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1、读后续写（结巴的歌者）练习写作指导讲义续写题目阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写，使之构成一篇完整的 短文。We call Talent Show the biggest stage in our country. I stood on that huge stage, with my throat dry. As I stared at the audience, I knew this moment could change my life forever. When judges asked my name and I tried to speak, nothing came
2、out. The crowd fell silent, waiting for the words to come. Finally I stuttered my name and my age. HAs you can tell,H I said, ul have a speech disorder.Id love to sing and had already signed up for the school talent show in fourth grade when I started stuttering.Fortunately, most of the kids at my s
3、chool were kind, and I was rarely made fun of. I tried speech therapy too, but it didn*t help. I feared to sing in the school talent show. Therefore, I decided to practice at home. To my surprise, the words came smoothly when I sang. And then I decided to learn to play the guitar, which was given as
4、 a birthday gift by my father.One afternoon, I walked into the basement, where I kept my musical equipment. My eyes lit on the guitar. I picked it up and started playing. I opened my mouth, and the words came flooding out. Then I wrote a song called I Will Trust, telling the pain Id experienced. The
5、 next day, I filmed a video of performing the song and posted it online. Hundreds of strangers left comments that I had uplifted them with my music. Ever since, Tve been writing songs.Last year, I started college and majored in music production. When I sawTalent Show audition announcement pop up on
6、my computer, I wanted to have a try. Several months later, I was standing on that stage, trying to calm my nerves as I introduced myself. Hl have a speech impediment, I said. It was definitely something that caused me to. J I took a long pause to find the words. H .to hide. But I found that I dont s
7、tutter when I sing.Paragraph 1Then I began to sing a new song Id just written.Paragraph 2My performance on Talent Show had a deep influence on me.续写答案para 1: Then I began to sing a new song Id just written.All sound receded as the spotlight found me. My heart skipped a beat but my hands remained ste
8、ady on the strings. In total devotion, I performed Passion, my voice spreading out, reaching the audience loud and clear. With words gushing out of my heart, my mind drifted down memory lane where countless moments when I feared to speak flashed by. At the end of that winding road, I heard myself si
9、nging, “In between the silence and darkness, true passion ignites the day.”para 2: My performance on Talent Show had a deep influence on me.After the show, a record label representative approached me with an offer to finance and produce my first album. Eventually, I signed a deal with them that allo
