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1、腱写作练习与讲评讲义概要写作是一种耍求学生在读懂文章的基础上用自己的语言归纳出文章主旨大意的书 面表达形式，涉及“阅读+写作”两种技能的运用，因此对学生的阅读理解、概括归纳和书面 表达等能力都提出了很高要求。考生要在概要写作中取得较理想的分数，必须做到以下几 点：第一，需要通过阅读，准确把握不同体裁文章的主旨大意；第二，需要把握文章的内 部逻辑关系，区分主要观点和用以支撑的细节信息；第三，需要用自己的语言，精准、连 贯地写出主旨大意。学生习作分析题目要求阅读下面短文，根据其内容写一篇60词左右的内容概要：Cyberspace （网络空间） has given rise to a new soc
2、ial change where people make friends from across the world, but know little about their next-door neighbors. This worries critics （批评家）.Take Bob for example. He thinks his neighbor doesnt know anything about gardening, but his instant messaging friend Gr33nThum does. Besides, Gr33nThum doesnt do tha
3、t annoying sound when he talks. Those people like Bob have long been criticized for their lack of necessary social skills. Critics think people almost forget how to naturally communicate with their neighbors, creating a social network of strangers.However, a report entitled The Strength of Internet
4、Ties55 provides a different opinion. Sociologists are suggesting that the Internet helps develop social networks and make use of them when it matters most.Friends often move. As kids, our friends parents move away. As adults, we move away to college or for work. Communicative tools have made losing
5、touch the result of laziness, not distance. uThe larger and the more diverse （多样）a persons network, the more important e-mail is, “ argues Jeffrey Boase, who co-authored the report. uYou can5t make phone calls or personal visits to all your friends very often, but you can keep in touch with them reg
6、ularly with the help of the Internet. That turns out to be very important/5In addition to expanding and strengthening the social ties people keep in the offline world, Internet and e-mail provide a social and informational support group that helps people make difficult decisions and face challenges.
7、 Internet use provides online users a path to resources, such as access to people who may have the right information to help deal with family health problems or find a new job, says John Horrigan, author of the report. uThe Internet creates a new basis for community. Rather than relying on a single
8、community for social support, people often must actively seek out a variety of appropriate people and resources for different situations, says co-author Barry Wellman.考题分析原文是一篇层次分明的议论文，由五个段落组成。文章的结构为：引论（第一段）， 本论（第二段）和论据（三、四两段）。但文中有不少长难句，要梳理出每段的要点并用 精练的语言加以概括，还是有一定难度的。命题教师也给出了一个概要的样本：Some critics wor
9、ry that cyberspace will rob the Internet users of necessary social skills.（要点 1） However, a report suggests that the Internet can be of benefits to social networks.（要点 2） It can serve as a tool to help people stay in regular touch with friends. （要点 3） Besides, it supplies people with social and info
10、rmational resources when they are faced with difficult situations.（要点 4）习作点评学生习作1 （得分3分）Cyberspace has given rise to a new social change where people make friends from across the world, but know little about their next door neighbors. Cyberspace are large and more diverse a persons network. It has m
11、ore important e-mail is. So I think cyberspace is very good for our life. （50 3司）点评1显而易见，这个考生的英语阅读能力和写作能力都是很弱的。文中除照抄原文的第一 句话和第一个要点与原文意思接近外，其他没有点到任何一个要点。第二、三两句话也是 从原文中的句子“The larger and the more diverse a person& network, the more important e-mail is, argues Jeffrey Boase改写的，且存在语法错误。只有最后一个简 短的句子是考生自己
12、的话。根据评分标准，这篇概要写作在原文理解和语言质量方面都存 在很大问题，且所使用的50个词中大部分为原文的句子。可见，对于英语基础差的考生, 摘抄拼凑原文的内容并不能提高得分，扎扎实实地从阅读入手，读懂读透原文是提高概要 写作能力的第一步。学生习作2 （得分7分）Cyberspace makes a new social change, it has bad hand and great hand. Someone thinks the internet makes people lack of necessary social skills. However, some people th
13、ink first the internet helps develop social networks. Secondly, the internet makes people more convenient. Finally, the internet creates a new basis for community. Therefore, the internet is fantastic in some hands. In other hands, it may be bad. （65 词）点评2与上一篇习作比较，这个考生的阅读理解能力要好一些，基本读懂了原文，能找到文 中的部分要点
14、和一些关键词，如“lack of necessary social skills uhelp develop social networks”，并有意识地使用了一些连贯词,如“However” “secondly” “finally” “therefore”。 但显然，这个考生的词汇量、语言表达和概括能力是欠缺的，比如全篇反复用到的“hand” 一词，虽然可能对高中教学中经常提到的“on one hand”和“on the other hand”有些印象， 但文中的运用都是错误的。第一句bad hand and great hand”应该是“disadvantages and advantag
