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1、 1010月月 6 6日日 月月 考考 作文讲评作文讲评作文讲评作文讲评情景作文（2010届东城一模）假设你是李华，光明中学的学生。国庆期间你参加了社区居委会组织的社区服务活动。请你按照图片顺序，以“Community Service”为题，向学校英文校刊投稿，介绍这次活动情况。注意：1文章开头已为你写好 2词数不少于60 3参考词汇：sports facilities体育设施国庆快乐审题一、审文字一、审文字文体：文体：记叙文记叙文结构：结构：第一段：背景已给第一段：背景已给 第二段：叙述完整的活动过程第二段：叙述完整的活动过程 第三段：抒发感受、感想等第三段：抒发感受、感想等时态：时态：叙事
2、：一般过去时叙事：一般过去时 感想：一般现在时感想：一般现在时人称：人称：I/we 标题：标题：Community Service提示词：提示词：sports facilities图图片要点片要点必要必要细节细节添加添加细节细节P1：慰慰问问孤寡老人孤寡老人看望孤寡老人看望孤寡老人和老人聊天和老人聊天打打扫扫老人房老人房间间（扫扫地、地、擦擦门门窗桌椅）窗桌椅）室内明窗几静室内明窗几静老人很欣慰老人很欣慰P2：清清洁洁健身器材健身器材小区健身中心小区健身中心清清洁洁健身器材健身器材不怕不怕脏脏和累，尽和累，尽管疲管疲劳劳但很开但很开心心P3：捡捡拾社区垃圾拾社区垃圾大家分散大家分散捡捡拾在路上
3、拾在路上和草地里拾垃圾和草地里拾垃圾环环境境焕焕然一新然一新做社区的主人做社区的主人环环保意保意识识提高提高P4：扮扮靓靓社区社区挂挂“国国庆庆快快乐乐”横幅横幅装扮宣装扮宣传传橱窗，橱窗，张贴张贴祝福祝福标语标语等等节节日祝福日祝福活活动圆满结动圆满结束束得到得到锻炼锻炼特别提醒特别提醒1、12分以下：分以下：少感受，结构不完整叙事段时态错误（一般现在时）少必要细节。如图1：孤寡老人、打扫卫生应具体到一项 图4：横幅“国庆快乐”等2、分黑色签字笔扣、分黑色签字笔扣5分分3、没有自然分段扣、没有自然分段扣2分分4、字数不够、字数不够或超出指定范围视情况而定扣分 Sample：Community
4、 Service During the winter vacation,the students in our class joined in a meaningful activity in which all of us did our bit for the community.First we went to visit an old lady who lived all alone.While we were in her home,one of us chatted with her and the rest helped do a thorough cleaning.We swe
5、pt the floor and dusted the table.When the work was done,the house looked really neat and tidy then we went to the sports center,where different sports facilities needed polishing.We set out to work at once.In no time everything was dust-free.To make the environment clean,we also picked up the litte
6、r on the grass and along the paths.To celebrate the National Day,we put up decorations on the billboard and a poster with the characters Happy National Day on it.Having done all these,we saw a more pleasant community.Tired as we were,we felt happy as all of our work paid off.写作技巧（结构）写作技巧（结构）自然分段叙事顺序
7、：以时间为顺序：On the first day,on the second day,on the third/fourth day,In the morning,later on,after lunch,.,in the afternoon,以活动为顺序：First,then.,afterward,finally To start with,then,.,in the end,写作技巧（图片）写作技巧（图片）P1:注意：注意：人物代表性：人物代表性：老奶奶-社区老人（无人照顾）学生-社区学生,包括I（不点名道姓）活动表达：活动表达：onethe rest/somewhile others G
8、irls.while boys such as cleaning the floor,wiping the windows and sweeping the floor.did,did,and did Not only did we clean,but we also chatted with the old.写作技巧（图片）写作技巧（图片）P2/3:用词准确用词准确健身中心：健身中心：sports center/exercise center training center/the square where people do exercise清洁健身器材：清洁健身器材：clean/clea
9、n up/clear up/givea through cleaning(wash不太准确)捡拾垃圾：捡拾垃圾：pick up the litter/garbage/trash/wastes/rubbish草地上：草地上：on the grass/lawn写作技巧（图片）写作技巧（图片）P4:细节表达细节表达装扮：装扮：decorate/redecorate the community挂挂“国庆快乐国庆快乐”横幅：横幅：put up a banner/poster/flagwith a slogan“Happy National Day”on it布置橱窗：布置橱窗：renew/decorat
10、e the bulletin board with greetings/DIY signs/pictures/paintings -难忘的经历；责任感增强，服务意识难忘的经历；责任感增强，服务意识/社区意社区意识增强；能力得到锻炼等）识增强；能力得到锻炼等）个人收获：个人收获：-After a whole day of work,my body was washed out,but my heart was filled with satisfaction.It gave me a big relief that I could do something for our city.-This
11、unforgettable volunteer work not only brings me great pride and happiness but also inspires me that helping others is kind of things full of enjoyment.写作技巧（感受）写作技巧（感受）活动启发：活动启发：-Our service is not only for our community,but also a small gift to our country.-All for one；one for all.Should we devote o
12、urselves to volunteer work to make the world a better place for others as well as for us ourselves?-We were all in high spirits that day;we gained not only enjoyment but also a message from the community service that the harmony of our community needs everyones effort.写作技巧（感受）写作技巧（感受）lonely/alonethe
