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1、21篇英语幽默笑话小故事带生词解释1.The Worlds Greatest Swordsman（n. 剑客, 击剑手）At an exhibition of the worlds best swordsman, the third-place（排名第三的） fencer（n.剑客，击剑者）took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc（n.弧） of his sword（n.剑，刀） he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced（s
2、lice n.薄片vt.削） a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the worlds greatest swordsman. His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile. Why are you so happy?
3、 someone yelled. You missed! Ah, replied the swordsman, you werent watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father. stage n.舞台 take the world stage登上舞台exhibition n.展览(会)release vt. n.释(排)放；放开hush v.(使)安静下来 n.安静，寂静anticipation n.预期；预料 in anticipation of 期待着blade n.刀刃，刀片 m
4、ighty a.强大的 insect n.昆虫，虫 aghast a.惊骇的target n.目标，对象，靶子 vt.瞄准 yell vi./ n.号叫，叫喊2.A MistakeAn American, a Scot（ Scotland n.苏格兰） and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. Give me $500 each, he
5、 said, and Ill return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened. Done! said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene. Where are the others? asked a medic. Last I knew, said the American, the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his govern
6、ment should pay. accident ksidnt n.意外遭遇,事故fluster flst vt.使惊慌失措 flustered惊慌失措的saint英音：seint heaven hevnn.天堂Done 口语（成交） instantly instntliad.立即，立刻 scene si:nn.场，地点medic 医生 haggle hglvi.讨价还价argue :gju:vi.争论(吵,辩) government政府3.Pig or Witch（女巫）A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman i
7、s driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells PIG! The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, WITCH(女巫)! They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only
8、 men would listen（要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。）. steep a.陡的narrow a.狭窄(隘)的；lean v.(使)倾斜crash vi.碰撞4.Response Abilityresponse n.回答 ability n.能力，技巧An Ogden（奥格根市）, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didnt constitute gambling, the minister
9、 replied, Its merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity（仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法） Iowa n.衣阿华美国州名minister n.部长，公使，牧师congregation n.集合在一起的群众a member of his congregation一位教友constitute vt.构成 gamble 赌博scientific .科学的determine vt.决定commit vt.犯(错误等)charity n.救济金； p
10、l.慈善团体；宽容Philosopher Bertrand Russell(罗素), asked if he was willing to die for his belief, replied: Of course not. After all, I may be wrong. philosopher n.哲学家willing愿意的belief .信仰5.A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: If a fire broke out in the Louvre(卢浮宫), and if you
11、could only save one painting, which one would you carry out? The winning reply was: The one nearest the exit. organize vt.组织contest n.比赛；辩驳6.Jonesie The Great Lion HunterA small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill th
12、e beast. For several nights the hunter lay（躺） in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide（兽皮）. Draping盖上the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture牧草地，牧场to wait for the lion pasture In the middle of the night, the villag
13、ers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.（ curdle v.使凝结shriek vi.尖叫approach v.靠近groan v.呻吟）What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion? asked the chief. Forg
14、et the damn lion! he howled. Which one of you idiots let the bull loose? howl haulvi.哀号 bull buln.公牛 idiot n.白痴，傻子，笨蛋7.Weather PredictA film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, Tomorrow rain. The next day it rained. A week later, the India
15、n went up to the director and said, Tomorrow storm. The next day there was a hailstorm. This Indian is incredible, said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks. Finally th
16、e director sent for him. I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow, said the director, and Im depending on you. What will the weather be like? The Indian shrugged his shoulders. Dont know, he said. Radio is broken. crew n.全体工作人员 location n.位置，场所；外景拍摄地director 主管，导演 hail n.雹 hailstorm雹暴incredible a.不可信的；不
17、可思议的，惊人的show up 暴露，露面shrug v. n.耸肩8.I Am Acting Like a LadyOne day when womens dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then, with hea
18、d lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed. You there! challenged a thrill voice. Cant you act like a gentleman? Listen, he said, I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady. I Am Acting Like a Lady我要表现得象位女士the FarEast Department Store远东百货公司on
19、 sale减价 dignified a.有尊严的batter v.连续猛击 frantic a.发疯似的he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. 没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。as long as只要 flail vi.敲击plow n.犁 v.犁，耕 thrill n.兴奋v.(使)兴奋a thrill voice尖叫9.A Soldiers Brilliant IdeaMr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a
20、hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that h
21、e had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it. When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, This seat is preserved（保留） for proper load balance（装载平衡）, thank you. Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in
22、 a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in. Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they also read the notice and went on, when th
23、e plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeeded in having the company of the girl during the whole trip. 为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作10.why do you never
24、 phone me?Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went and lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way fro
25、m his mothers village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, There isnt any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week. Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her sons house in Greensea. Th
26、en she said to him, Geoff, why do you never phone me? Geoff laughed. But, Mother, he said, you havent got a phone. No, she answered, I havent, but YOUVE got one!11.My First and My Last When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his p
