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1、Continuation Writing The Rainy-Day Picnic讲评老师：浙江省衢州第二中学 黄纤我这篇文章究竟能拿几分？第五档（2125）与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接合理。内容丰富，应用了5个以上短文中标出的关键词语。所使用语法结构和词汇丰富、准确，可能有些许错误，但完全不会影响意义表达。有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑。第四档（1620）与所给短文融洽度较高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接较为合理。内容比较丰富，应用了5个以上短文中标出的关键词语。所使用语法结构和词汇较为丰富、准确，可能有些许错误，但不会影响意义表达。比较有效地使用了语句间的连
2、接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑。第三档（1115）与所给短文关系较为密切，与所提供各段落开头语有一定程度的衔接。写出了若干有关内容，应用了4个以上短文中标出的关键词语。应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求，虽有一些错误，但不影响意义表达。应用简单的语句间连接成分，使全文内容连贯。第二档（610）与所给短文有一定的关系，与所提供各段落开头语有一定程度的衔接。写出了一些有关内容，应用了3个以上短文中标出的关键词语。语法结构单调，词汇项目有限，有些语法结构和词汇方面的错误，影响了意义的表达。较少使用语句间的连接成分，全文内容缺少内容连贯。读后续写评分标准 After putting on his ye
3、llow boots and rain coat,he followed his father into the rain.As they walked,they talked about the basketball game at school last week.Father praised Adams excellent performance.Although the sky was still full of dark clouds,Adam was happy.Listening to the rain and chatting about interesting things,
4、Adam thought it would be good to go out like this on a rainy day.When they came back in,wet and happy,Adams mother said she had a surprise for them.Following his mother,they came to the garden.Although it was raining,the space under the grapevine was dry.Mom has made a mat full of Adams favorite sna
5、cks.“Lets start the picnic,”mom said with a smile.This was really a piece of good news.The Rainy-Day Picnic It was Saturday,and Adam was wide awake.The house was quiet,so he knew his parents were still sleeping.His mother had promised that they would go on a picnic in the park today.He had been look
6、ing forward to it all week.They would have yummy food to eat at the picnic.They would play catch and maybe fly a kite if the wind was strong.Adam thought maybe he should wake his parents up now.However,it still looked dark outside.Usually by now the sun was shining through the windows.Maybe it was c
7、loudy,Adam thought.He went to his parents room and climbed onto their bed.“Hello!”said Adam,cheerfully.“Its time to get up!”His mother yawned,rubbing her eyes.“Hi,”he whispered.“Its too early.Lets go back to sleep.”“But its morning.And you promised a picnic today!“Ugh,”said Mother.“I nearly forget i
8、t.Okay,lets get up.”The small boy followed her downstairs.His mother went to the glass door that led to the backyard.“Its raining!”She turned to her son.“Adam,its raining.We cant go on a picnic today.”Adams lip began to shake.His eyes got misty.He sat down on the floor and held his chin(下巴)in his ha
9、nds.This was not the news he wanted to hear.“Im sorry,”said his mother.“Lets get some snacks and watch some cartoons for a while.”They sat together on the couch.They snuggled(依偎)，and it was cozy.Half an hour later,his father listened to the bad news about the rain and the picnic.“Hmm,”he said.“Rain
10、might spoil a picnic in the park,but it can also be fun sometimes.”He finished his coffee and asked Adam to go find his raincoat and rubber boots.“Lets go for a walk.”settingcharacterplottheme0 900028 7 6 5 4 3 2 151004 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 03 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 02 1 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
11、1 0 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 00HoursMinutesSeconds计时器 Adams lip began to shake.His eyes got misty.He sat down on the floor and held his chin(下巴)in his hands.This was not the news he wanted to hear.“Im sorry,”said his mother.“Lets get some snacks and watch some cartoons for a while.”They sat together on the
12、 couch.They snuggled(依偎)，and it was cozy.Half an hour later,his father listened to the bad news about the rain and the picnic.“Hmm,”he said.“Rain might spoil a picnic in the park,but it can also be fun sometimes.”He finished his coffee and asked Adam to go find his raincoat and rubber boots.“Lets go