10、wed me to work on my album at a comfortable pace while attending school. Who could have thought the glamorous stage that used to feature in my worst nightmares turned out to be the stepping stone toward my sweetest dream? I guess its just like what I wrote in the song jin between the embarrassment a
11、nd let down, true passion always finds its way.”续写精析para 1: Then I began to sing a new song Id just written.（首段续写根据两段提示语决定首尾。第一段提示语，“接着，我开始唱一首我刚写的歌。”第二段提示语-，“我在talent show的表现对我影响很深。”根据两段提示语，首段剧情应该围绕这首歌的演唱展开。但有几个需要先考虑清楚的问题：1.要不要介绍这首歌？ 2.介绍这首歌 的哪些信息？ 3.主角唱歌的状态怎么样？ 4.主角的心理怎么变化？首先，当读者看到提示语时，自然会产生心理预期，“这
12、是一首什么歌？关 于什么？歌词怎么写的？”所以第一段续写需要至少包括，歌名，歌的主旨。如果更好的话，歌词。其次，原文中开头和结尾有两处提示，1. “I stood on that huge stage, with my throat dry.”站在舞台上，口干舌燥。2. “But I found that I dont stutter when I sing. 我发现当我唱歌时，我不会口吃。从这两句话，我们可以推理出主角的心理状态，应当是从紧张开始，随着 歌声响起，主角沉浸到音乐之中，心更稳定镇静。第一段的剧情主线就是如此。下面进入分句精析All sound receded as the sp
13、otlight found me.（“当聚光灯找到我时，所有的声音如潮水退却。”续写中五大要素一环境、心理、行为、语言和反应要灵活运用。在镜头转向主角之前，先烘托环境，营造阅读的临场感。运用拟人修辞手法的无灵主语句the spotlight found me很灵动。）My heart skipped a beat but my hands remained steady on the strings.（“我的心漏跳一拍但双手却稳在弦上。”上一句环境描写开头，最终镜头切到主角身上，这句视角转向人物微表情 描写，体现人物的状态。这句话的创作有3重考量。第一，微表情的选取结合对比的手法，凸显出此刻人
14、物不止是单纯心理紧 张，而是处于渐入佳境的过渡状态。描写更准确且让人印象深刻。第二，琴弦呼应原文中主角边弹边唱的风格铺垫，细节更具有沉浸感。“My eyes lit on the guitar. I picked it up and started playing. I opened my mouth, and the words came flooding out.”第三，很多人写作中只要出现手，要么是在抖trembling,要么在出汗palms sweating,此处我却设计主角双手稳在弦上。首先，弹吉他需要两只手并用，所 以hands用复数更准确；其次，心理紧张但双手的稳定亦凸显出主角平
15、时训练有 素，侧面烘托了主角的音乐才能。）In total devotion, I performed Passion, my voice spreading out, reaching the audience loud and clear.（“全情投入下，我演唱了 Passion.我的声音朝四周传去，抵达听众时，洪 亮又清晰。”这首歌的名字叫passion,我选择用这个词着重体现于音乐的热忱对主角产 生的巨大影响，同时它也将作为题眼串起全文。通过spread out和reach我试图赋予无形的歌声实感，想象它像拥抱一样， 包围台下的每一位观众。Loud and clear说明全情投入下的主
16、角已经不再口吃，呼应原文铺垫，同时 再次烘托主角的歌唱能力，为下文做铺垫。）With words gushing out of my heart, my mind drifted down memory lane where countless moments when I feared to speak flashed by.（“言语从心底涌出，思绪飘过记忆的小巷，无数不敢开口的瞬间一闪而过。” 在上一句描写了歌名和主题，我考虑了如何呈现歌的内容。用about, tell等词引入过于直白无趣，所以我设计了叙事视角由实转虚，从 舞台上飘到回忆中。用Drifted down memory lan
17、e的修辞替代remember等常用 字眼。让读者通过翻阅歌声唤起的主角回忆，自然领会歌曲的内容一一countless moments silenced by fear。这样的表达，含蓄又巧妙，清新且自然。）At the end of that winding road, I heard myself singing, “In between the silence and darkness, true passion ignites the day.”（“在那条蜿蜒的路的尽头，我听到自己在唱歌，“在寂静和黑暗之间，真正 的激情点亮了一天。”winding road 呼应 memory lane
