone.丹我搞砸了我把事情搞砸了Dan, I messed up. I messed up bad.这访谈适得其反The interview backfired.关于我雇你的时候I sorta let it slip走了一点捷径的事情我说漏嘴了that I may have shortcut a few rules when I hired you, 现在雷米卡要把我也干掉了and now Remecca wants to take me down, too.发生了什么事？What happen
22、ed?你和那个播客女士搞砸了 ？You mess things up with the podcast lady?-是啊事情有多糟？-Yeah. - How bad is it?嗯我对她说了 “那时候情况特殊”Well, I pulled out an, It was a different time.好吧Okay.所以我们有麻烦了 -为什么这么说有问题？-So, were in some trouble. - Why is that bad?在出问题的时候有三句话是禁语Three phrases you dont use in problematic situations-”那时候情况特殊”
23、It was a different time.”我只是在开玩笑”I meant it as a joke1.还有“我知道这么说不太好但是:And I know its not okay to say, but.反正就是别说！Just dont say it!我真不敢相信白人学校竟然连这个都不教I cant believe they dont teach that in white people school.公平的来讲并没有官方意义上真正的白人To be fair, theres not really an official white-达特茅斯Dartmouth.达特茅斯学院，八大常春藤之
24、一，实行精英化的招生政策，目前招收的白人占比大约75%,但我并没有找到说是白人学校的具体出处好吧听着我要去和雷米卡谈谈Okay, look, Im just gonna talk to Remecca.我是说我相信只要我能够心平气和的I mean, Tm sure if I just sit down with her,进行两个卡尼阿特勒斯人之间的谈话 我们就能解决这个问题one Skaneatelan to another, we can sort this out.我是说 我们都是在同一个地方长大的I mean, we grew up playing in the same parks.我
25、相信她对人犯蠢的人的遭遇肯定也有自己的想法Im sure she even has a theory on what happened to Billy Muggins.你知道也许艾比真能说服她You know, maybe Abby can convince her.也许吧但是啊我有个更好的主意Yeah, no, no. I got a better idea.我有三个更好的主意I got three better ideas.不能涉及争吵It cant involve wigs.好吧就用你的办法吧Okay, well go with yours.那来吧Come on.喔Wow.好吧我只希望
26、那东西还在下边Well, I just hope this thing is still down here.听着 记住不能让艾比知道我们在做什么And listen； remember, Abby cannot know what were doing.她需要合理置身事外的理由She needs plausible deniability.我明白的每个人都需要作掩护I get it. Everybody needs a cover story.所以我把刻着我挥手样子的纸板Thats why I keep a cardboard cutout of me waving放在保龄球馆的洗手间里in
27、 that bowling alley bathroom.“我们所说的这个古尔斯那晚在哪?”Where was Gurgs the night in question?1“她在保龄球馆的洗手间里表现得非常友好”She was in that bowling alley bathroom being super friendly/哦你知道吗？我觉得Oh, you know what? I think.额.晤没错！Uh-huh. Yeah!就是它！This is it!我没搞明白这老旧的金属探测仪怎么I dont get it. How is some old metal detector能够解决
28、那个播客女士带来得问题？gonna solve things with the podcast lady?这可不是什么老旧的金属探测仪This is not just some old metal detector.我们叫它“梅格瑞恩”因为长时间暴露在它之下We called it Meg RyanJ cause prolonged exposure梅格瑞恩，美国演员，塑造过众多可爱的“甜女”形象，享有美国甜心的称号♥ 能融化人的心（物理）was known to melt peoples hearts.而对我们来说更重要的是这东西里的磁铁More importantly for
29、 us, though, the magnets in this thing-它们会烧毁任何靠近它的电子设备theyll fry any electrical equipment it comes near.这会抹掉所有东西Ifll just erase everything.很巧妙吧嗯哼？Brilliant, huh?这是我放备用品的地方This is where I keep my spare.好了我已经准备好和雷米卡的谈话了Alright, I am all set for my chat with Remecca.我拿了些洛甘莓汽水一些白热狗I imported loganberry
30、pop, some white hots,这些都是卡尼阿特勒斯最棒的美味all of the finest Skaneateles delicacies.白热狗？White hot dogs?说是“美味”可能不太合适“Delicacy” may not be the right word.说“食物“可能也不太合适Food may not be the right word.那是什么还有为什么它会让我觉得牙疼？What is that, and why is it making my teeth hurt?哦只是额外的安保措施Oh, just some extra security.我知道在州北
31、部你们只要扔点钉子在地上I know upstate you just throw some tacks on the floor,但这里是大城市我们都穿着鞋but here in the big city, we wear shoes.那些警告用的是俄语？Is that warning in Russian?.哦不要-不要（俄语-Oh, no- - Nyet!我知道这事情有古怪I knew something was weird.-到底是怎么回事？ -这都是丹的主意-What is going on? - It was Dans idea.我在保龄球馆的洗手间I was in the bow
32、ling alley bathroom.好吧听着唯一解决这事的办法就是让她Alright, look, the only way to fix this is to get her穿过这个机器并且抹掉她从我们这得到的所有信息to walk through that machine and erase everything that she has on us.这东西肯定不安全Theres no way that thing is safe.安全性没有问题It is definitely safe.而我提醒你下我没有发过誓And I remind you, I am not under oath
33、.你为什么这么生气？Why are you so annoyed?我只是问你生不生我的气All I asked is if you were mad at me.哦你也许嗯Oh, you prob- Mm. Machine whirs 尼尔多数时候我的情绪怎么样和你一点关系都没有Neil, sometimes my mood has nothing to do with you.哦你都把我搞傻了Oh, you were driving me so crazy,我把我的包忘在餐厅了I left my bag in the cafeteria. Machine whirs 事实上我把你的包带过来了
