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1、应用文写作练习之应聘信讲义假定你是李华,你校英语协会招聘志愿者,接待来访的国外中学生。请你写信应聘,内容包括:1 .口语能力;2,相关经验;3.应聘目的。注意:1 .词数80左右;2,可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯。学生习作点评学生习作1Dear Sir or Madam,Im writing to apply for the post of a volunteer which is advertised in the school newspaper. I found this position quite appealing to me and Im well qualified for
2、the job.First, I have a good command of spoken English, contributing to my interaction with foreign friends. Second, I have previous experience about treating exchange students. Besides, I think it an excellent opportunity to broaden my horizons and improve my social sk川s.Id highly appreciates it if
3、 you could give me a chance.Looking forward to your reply.Sincerely yours,Li Hua点评1这是一篇优秀的习作,结构完整,内容丰富,表达连贯。应聘信的各个部分围绕应聘志愿者的话题形 成一个语义群,涵盖了所有要点,完全达到了预期的写作目的。正文开门见山,提出写信目的是应聘英语 协会的志愿者岗位,并提出自己具备当选志愿者的资质,最后提出应聘的目的和期待。看得出,该考生的 审题是仔细的,构思也是严谨的。文章词汇丰富,运用了与主题相关的高级词汇,如apply for, be advertised in, appeal to, b
4、e qualified for, have a good command of, contribute to, my interaction with, broaden horizons, improve skills 等。该考生能非常熟练地运用复合宾语结构,如:“I found this position quite appealing to me”一句中, 分词 appealing to 做宾补;在“I think it an excellent opportunity to broaden my horizons”中,名词 an excellent opportunity 做宾补。Td
5、highly appreciate it if和“I think it an excellent opportunity”两个句子中,形式宾语it的正确使用也反映了该考生扎实的语言功底。该考生还在保证重点内容完整的基础上, 增加了 次重点,如“contributing to my interaction with foreign friends”用 了现在分词 contributing 做伴随状 语,使文章表达方式多样,内容更丰满。很显然,该考生丰富的词汇储备和极强的写作能力保证了写作的 顺利完成。文章使用了有效的连接成分,如first, second, besides等,使得文章显得简洁、自
6、然、流畅,文气 通顺,一气呵成。非常难得的是,该考生恰到好处地使用副词和形容词来修饰相应的动词和名词,如highly appreciate, quite appealing, well qualified, a good command of, previous experience, an excellent opportunity, social skills等,运用自然、恰当,体现了应聘者诚恳的态度和得体的礼仪,使文章增色不少, 足以说明该考生的润色加工能力。总之,这是一篇内容完整、结构多样、词汇丰富、连接流畅、逻辑严密的好作品,语言清新自然,简 洁明了,考生充分展现了极强的语言驾驭能力
7、,可以列入第五档。学生习作2Dear Sir or Madam,On hearing that volunteers are in desperate need for receiving the foreign students, I cant wait to be part of you.Equipped with a brilliant spoken-English, I can surely meet with the requestments. Besides, my great sense of humor also adds to my strength. Overwhelmin
8、g with abundant relevant experience, I am bound to be qualified for the job. Additionally, I can5t let the golden opportunity to practice my spoken-English slip through my fingers.I would appreciate it if you could take my application into favorable consideration. Looking forward to your reply.Yours
9、,Li Hua点评2这是一篇内容完整、行文流畅的习作。该考生审题细致:应聘信覆盖了所有要点,完成了考题规定的 内容。构思也是合理的:“On hearing that volunteers are in desperate need for receiving the foreign students, I cant wait to be part of you.”这样的开头,既交代了应聘背景,又提出了应聘愿望,简洁明了, 开门见山,应聘者迫切的心情和真挚的情感跃然纸上。而结尾部分“I would appreciate it if you could take my application in
10、to favorable consideration”与开头部分的应聘愿望相呼应,表明应聘者对志愿者工作的 强烈愿望,句中would和could的运用,也是应聘者文明素养的体现。考生的写作能力也是很强的,这篇习作中有丰富的句式和表达:“Equipped w让ha brilliant spoken-English, I can surely meet with the requestments.equipped with 表达自己具备的能力,用 surely meet with表示自己符合应聘的条件,句子表达完整,因果关系明晰,传递了明确的信息Besides, my great sense of
11、 humor also adds to my strength”句中,用Besides弓I出次重点,说明自己的应聘优势, 自然而富有感染力,从而使信件内容更充实,也让应聘理由更具说服力。另外,ul canJt let the golden opportunity to practice my spoken English slip through my fingers.” “I am bound to be qualified for the job.”等句都展示了该考生的语言功底。该习作还有一个不能不提的亮点,就是该考生对形容词有恰到好处的运用,该考生的润色加工的水平 可见一斑。in des
12、perate need” “brilliant spoken-English” “my great sense of humor abundant relevant experience ”“the golden opportunity”等等,都可以让我们领略该考生丰富的词汇储备和深厚的语言功底。 同时,上下文连接词besides, add计ionally的使用,看似简单,其实体现了应用文的写作特点,足以将信 件内容自然衔接,顺畅表达。美中不足的是,该习作部分单词的用法有错误:比如requestmerits拼写有误,应为requirements。“a brilliant spoken-Engl
13、ish ”中的 a 是多余的。Overwhelming with abundant relevant experience, I am bound to be qualified for the job”一句中,逻辑主语是I,前面分词结构应该是Overwhelmed w让h。这个 错误可以理解为是该考生为尽力使用复杂结构或较高级词汇所致,这种瑕疵不能掩盖整篇习作的优秀。总之,这是一篇内容完整、语言优美、词汇丰富、文气通畅的好作文,建议给第四档高分。学生习作3Dear teacher,Im Li Hua. Im writing to get the position of volunteer.
