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1、续写原文&细节分析I was invited to a cookout on an old fHends farm in western Washington. I parked my car outside the farm and walked past a milking house which had apparently not been used in many years. A noise at a window caught my attention, so I entered it. It was a hummingbird （蜂鸟）, desperately trying
2、to escape. She was covered in spider-webs （蛛网）and was barely able to move her wings. She ceased her struggle the instant I picked her up.With the bird in my cupped hand, I looked around to see how she had gotten in. The broken window glass was the likely answer. I stuffed a piece of cloth into the h
3、ole and took her outside, closing the door securely behind me.细节分析1:main plot:我去好友的农场野炊，路遇一只误入牛奶房然后被蛛网困住的蜂鸟， 我救了她。main characters:I, the hummingbird （she）, my old friends where:my old friends farm in west Washington, a milking house with a broken window glassThe character of 细心，有爱心When I opened my h
4、and, the bird did not fly away; she sat looking at me with her bright eyes. I removed the sticky spider-webs that covered her head and wings. Still, she made no attempt to fly. Perhaps she had been struggling against the window too long and was too tired? Or too thirsty?As I carried her up the black
5、berry-lined path toward my car where I kept a water bottle, she began to move. I stopped, and she soon took wing but did not immediately fly away.Hovering （悬停）,she approached within six inches of my face. For a very long moment, this tiny creature looked into my eyes, turning her head from side to s
6、ide. Then she flew quickly out of sight.细节分析2：main plot:我救出蜂鸟后，她没有立刻飞走，而是停留了一会儿，仔细地看了我 一会儿Why didnt the bird fly immediately?惊魂稍定；记住“我”的样子，好好道别，可能还会再来找“我”，感谢 峨“The character of the hummingbird:聪明，通人性，感恩Place & Time:The blackberry-lined path, summerDuring the cookout, I told my hosts about the hummin
7、gbird incident.They promised to fix the window. As I was departing, my friends walked me to my car. I was standing by the car when a hummingbird flew to the center of our group and began hovering. She turned from person to person until she came to me. She again looked directly into my eyes, then let
8、 out a squeaking call and was gone. For a moment, all were speechless. Then someone said, She must have come to say goodbye/9 细节分析3：main plot:主人答应修好窗户，“我”离开的时候蜂鸟再出现Why did the hummingbird fly to find me?She must have come to say goodbye.Paragraph 1: A few weeks later, I went to the farm again.Paragr
9、aph 2:1 was just about to leave when the hummingbird appeared.基于上文、细节分析和段首句，回答下列问题：QI: What might I” do the second time I went to the farm?Al: To cookout and talk with “my old friendsQ2: Why did the hummingbird appear again? What might happen?A2: She may fly to thank me and interact with me.Q3: What
10、 details in the passage might be echoed in the continuous writing?A3: Whether the broken window was fixed, the detailed places and time 2 审题WHEN: Summer, in the daytimeWHERE: the milking house, the blackberry-lined path, the farmWHAT: “我”救了被蛛网困住的蜂鸟，蜂鸟感谢“我”TOPIC:人与自然主题语境一人帮助小动物，小动物感恩；人和小动 物之间的友谊CONFL
11、ICT （待解决的问题）：破窗是否修好了； “我”和蜂鸟的故事 怎么继续整理原文中关于蜂鸟的细节描写：出场：It was a hummingbird （蜂鸟），desperately trying to escape. She was covered in spider-webs （蛛网）and was barely able to move her wings.互动：She sat looking at me with her bright eyes. Hovering （悬停），she approached within six inches of my face. This tiny c
12、reature looked intomy eyes, turning her head from side to side. A hummingbird flew to the center of our group and began hovering. She again looked directly into my eyes, then let out a squeaking call and was gone.（注意看标粗重复 出现的表达）3情节框架构建（不唯一）Paragraph 1: A few weeks later, I went to the farm again.I又路