18、o at the end of the winding road, 用回忆走至U 尽头，提示歌曲也到达尾声，视角自然由虚转实，一语双关。I head myself singing是一种抽离的写作手法，好像我整个灵魂刚刚从回忆 的小路上走回。最后的歌词特别花了心思。Silence and darkness的指代和象征。silence代指害怕开口的沉默，darkness 赋予那些时光沉重的色彩。无需对原文剧情的直接描写，读者自然能解读出这 两个词的含义。甚至因为话没有说明，读者能解读出更多的信息。ignite赋予passion温度和色彩。同时呼应上一句歌词的darknesso音乐让主角可以流畅地说
19、话，切实驱散了说出每一个词时主角历经的挣扎 和沉默。如同黑暗中的火把，对音乐的热爱照亮人的精神和前路。第一段的歌词结尾亦为后文埋下伏笔。para 2:My performance on Talent Show had a deep influence on me.（这段话的重点是体现Talent Show的influence.有两种写作思路。1 .在原文伏笔基础上更进一步。原文提示过，主角曾把自己的歌唱视频分享到网络上,然后获得很多关注和评论。那么第二段可以在此基础上展开，写主角在这场表演后获 得更多的关注，越来越多的人收至IJ她/他的鼓舞。但这种写法的问题是，故事同质化太 高，续写分数中情节
20、原创性得分会很低，即便文笔很好，也几乎不可能拿到满分。2 .同样基于原文伏笔，We call Talent Show the biggest stage in our country. 这个舞 台的影响力应该类似于英国的X Factor,美国的American Idol, The Voice,或我国之前 的中国好声音。在这些舞台上成名的歌手很有机会被唱片公司选中出专辑，比如英国现在最热的流行 歌手Harry Styles就是在X Factor上和其他四个小伙伴组团One Direction出道，然后 成为当时全球范围内最热的boyband,在2012年伦敦奥运会上进行闭幕式表演。基于此背景推理
21、，我构思了第二段剧情。下面进入分句精析。）After the show, a record label representative approached me with an offer to finance and produce my first album. Eventually, I signed a deal with them that allowed me to work on my album at a comfortable pace while attending school.从我个人写作习惯来说，我喜欢续写的情节围绕一个相对短的时间段展开，这样我可 以尽可能描写多方面
22、细节，增强阅读的沉浸感。但这段话中提示“deep influence，很 深的影响一般都需要时间去展开和呈现，所以我只能运用春秋笔法，用时间状语after the show做串联，然后呈现出影响的内容。“演出结束后，一位唱片公司的代表找到我，提议资助并制作我的第一张专辑。最终， 我与他们签署了一项协议，允许我在上学期间以舒适的节奏制作我的专辑。”这两句话是对后续剧情展开的概叙。对几乎所有参加选秀节目的歌手，与唱片公司签 约应该都是终极梦想。我在此处设计此剧情，也侧面证明主角的演出很成功，让人印 象深刻。我设计 了诸多细节，如 record label representative, finan
23、ce and produce, sign a deal, work on my album, attend school等，分别与 唱片公司，制作专辑 相匹配，并呼应原文中 主 角正在上大学的情节，希望能增强这段剧情的真实性，让读者更为信服。Who could have thought the glamorous stage that used to feature in my worst nightmares turned out to be the stepping stone toward my sweetest dream?（这句话便是我信手拈来又很满意的一句话。Who could h
24、ave thought?谁能想到呢？作为引入，奠定整体随性的语言风格，体现出 主角本人的意外，也激发读者的阅读兴趣。“谁能想到曾经出现在我最糟糕的噩梦中的迷人舞台竟然是通往我最甜蜜梦想的垫脚 石？ ”老读者会知道，在结尾处我很喜欢用对比的写作手法，用带有隐喻或象征的巧妙表达， 去总结上文，收束全文。这也算是比较具有个人特点的写作习惯。此处我重复了“Talent Show的舞台”这个意象，用了合理的联想构造了一个“晚上做噩 梦经常梦见这个舞台”的情景，然后用它来和第二段的美好结果做对比，这个噩梦里的 常客竟然摇身一变成为梦想的踏脚石。命运的造化如此玄奇。）I guess its just lik
25、e what I wrote in the song, “In between the embarrassment and let down, true passion always finds its way.”（又到了尾声。语言风格承接上句，“i guess its just what i wrote in the song弓|入,依然是随性随心。 最后的压轴句是一句运用了 3重巧思的歌词。1 .从歌词的位置和句式结构上，置于首段和第二段的最后一句都是对称、对仗和押韵 的。这样首先营造出了一种形式的美感。这样结构上的相似也符合歌曲创作的特征， 即同一种结构的重复使用。2 . Embarra
26、ssment and let down分别指代 在人前说话结巴时的尴尬,和speech therapy 无果的失望，呼应原文主角的经历；而后半句true passion always finds it way指代主 角对音乐的热爱与坚持终于结出甜美的果实。用和首段结尾同样的欲扬先抑的语言风 格，将整个故事的脉络进行了总结和梳理。3 .这句话中第三次出现了 passion这个关键词。第一次是歌名，第二次在第一段的歌 词里，第三次在这里。经过三次重复后，我希望能把passion这个词烙在读者的脑海 里。写作不可避免会渗透作者自己的人生观和价值观。在生活中，我们或许没有口吃，但是每个人又或许都有些“东西”阻碍自己去尝试，让 自己害怕去追逐。这最后的一句话其实也是我借主角之口，送给自己和所有读者共勉。机会一直都在，不同的是面对机会的人。无论你选择什么样的人生理想，只要坚持下去，“在尴尬和失望之间，真正的激情总会找到自己的路