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1、以句群微写作促读后续写一、续写问题调查1 .问题现状.问题前测2 .拟解决问题二、句群分析与仿写1 .单句群分析与仿写句群结构分析，语言点分析，仿写2 .多重句群分析与仿写句群结构分析，语言点分析，（侧重故事开展仿写）3 .故事仿写总结归纳三、同伴评读1 .按评分标准判读按评分标准及13大问题互批2 .提供经验.总结教训四、教学检测L后测续写问题3 .对照前后测续写问题五、结语与反思1 .出现的问题.后续工作(Paragraph2： He woke up two days later. He immediately touched his neck. The swelling area tha
2、t hade been stung by the wasp had subsided, and he no longer felt pain. He screamed excitedly :Im OK. Then the doctor came over and said with a smile. Congratulations on your winning the struggle with the wasp. Then Mrs. Carey came to him and asked him if he was better. Richard Alien nodded :much be
3、tter. Thanks to the doctor, he said that he pointed to the person beside him. And thanked the doctor sincerely before leaving/)第 4 行出现的关键词即 Mrs. Carey came to him and asked him if he was better. Richard Allen nodded： Much better.”(力口 了 弓【号)Thanks to the doctor, he said that he pointed to the person
4、beside him. And thanked the doctor sincerely before leaving.这 局部内容介绍Allen苏醒之后另外一个人物Mrs. Carey,这是一个新的句群，但 前后不连贯。她的出现没有足够的铺垫，“为什么她会出现这里，她怎么知道Allen 现在这家诊所里接受治疗？ ”同样，接下来的描写也让人不知所云。二、记叙文句群分析.分析思路和内容逻辑结构、内容与话题记叙文主要讲述人、事件及其开展，句群丰富多样。逻辑上最大的特点是行 文按照某条线索向前开展，包括时间、地点、人物心情等开展。行文条理可寻可 探，一般都围绕六大要素(who,where,when,
5、what,why,how)展开。事物之间相互 联系，一件事的发生离不开它的背景和环境即事境，同时对外在产生影响，引发 人(动物)的反响如情感波动、心理活动和行动改变；同时也可能触发一系列新的 事件。也有的记叙文叙议结合，叙事中对呈现个人观点和评价。简言之，记叙文 句群结构一般表现为事境+事件+影响即event+surroundings+effects (opinions).John Snow was a famous doctor in London - so expert, indeed, that he attended Queen Victoria as her personal phy
6、sician.But he became inspired when he thought about helping ordinary people exposed to cholera.This was the deadly disease of its day. Neither its cause nor its cure was understood. So many thousands of terrified people died every time there was an outbreak.John Snow wanted to face the challenge and
7、 solve this problem.He knew that cholera would never be controlled until its cause was found.上文分为5个句群。介绍人物(who)和其事境(surroundings),点题(what) 及对John的影响(effect/emotion),属于过渡句。是引发这次事件的关键事物 (what)霍乱病毒的介绍，是由事件触发的另一件新事件(new event)。霍乱病毒爆发对John的影响(effect/action),即采取治疗行动。是表达个 人对控制霍乱的评议(opinion)John认为控制霍乱必须要找到病
8、毒的源头， 属于支撑句的细节。简言之，本文按照人、事情、问题解决这个逻辑关 系开展，如下列图所示：- t 记叙文句群逻辑分析实质在于把握文体特点，构建稳定严谨的叙事图式，有利于 增强叙事逻辑的连贯性和合理性Activity 5: Example 3 (记叙文体)But how could the survivors believe it was natural? Everywhere they looked nearly everything was destroyed. All of the citys hospitals,75%of its factories and buildings
9、and 90% of its homes were gone. Bricks covered the ground like red autumn leaves. No wind, however ,could blow them away .Two dams fell and most of the bridges also fell or were not safe for travelling. The railway tracks were now useless pieces of steel. Tens of thousands of cows would never give m
10、ilk again. Half a million pigs and millions of chickens were dead. Sand now filled the wells instead of water.People were shocked. They began to wonder how long the disaster would last.(选自人教版高中英语必修1第4单元第3段，有删减)本段分3个句群。句引入话题，属过渡成分；说明灾难的破坏力。 Everywhere they looked nearly everything was destroyed,属主题句，
11、其后 8 个句子 属支撑句，描写地震的场景；亦是一个单独句群，讲述灾难对人的影响；属于 情感和心理活动描写。三个句群独立，又向前开展。如下列图所示：一Activity 6: Exercise 3请在读后选择恰当的句群（记叙文体）Strange things were happening in the countryside of northeast Hebei.For three days the water in the village wells rose and fell, rose and fell. Farmers noticed that the well walls had de