13、 for a walk.”settingcharacterplotthemea rainy day,at homeAdam(son),mother,father A rain stopped Adams family from having a picnic,but they managed to have one and enjoyed themselves in the rainy day.the warmth of a loving family It was Saturday,and Adam was wide awake.The house was quiet,so he knew
14、his parents were still sleeping.His mother had promised that they would go on a picnic in the park today.He had been looking forward to it all week.They would have yummy food to eat at the picnic.They would play catch and maybe fly a kite if the wind was strong.Adam thought maybe he should wake his
15、parents up now.However,it still looked dark outside.Usually by now the sun was shining through the windows.Maybe it was cloudy,Adam thought.He went to his parents room and climbed onto their bed.“Hello!”said Adam,cheerfully.“Its time to get up!”His mother yawned,rubbing her eyes.“Hi,”he whispered.“I
16、ts too early.Lets go back to sleep.”“But its morning.And you promised a picnic today!“Ugh,”said Mother.“I nearly forget it.Okay,lets get up.”The small boy followed her downstairs.His mother went to the glass door that led to the backyard.“Its raining!”She turned to her son.“Adam,its raining.We cant
17、go on a picnic today.”Adams lip began to shake.His eyes got misty.He sat down on the floor and held his chin(下巴)in his hands.This was not the news he wanted to hear.“Im sorry,”said his mother.“Lets get some snacks and watch some cartoons for a while.”They sat together on the couch.They snuggled(依偎)，
18、and it was cozy.Half an hour later,his father listened to the bad news about the rain and the picnic.“Hmm,”he said.“Rain might spoil a picnic in the park,but it can also be fun sometimes.”He finished his coffee and asked Adam to go find his raincoat and rubber boots.“Lets go for a walk.”副词、形容词的准确、丰富
19、使用排比句式的运用体现Adam对野餐的期待一系列神态描写和动作链短句体现Adam的失望情绪 After putting on his yellow boots and rain coat,he followed his father into the rain.As they walked,they talked about the basketball game at school last week.Father praised Adams excellent performance.Although the sky was still full of dark clouds,Adam w
20、as happy.Listening to the rain and chatting about interesting things,Adam thought it would be good to go out like this on a rainy day.When they came back in,wet and happy,Adams mother said she had a surprise for them.Following his mother,they came to the garden.Although it was raining,the space unde
21、r the grapevine was dry.Mom has made a mat full of Adams favorite snacks.“Lets start the picnic,”mom said with a smile.This was really a piece of good news.第三档第三档 1515我如何才能得到更高的分数？原句：As they walked,they talked about the basketball game at school last week.Father praised Adams excellent performance.雨
22、中活动：puddle-jumping,rain race,observing earthworms.修改：Excited and curious,Adam jumped in the puddles,felt the splashes on his legs and floated fallen leaves in it.“There are so many things to do in the rain,”said his dad merrily.“Watch me!”And his father started jumping excitedly over the muddy puddl
23、es in the driveway.Dad called him over to the edge of the lawn.He showed Adam how the earthworms were coming out of the grass.Adam looked closely and saw them wiggling and moving around.There were so many!Next,they lifted their heads back and tried to catch the raindrops as they fell into their mout
24、hs.“They taste sweet,like popsicles,”said Adam.副词、形容词的准确、丰富使用一系列心理描写和动作链短句体现Adam的兴奋情绪原句：Although the sky was still full of dark clouds,Adam was happy.修改：Althoug the sky was as dark as the inside of an ink bottle,Adam roared with laughter and his eyes glistened with excitement.Smiles are dancing in h
25、is eyes.His eyes danced with joy and happiness.原句：Listening to the rain and chatting about interesting things,Adam thought it would be good to go out like this on a rainy day.修改：“Its so cool!”yelled the little boy.They laughed,chatting and sharing the meaningful things and walked home unwillingly at