13、过milking house,看到broken window已经被修好了I安心地去和朋友们cookout,朋友们提到蜂鸟最近每天都飞来， 好像在找我【I】听到的反应，但cookout结束了，我准备离开时蜂鸟却还没出现Paragraph 2:1 was just about to leave when the hummingbird appeared.hummingbird出场的描写Il的反应：开心，感动，和蜂鸟互动，蜂鸟表达感谢【点题】升华主旨：人和自然界小动物的缘分和感情由于篇幅有限，以上分析完文章后，以下重点和大家分享续写第二段 中蜂鸟出场的描写和“我”与蜂鸟的互动。Hummingbird
14、 1出场的描写中文句子：伴随着越来越近的翅膀煽动的嗡嗡声，我意识到她来了！ 我抬头一看，她悬停在我的前方。英文表达：听觉+视觉：蜂鸟的嗡嗡声+蜂鸟的眼睛With a familiar buzzing sound 声音 approaching, I realized it was her! Looking up, I saw a small figure 视觉 hovering in the air 原文表 达 whose bright eyes 原文表达 were fixed on my face.1. Apparently, the familiar and approaching buzz
15、ing sound announced her appearance. The moment I looked up, a small figure leaped to the eye 映入眼帘.The bright eyes!原文表达 It was her!听觉+视觉：蜂鸟煽动翅膀的声音+蜂鸟的眼睛Hearing the fluttering 煽动 of wings 声音，I looked up to see my lovely little friend hovering 原文表达 near me with her eyes, as bright as before原文表达, fixed
16、on me. She was so small and delicate, yet full of life and energy.触觉+听觉+视觉：风吹过+蜂鸟吱吱叫的声音+蜂鸟俯冲过来停在树 枝上4.1 felt a gust of wind 一阵风 before a familiar and merry 愉快的 squeaking call 原文表达 came into my ears. It was her! No sooner had I raised up my head than a tiny creature swooped 俯冲 towards me and landed o
17、n a twig 树枝 just an inch before me.I和蜂鸟互动描写场景一：蜂鸟衔了东西回来，和我表达感谢中文句子1:我一看见她就忍不住笑起来。她在我的肩膀上停下，口 中衔着一朵茉莉花，我伸出手，她轻轻地把花放在我手心，然后用头 蹭了蹭我的脖子，高兴地叫了一声，飞走了。英文表达1:外貌（颜色、形状、标志性器官）+动作（小孩般撒娇 的）+特有声音1.1 couldnt resist smiling at the sight of her, marveling at 惊叹 her tiny body and the iridescent green 荧光绿 of her feat
18、her. She landed on my shoulder with jasmine 茉莉花 in her beak 喙 I reached out and she dropped her thank-you gift in my palm tenderly, then rubbed 蹭 her head against my neck. Good girl, nice to see you again J I said, stroking 轻抚 her gently. As if understanding my words, she let out a high-pitched 声调高的
19、 chirp 叽喳声 as a response, then whirred 呼呼 作声地飞away.场景二：蜂鸟没衔东西回来，和我表达感谢中文句子2：我伸出手，她停在我的手指上。她用同样闪闪发光的眼 神看我。我们看着彼此，我感到了我们之间的联系。英文表达2：和动物互动：安静版一对视、感受双方的连接；活动版聊天、拥抱、抚摸1. Out of ecstasy 狂喜 J reached out my finger for her to rest when my tiny friend studied 仔细看 me with the same sparkling and pleasant eyes.
20、 For a moment, we simply stared at each other, enjoying the quiet connection.总结积累的语料有限时，怎么“糊弄”动物描写？找原文！把原文关于这个动物的细节描写找出来，灵活地运用到自己 的写作中。语料积累足够，但怎么把动物写得栩栩如生人见人?1 .把动物当小朋友写，把小朋友的一些特征行为安排到动物身上。如贪吃、爱撒娇、信任人、傻乎乎地乐呵，但是注意，重点是要搭配 ta们美好善良的品质。2 .从“五感”的角度写。视觉角度写动物的外貌、听觉角度写动物特有 的声音、触觉角度写和动物的拥抱抚摸互动等。下水作文:A few wee
21、ks later, I went to the fann again. Having parked my car, I walked straight to the deserted milking house and noticed the broken window was newly fixed. Peering in, luckily, I didnt come across one more misguided hummingbird. After the safety check”, it was the cookout time. With the smell of roaste
22、d food wafting in the air, my friends and I chatted agreeably. And guess what?” the hosts said, A hummingbird flies over here every day. Maybe its your old friend!” Surprised and moved, I hoped inwardly to see my little friend once again. But until my friends walked to my car, she still hadnt appear
23、ed. 99 词I was just about to leave when the hummingbirdappeared. Apparently, the familiar buzzing sound announced her appearance. The moment I looked up, I saw bright eyes. It was her! I couldnt help but beam at the sight of my tiny friend, who perched on my shoulder with jasmine in her beak. Your thank-you gift?” I asked in a soft tone while reaching out to receive it. As if understanding my question, she let out a high-pitched squeak and rubbed her head against my jaw. What a miracle!” someone exclaimed JA small act of kindness built a profound bond between human beings and animals. 94 词