15、es”的意思，最后两句的“hands”换成“aspects”较好。可见考生词汇量十分匮乏。 虽然考生能找到关键词“lack of necessary social skills,但其改写的句子“Someone thinks internet makes people lack of necessary social sk川s.“ 不够地道， 用“make”这样的句式比 较生硬,改为“Some people believe internet is the cause of ”或者result in ”等表达方 式或许更妥。考生在用原文词汇拼凑要点时.，还出现了许多词汇和语法上的错误，影响了 意义
16、的表达。学生习作3 （得分13分）Cyberspace changed our life and we always make friends on the Internet. Some critics worried that we will lose the necessary social skill. However, a report had a different opinion. They thought that we can keep in touch with all your friends regularly on the internet. And it also h
17、elps us to deal with difficult challenges. The Internet creates a new basis for community, people can find suitable people and resources. （70 词）点评3这篇习作包含了大部分要点，涵盖了第一段的引论和第三、四两段的论据，但最重要 的立论只用了“However, a report had a different opinions没有点明要点。习作的语言 质量比上两篇要好一点，词汇和句子错误不多。但仍可以看出语言运用能力和概括能力有 待进一步提高，比如习作中第
18、一和第二雨句Cyberspace changed our life and we always make friends on the Internet. Some critics worried that we will lose the necessary social skill.”都是对要点一的阐述，不够精练到位，合成一句Some critics worry that we w川lose the necessary social skill since we always make friends on the internet.”会更好。习作中 很多句子还是对原文的词块的简单重组，行
19、文不够连贯和紧凑。如“They thought that we can keep in touch with all your friends regularly on the internet. ”套用原文词块时忘t己改变 人称，出现了 we 和 you 的混乱，建议改成“Thanks to the internet, we can keep in touch with all our friends regularly.。“The Internet creates a new basis for community”一句更是 完全照搬原文，可以省略。学生习作4 （得分18分）Cybersp
20、ace leads to changes of society, which makes critics set out to worry. They hold a belief that nowadays people even lose the ability of natural communicating.Nevertheless, there is a report indicating an opposite view against critics that the Internet contributes to develop social networks. They poi
21、nt out that instead of distance, it is the laziness that result in peoples losing touch. Also, they attach great importance to the Internet in communication. Additionally, the online worlds lay a solid foundation for community, giving people a hand to make decision and face challenges. (94 词) 点评4这篇习
22、作较上面三篇显然要好很多，学生对原文的理解准确，四个要点都已覆盖，且 习作几乎完全用自己的语言重新组织了几个要点，行文流畅，词汇和结构比较丰富，如连 贯词用至U了“nevertheless” “also” “additionally”，句子结构运用了定语从句(Cyberspace leads to changes of society, which makes critics set out to worry.)、同位语从句(there is a report indicating an opposite view against critics that the Internet contr
23、ibutes to develop social networks.),强调句(it is the laziness that result in peoples losing touch.), 非谓语 (giving people a hand to make decision and face challenges.) 等复杂的结构。 虽然文中也出现了两处语言错误，如：contributes to develop social networks (to是介词， 应为developing)和 it is the laziness that result in peoples losing t
24、ouch(laziness 是单数， 从句谓语应改为results in),但都是因为尝试较复杂的结构和较高级的词汇造成的，且不 影响意义的表达。然而这篇习作最大的问题是概括不够言简意赅，语言不够精练，包含了 一些可以省略的细节。如第一、二两句Cyberspace leads to changes of society, which makes critics set out to worry. They hold a belief that nowadays people even lose the ability of natural communicating.”建议可以提炼成一句Cri
25、tics worry that people even lose the ability of natural communication due to the changes of society brought by cyberspace. 又如习作中“ They point out that instead of distance, it is the laziness that result in peoples losing touch.”这个细节可以删去，直接阐明“the internet helps people stay in regular touch with friend
26、s”就可以了。概要写作的词数范围为40-80,过多或过少都要酌 情扣两分。学生习作5 （得分23分）Critics have long been worried that the Internet may deprive people of necessary social sk川s, bringing about a great social change. However, a report recently published provided a different opinion. It says that the Internet makes distance no longer
27、a setback for communication and thus expands and strengthens the social ties in the real world. Besides, it is stated that the Internet provides a social and informational support group that helps people make decisions. （74 词）点评5这篇习作在呈现的五篇习作中显然是能脱颖而出的，考生不仅对原文理解精准，而且 概括到位，语言精练，行文流畅，体现出较高的英语运用能力。全文在原创
28、的情况下没有 出现词汇或结构错误，且自如运用高级词汇和复杂结构，如篇首“Critics have long been worried that the Internet may deprive people of necessary social skills, bringing about a great social change造一句。能在对原文准确解读的基础上，巧妙精练地加以总结，如对 要点三的阐明“It says that the Internet makes distance no longer a setback for communication and thus expands and strengthens the social ties in the real world.”一句。 可惜的是，对于要点二，立论的阐明还不够到位，应进一步表述a different opinion的内容。 但瑕不掩瑜，这仍然是一篇佳作。