26、 length.原句：Mom has made a mat full of Adams favorite snacks.修改：She had spread out a blanket on the floor by the fireplace.There were plates filled with Adams favorite peanut butter and banana sandwiches without the crust.There was chocolate milk in tall glasses with straws.He saw crunchy carrots and
27、 apple slices.There were marshmallows and hot dogs on sticks for roasting.排比句式的运用体现野餐的美味 Having hearing what the Messengers shared,the folks came to understand that it was the kindness that kept the fire burning even brighter than before.Never had I anticipated that a random act of kindness would in
28、ject such great power into others and change their life.Dotted with glittering stars,the sky,midnight blue,gave the scene a fairytale quality.Their sound of laughter and singing mingled in the crisp air,expressing the pleasure of life.And slowly,almost reluctantly,she placed her arm with apparently
29、unaccustomed affection around her mothers shoulders and gently guided her back into the deluge.Speechless and happy,she held her son tightly into her arms,with tears welling up in her eyes.原句：This was really a piece of good news.主题升华式结尾【强调句/部分倒装/主语从句】写景画面结尾动作定格画面结尾 It was thanks to his mother and fa
30、ther that Adam could experience such a wonderful picnic!Never had Adam experienced a better picnic before!Only with his parents could he own a colorful childhood!Their sound of laughter and singing mingled in the crisp air,expressing the pleasure of life.The rain drummed on the window,bidding farewe
31、ll to this unforgettable Saturday.Talking and laughing,they cuddled together with smiles shining on their faces.Under the grapevine,they seemed to enjoy the rhythmic raindrops happily.原句：This was really a piece of good news.主题升华式结尾【强调句/部分倒装/主语从句】写景画面结尾动作定格画面结尾Sample version:After putting on his yell
32、ow boots and rain coat,he followed his father into the rain.The rain was still coming down.“There are so many things to do in the rain,”said his dad merrily.“Watch me!”And his father started jumping excitedly over the muddy puddles in the driveway.Adam jumped too,but he jumped into the puddles,splas
33、hing water everywhere,including on Dad.Next,they lifted their heads back and tried to catch the raindrops as they fell into their mouths.“They taste sweet,like popsicles,”said Adam.They laughed,playing and sharing the meaningful things and walked home unwillingly at length.When they came back in,wet
34、 and happy,Adams mother said she had a surprise for them.She asked them to go into the family room.She had spread out a blanket on the floor by the fireplace.There were plates filled with Adams favorite peanut butter and banana sandwiches without the crust.There was chocolate milk in tall glasses wi
35、th straws.He saw crunchy carrots and apple slices.There were marshmallows and hot dogs on sticks for roasting.“Mmm,”said Dad when he saw the room.“Look what your Mom did!Come and sit,Adam.Whos hungry?”Adam and his parents sat down with their legs crossed on the soft blanket and enjoyed the feast.Nev
36、er had Adam experienced a happier picnic before!Review我的文章能有几分？评分标准：1.与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接程度；2.内容的丰富性和对所标出关键词语的应用情况；3.应用语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性；4.上下文的连贯性。我的文章分数如何更高？1.副词、形容词的准确、丰富使用2.排比句式的运用3.心理描写和动作链短句4.多彩的结尾句【主题升华式/写景画面式/动作定格式】Improving by 1 percent isnt particularly notable-sometimes it isnt even noticeable-bu
37、t it can be far more meaningful,especially in the long run.The difference a tiny improvement can make over time is astounding.Heres how the math works out:if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year,youll end up thirty-seven times better by the time youre done.Conversely,if you get 1 percent worse each day for one year,youll decline nearly down to zero.What starts as a small win or a minor setback accumulates into something much more.Assignment1.给你自己和同学的文章打分，并给出具体的打分理由；2.修改润色自己的文章，使其内容更加丰富，语言更加精准；3.整理分类文本中的语言到自己的语料库中并加强记忆。