27、lane do all kinds of tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, Ive travelled in a big plane several times, but Ive never been in a small one, so Ill go. They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of
28、 tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane. Gerogy was very surprised and said, Two trips? Yes, my first and my last, answered Mark. trick trikn
29、.诡计；戏法、特技12.New DiscoveryA hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw an old woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazeme
30、nt, the hillbilly drawled, I should have brought my wife!discovery发现hillbilly hilbilin.乡下人，乡巴佬 for the first time第一次slide slaidv.滑动 elevatoreliveitn.电梯 blink blikvi.眨眼睛 drawl dr:l.慢吞吞地说13.Ill See to the RestA guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the
31、 platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. Come on, miss! he shouted. Shut the door, please! Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye, she called back. You just shut that door, please, called the guard, and Ill see to the rest.be about to打算 signal信号，用信号指示 see to
32、注意，照料attractive a.有吸引力的，引起注意的carriage车厢14.Cant Get OutThis was to be the new blonde flight attendants first overnight trip, so the Captain was showing her the best place for personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as he was preparing the crew for the days flight, he noticed the
33、new flight attendant was missing. Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in he called her to find out what had happened. Crying, she answered the phone and said, Help, I cant get out of the room! What do you mean, you cant get out of the room? the Captain asked. Well I can only find three do
34、ors, she sobbed. One is the bathroom, one is the closet and the other one has a sign on it that says, Do Not Disturb!blonde blnda.金发的 n.金发女子missing 失踪的Since由于 attendant tendntn.服务人员，侍者personnel个人 sob抽泣15.The Ugly DucklingLong ago, in a farmyard many miles away, a Mother Duck sat on her nest. She was
35、 waiting for her eggs to hatch. Each day she proudly looked at them. There were six eggs, which meant six little ducklings to teach to swim. One sunny spring morning, the first egg began to crack（破裂）. Tap, tap, tap, went the duckling inside, trying to get out. Mother Duck watched as the egg cracked
36、open and out popped（.突发砰的响声）16.a fluffy(绒毛的) duckling.One, said Mother Duck proudly(骄傲地). The next day, the second egg hatched（孵出） and out popped another fluffy duckling. Two, said Mother Duck proudly. On the third day, duckling number three hatched. That leaves just three, said Mother Duck. On the
37、fourth and fifth day, ducklings number four and five hatched. That leaves just one, said Mother Duck, as she settled（驻扎） on her nest. Her ducklings gathered（挤）around her. But on the sixth day nothing happened. Nor on the seventh. How strange, said Mother Duck on the seventh day. It should have hatch
38、ed by now. One of the farmyard chickens wandered（散步） by. Oh, she said. Youre still there I thought youd be on the pond by now. Its this last egg, said Mother Duck. It hasnt hatched yet. Let me see, said the chicken. Well no wonder（不奇怪）. It looks like a goose（鹅） egg to me. Youll be here for a long ti
39、me. Oh dear, said Mother Duck. I have my five little ducklings to teach to swim. What shall I do? I cant leave it. Aah well, said the chicken, and she wandered off. The goose heard that one of her eggs was in Mother Ducks nest. Is it true? she asked, as she puffed（pf.喘气）up to the nest. Do you have o
40、ne of my eggs? I think so, said Mother Duck. They both looked in the nest. Huh, said the goose. Thats not mine. It looks more like that absent-minded turkeys egg. As they looked, they suddenly heard the faint （feint微弱的） tapping. The shell was breaking. Well soon see, said the goose. They watched and
41、 waited. Oh, said the goose. Oh, dear, said Mother Duck, as she looked at the sixth duckling. It looked most strange, it was straggly adj. 蔓延的七零八落的) and grey where its brothers and sisters were fluffy（绒毛的） and yellow. It was also bigger than them. It quacked as it saw its mother. Well, if its a turk
42、ey, said the goose, it wont swim. Mother Duck hurried her ducklings to the pond. She waddled（蹒跚） in and listened. Splash! Splish! Splosh! Splash! Splish! She turned and looked. All six ducklings followed her in the water. Oh, well, she said. He can swim. He is definitely not a turkey. The sixth duck
43、ling was very good at swimming, and was soon swimming better than his brothers and sisters. Back at the farmyard, things did not go well for the little duckling. Everyone called him an ugly duckling. The chickens laughed at him, the turkeys chased（追逐） him and the geese hissed at him. Soon even his b
44、rothers and sisters would not talk to him, but when his mother turned away, he was very sad. He decided to leave the farmyard. One sunny morning, he walked out of the farmyard and didnt look back. He wandered away, looking for somewhere new to live. When hed been walking a while he came to a large l
45、ake. There were some ducks swimming on it. He swam up to them. May I stay on this lake? he asked. Of course, said the ducks. Well be moving on soon. Why dont you join us, if youre on your own? Thank you, said the duckling. The duckling stayed on the lake and day by day he grew bigger. One day he loo
46、ked up to see some large white birds flying gracefully（优美地） over the lake. Theyre beautiful, he whispered, and then sighed. I wonder who they are? One day the ducks came to see him. Its autumn, and were going now, they told him, join us if you want to. Some ducks began to fly up to leave, but sudden
47、ly loud bangs were heard. Two of the ducks fell from the sky. Others flew up in fright（惊恐）, and more fell as more bangs were heard. The duckling ran and hid. He found a bush and stayed there until the noise had died down. When it was quiet he sadly left the lake and headed away over the fields. He came to anoth