13、 old/seniorsdo some cleaning/sweeping/wipingto ones surpriseheart-heartilyon the grass/lawnat the end/by the end/in the endon the first dayhang-hanged/hung-hanged/hungtake-took taken；throw-threw-throwncatch-caught-caught；last-last-lastlie-lay-lainsociety/nature/the environment/government写作技巧（语言）写作技巧
14、（语言）Early in the morning,we gathered together and visited the old peoples houses to do through clean-ups.Some of us chatted with granny while others swept the table,the floor and the window.Then we went outside to clean the sports facilities in our communitys park.Though the work was tough,we did it
15、 in high spirits as we cleaned up all the dirt on the facilities.In the afternoon,we went to the lawn and picked up all the litter and garbage on the grass.We picked them up in plastic bags and threw them into the nearby garbage cans.As the day came to an end,we put up decorations on the bulletin bo
16、ard and hung up big posters with the wish“Happy National Day”on them.I was proud of myself for taking part in the community service.I gained much pleasure from volunteering and helping others.高三高三1班班 王安艺王安艺 Community Service During the National Holidays,.On the first day of the holiday,I gathered a
17、few of my classmates,visited an old granny who lived alone and did a thorough cleaning in her house.Some cleaned the doors and tables;some swept the floor,while I made a cup of hot tea and chatted with her happily.And we plastered a big poster with a Chinese character“Fu”on the wall,wishing her a wo
18、nderful holiday.On the next day,we cleaned the whole set of sports facilities in our community and we were cheerful to see it became brand new.In the afternoon,we had all the garbage picked up in the garden.Once collecting in the plastic bag,we threw them into a dustbin.Finally,on the last day,we re
19、decorated the whole community,putting up posters with“Happy National Day”on them,delivering the best wishes to all our neighbors.Exhausted but delighted,I spent such a meaningful holiday by devoting myself to the voluntary work.I found it truly worthwhile and determined to do so in the coming winter
20、 holidays.During the National Holidays,.In the morning,we visited the home of an old lady to keep her company.The girls chatted with her cheerfully,while the boys swept the floor and wiped the furniture.Then we gathered at the exercise center and took out rags and buckets to give the sport facilitie
21、s a thorough cleaning.The work was tiring,no doubt,but also satisfying once we saw the equipments shining like brand-new again.After a quick lunch,we spread out to pick up the litter strewn over the lawns,remembering to sort out the recyclable,of course!Finally,we put up pictures and wrote down holi
22、day greetings on the notice board as to brighten up the community.We even made a large banner wishing everyone a happy National Day!I think we all learned to give back to our community and help make it a nicer place to live in.It has certainly been a memorable activity.高三理高三理7班麦程恩班麦程恩 Community Serv
23、ice During the National Holidays,To start with,we dropped in on an old lady,who lived alone,helping her clean up her house,as well as chatting with her in order to make her happy.After that,we devoted ourselves to cleaning the sport facilities in the community.Having finished it,we noticed that some
24、 rubbish spread out in the garden nearby,which entirely ruined the beauty of the community.So we headed to pick them up without hesitation.To make this activity more meaningful,we came up with an idea to decorate the community,putting up a banner with“Happy National Day”.Tired as we were,we were all satisfied with our job.What a sense of accomplishment did I gain from this activity!