14、Here are some reasons.First of all, I have a good command of English and I can speak English frumenty. Whafs more, last summer, I went to America to study English. During this time, I communicate with local people and learned a lot. Thafs why Im confidence about my English.To sum up, I believe I can
15、 do this job well. I would deeply appreciate if you choice me. Thafs all. Tm looking forward your reply.Yours,Li Hua点评3这篇习作基本完成了试题所要求的任务,覆盖了大部分内容要点(写信目的、口语能力及相关经历), 但遗憾的是,该考生在审题时不够细心,遗忘了“应聘目的”这一内容要点,这是一个比较严重的错误。第 一段直接提出写信目的,第二段用first of all, whafs more, during this time, to sum up等过渡词使上下 文自然连接,保证了行文
16、的流畅,信的结尾部分也符合书信的写作习惯。习作的总体框架完整,说明构思 是合理的。该考生也较熟练地运用 了一些词汇,如 have a good command of, communicate with, learn a lot 等。文章补充的次重点如“last summer, I went to America to study English,与主要内容关系密切,起 到了很好的补充作用,使得应聘的理由更加充分。Im wilting to,I went to America to”以及“and learned a lot”这些句子中时态的正确使用,说明该考生对英语时态的理解是到位的,运用是准确
17、的(中间 communicate with的时态用错了)。而动词的时态语态及非谓语形式,正是考生产生问题最多的部分。 所以,该考生是具备一定的写作能力的。该考生显然在尝试使用一些句式,如“Thats why Tm confidence about my English”,表语从句的运用 准确,但其他句式出现了错误。如“I would deeply appreciate if you choice me”一句中,虽然该考生也在 尝试使用修饰词如deeply,但句式出现错误,遗漏了形式宾语it; ,Tm looking forward your reply”一句中, 漏掉了介词tOo文中还出现了部
18、分词性使用方面的错误:Thats why Tm confidence about my English” 句中的 confidence 应为 confident; ”I would deeply appreciate if you choice me”句中的 choice 应为 chooseo另外,该考生还出现了单词拼写的错误,如frulently (fluently) o总体上看,该考生基本完成了考题所规定的写作任务,要点虽有遗漏,但主要内容未受影响。有词汇, 有句式,有连接,基本达到了预期的写作目的,可以进入第三档。学生习作4Dear Sir,Im writing to the posit
19、ion of the volunter to welcome the abroad high school students.I joined many English clubs and had the important position in most of them. I joined a English a speaking contect last year and got the first prize. Tm also very outgoing and like to talk with another students.I hope I will be pround whe
20、n I got your replay.Yours,Li Hua点评4该考生审题的第一步是到位的,所以该习作的结构是完整的,有称呼和签名,也有正文和结尾。信的 开始表明写信的意图,正文部分主要提及自己的英语水平和口语能力,结尾部分提出愿望,说明该考生下 笔之前是进行过构思的。但是审题显然出了问题:遗漏了“应聘目的”,“相关经历”交代得也不是很清晰。 写作的环节出现的问题就更多了。信的开头句Im writing to the position of the volunter to welcome the abroad high school students,写信的对象和应聘的职位错位,影响交际
21、,abroad是副词,不能用来修饰 名词,应该用 foreigno 正文部分“I joined many English clubs and had the important position in most of them”,内容不符合生活常理,至少在合理性上值得推敲。文中有较多的拼写错误(如 volunter 应为 volunteer, contect 应为 contest, pround 应为 proud, replay 应为 reply)和语法错误(如“joined a English a speaking contect”应为“joined in an English speaki
22、ng contest”等),这些都影响了意义的表达。总之,该考生没有适当完成试题所要求的写作任务,内容不齐全,词汇有限,句式单一,上下文缺乏 连接,并出现较多的语法和拼写错误,未能清晰地传递信息。该习作只能进入第二档。学生习作5Dear Sir:My nemes Li hua. We can school people very and very like english. We and your making English. Wellcome to China school. We remember your friend. I suggest that the next time stu
23、dy English.If you are not going to suffer this problem. Thank your come to China study English and make china fried.Yours Li hua点评5从审题的角度看,该生是有过考虑的,信件有称呼,也有落款(尽管有错误)。但这也是该生完成的 仅有的考题规定任务,除此之外,信件既没有提出应聘要求,也没有应聘理由的呈现,明显遗漏考题的要 点,足以说明该生审题这一步基本没有做到,所以文章的构思无从谈起,最终也就无法进行正确写作,更 谈不上修饰和润色了。正因为如此,呈现出来的是这样一篇结构混乱
24、、词汇贫乏、句式错误、缺乏连贯的 习作。从习作看,该生的语言基础和语言表达能力都是非常有限的,常用词的拼写错误,如nemes(names), Wellcome (welcome) , fried (friend) , Yours (Yours),及常用词的大小写,如 Li hua, china, english 等等都说明了该生的水平和能力。另外,称呼语之后冒号的使用也不符合英语表达的习惯。最重要的是, 习作中基本没有成形的句子和完整的表达,所写的句子也不能传递有效信息。总之,这一篇习作词不达意, 句法问题很多,语法和拼写都存在较多错误,要点有遗漏,没能完成试题规定的写作任务,只能进入第一 档。