34、Actually, I have your bag right here,因为我是顾念着你的呀because I think about you.哦你可真是我的“英雄”Oh, my hero.我会离不开你的rd be so lost without you.哦又是这样你的这种冷嘲热讽Oh, there it is. Your sarcasm.这就是妨碍这段关系的第三者The third wheel in this relationship.哈！我不想打击到你Ha! Hate to break it to you,但你才是那个妨碍宝贝！but youre the third wheel, bab
35、e!哦所以我们是“宝贝”情侣了Oh, so I guess we are a babe couple.我们不是情侣尼尔！We are not a couple, Neil!看在上帝的份上别站在那了 ！For the love of God, dont stand right there!我们结束了We are through.我受够了像你的你的小牛犊一样被关在围栏里I am done being fenced in like your- your love veal. 我是被放养的小鬼！I am free-range, buster!为什么我的冰咖啡这么烫？Why is my iced cof
36、fee so hot?等等！Wait! Machine whirs -那是怎么回事？ 我也不知道-What was that about? -1 don*t know.但我们必须让他们保持冷静But we have to keep them calm.他们现在快成浩克了Theyre Hulks now.Thats Remecca Monte-Pulciano.她主持的那个播客我很喜欢She hosts this podcast that I love,”社会考察家”“The Social Archaeologist.我对播客没什么兴趣Im not a fan of podcasts.我喜欢有声
37、书Im an audiobook gal.我正在看马修麦康纳Im in the middle of Matthew McConaugheys.马修麦康纳，美国演员，出演过”德州电锯杀人狂”“猎杀U571”等作品明天我要对你用这种口气Tomorrow, Fm gonna hit you with an-“全体起立 全体起立 全体起立”As McConaughey All rise, all rise, all rise.她的节目关注于所有人This one focuses on everyday people并且深入发掘什么是他们的源动力and digs deep into what makes
38、 them inspirational.我基本上能肯定是她了Im almost positive its her.只有一个办法能确定There*s only one way to find out.能请证人复述以下这句话吗Would the witness please say the phrase,“这里是你的智慧星期三”？Here is your Wisdom-Out Wednesday?这里是你的智慧星期三Here is your Wisdom-Out Wednesday.哦哦！就是她！Oh-ho! It is her!我终于看见她当面说话了I finally got to see he
39、r mouth move while she says it.现在我们可以死而无憾了Now that weve achieved all our dreams, only death awaits.等等被告哪去了 ？Wait, wheres the defendant?还有我的钱包呢？And where*s my purse?哦有人看见发生了什么吗？等等 喔哦别走 等等 你要去哪？Wait. Whoa, no. Wait, where are you going?你还不能走我们需要你做诱饵You can*t go. We need you as bait.不不是诱饵用词错误No, bait W
40、rong word. Bad word.不是诱饵应该是Not bait, but.不是诱饵没错No, baits the right word.我要用善意感化雷米卡I wanted to kill Remecca with kindness,而不是冷战射线武器not Cold War radiation.我的雷雷叔叔就是被感化的My Uncle Ray-Ray was killed with kindness.这是条很艰难的路Its a rough way to go.什么？What.?哦不用管我Oh, dont mind me.回去继续你们扼杀言论自♥由♥的计划吧
41、Go back to your plan to stifle free speech.一个在只有一扇门的房♥间A plan that would have worked better.能更好执行的计划in a room with one door.好吧雷米卡我知道着看上去非常糟Okay, Remecca, I know this looks bad.你的播客是用来鼓舞人们的而如果你搞垮了我们Your podcast is about inspiring people, and if you tear us down, 你真的会后悔的I really think youre gon
42、na regret this.我从来不会后悔I regret nothing.你说什么？他们不管这叫播友-Im sorry? - They don*t call it pod-friends.他们管这叫生意They call it pod-business.他们也这么叫？Do they call it either?嘿雷米卡Hey, Remecca.这一节里你漏掉了个非常重要的环节one very important thing youre missing for this episode.一个全盘解密的访谈A tell-all interview.我会把所有事情都说清楚只有一个条件141 c
43、ome clean about everything, under one condition.你要让艾比置身事外You leave Abby out of it.还有你要给我们那种能装在小盒子里的大垫子And you get us all giant mattresses that somehow come in tiny boxes. 成交You have a deal.对你也是And so do you.但顺便说一句你没法把它装回盒子里But FYI, you cant put it back in the box然后看着它再次展开来and watch it unfold again.你
44、可以试试但不会有好结果的You can try, but it will only end in madness.丹我不能让你这么做Dan, I cant let you do that.你会丢掉你的工作的You would lose your job.你要知道当我提出那个条件的时候You know, when I made that offer,我没看到什么好的方面I-I didnt see a bright side.谢谢你帮我找到了Thank you for finding it.嘿我一直在给你发消息Hey, Ive been texting you.是啊 太奇怪了我的手♥
45、机♥罢♥ I♥TYeah, its weird- my phone isnt working.我所有的信♥用♥卡♥都消磁了All my credit cards are erased,而当我拿起勺子时它们都这样and when I pick up spoons, they do this now.所以我们不适合做假情侣 是吗？So, we don*t really make the best fake couple, huh?更可怕的是这算是我最健康的一段感情了Scary thing is, this was actually one of my healthier relationships.我也许真有些责任I might have some real commitment issues.你知道吗我留意你们俩有段时间了You know, I have been watching the two of you