12、ep cracks in them. A smelly gas came out of the cracks. （3）In the farmyards, the chickens and even the pigs were too nervous to eat. Mice ran out of the fields looking for places to hide. Fish jumped out of their bowls and ponds. However, people thought little of this and slept as usual.A.B.C.D.学习语言
13、表达动词，形容词使用常用句式使用1 .学习各种描写三、故事仿写（冲刺卷三第1段）.仿句群结构1 .仿角度和内容.仿语言先解释再仿写，仿写后再解释？It was time when.It was 7 a.m.when we went to the canteen for breakfast.At 7 a.m.,we went to the canteen for breakfast.（比拟）rd just hade closed my book when I heard a glass .词句表达四、同伴评读1 .按评分标准判读内容、关键词、词汇语法问题2 .提供经验.总结教训（需要后测么？测语
14、言错误数量？平均分，男生、女生）Activity 7: Reading and writing (t己叙文体)语言输入与输出要紧密结合，这是当前英语改革的核心思想。下文笔者在 引导句群分析之后，要求学生按照某一种行文逻辑仿写。He woke up two days later. Allen looked around and found him in the hospital.(2) Now he still felt very weak and his tongue thick but no pain.The door opened and in came a nurse. She bent
15、 down and examined his wound caused by wasps carefully. “You are very lucky and make it to survive after so severe bites J she said. Thank you ；he smiled. (5)Suddenly he remembered what had happened few days ago. Mrs Carey carried heavy grocery bags in to the room and closed the door swiftly and he
16、jumped in to the mini-bus when a cloud of wasps flew upon him.Now he was in hospital but it was worthwhile to help his passenger in need. He believed he was able to drive his mini-bus for his large family soon.以上是读后续写一段文字。从记叙文描写角度分析，上文可分为6个句群。 其事件描写，感受描写动作描写对话描写场景描写心理活动描写。 整个故事逻辑清晰，按照人在事境中开展及影响这条线索展
17、开，容易模仿。下文 是一篇学生的仿写习作，前后按照事件、情感、事件三种描写顺序展开。(He woke up two days later. Allen saw his family sitting by his hospital bed. His wife cried, uWhy is that?” Allen said he (had) tried to save Mrs. Carey. The family were moved by his action. When the doctor saw him awake.)记叙文句群逻辑分析有利于读者把握行文线索，快速理解故事情节，同时也可
18、以提高写作效率。有时难免机械刻板，仿佛机器人写作。由于提前设计的“构思” (计算机上叫“算法”)，目前人工智能也能创造出小说，且速度明显高于人类， 但刻画到位和情感充分方面远远不够。在严谨的训练之后，笔者一再强调逻辑思 维的严谨和条理，同时也重视感性思维的灵活和丰富。再看一篇学生的作文。_加w /川论法I通腔示的盼2的优攸仁怅 胸脑: 七卸明 .修/ 施.例.wtot他由 /叔心w% At%明:face .板 手用版“饱A疝，and辰 山多 例 以版even二/joe比加I srjed /儿加8d仅小做ed 内你加 叶Me扣吃帛 超她L 上也比我的俯5%比.先 向e侦m班，燃的 历吹丁M毯仪,
19、B山在 丁端while e册捌出 加 好女 血的拼e禽枷. (An hour later, Vishal succeeded in finding Anunay .We hugged him tightly wild with joy. What made us concerned was that his face was covered with bust and he was in rags even lost a shoe. Vishal carried him and we followed marks out of the forest. As the wind was dead
20、against us, the smog disappeared. Anuany finally regained consciousness soon. At the moment, tears blurred our eyes. It was a worthwhile experience for us to de叩en our friendship.)(局部用词不准确)本文叙事清晰，先 后按照动作描写、人物描写、动作描写、场景描写及情感描写展开。内容丰富， 条理清晰，人物刻画入微，如Vishal的脸部和鞋子描写，生动反映了在森林里迷 路后的不幸遭遇。（以下为论文草稿：开头局部已写）一、读
21、后续写问题（按出现频率排列）序号类型主要问题1时态错误一般时与过去式不分2用词错误动词形式、搭配和用法不当；名词单复数不分3句式单调主谓宾简单句太多4拼写错误形近词不分；长单词少字母;同音词拼写混淆5复杂句式错用定语从句错用；名词性从句错用6语言贫乏重复词汇句型有限，经常重复7表达不清意义不完整，不明确8内容有限故事开展太少，重要名田节描写太少，字数缺乏9表达不连贯句子不连贯；段落不连贯10内容不融洽与原文情节，人物特点一致性差11情节离奇所续写情节超越文本和常识12对话太多对话描写占三分之一篇幅以上13观点不合理观点不恰当；不符合常识；偏激还有其它问题如书写混乱，标点错误，人物名称混淆等。读
22、后续写问题：168910 11 12写作共性问题：2345713拟解决问题：12678 9 10 11 12跟踪研究：跟踪1月，2月，6个月，1年抽样前测测 试 对 象 编 号时 态 错 误 量用 词 错 误 量复 杂 句 式 量拼 写 错 误 量复 杂 句 错 误 量语重 复 量表 达 不 清 量发 展 不 足 量内 容 不 连 毋 贝 量内 容 不 融 洽 量情 节 离 奇 量对 话 次 数不理观占八、量122212342342211056789101112131415161718192020年5月20日期中考试前测1.2.3.4.5.6.孙筱翔 赵诱慧 孙琬婷 李思齐 贺千词 阮靖予 王
23、乐舟 缪诗雨 李家怡 乐洁妮 李璇 施瑜萱二、句群分析与仿写以往写作研究强调从单句写起，为此人教版练习册编了一定量的单句翻译题，引 导学生根据提示翻译与本单元语言点相关的句子。但单句的语篇范围缺乏，时态, 连贯性，语言丰富性等问题很难表达，写好单句缺乏以写好整篇文章。而句群作 为一个相对完整的语言单位,有较充足的语篇环境,写作量小且可弥补以上问题。 1.单句群教学片段IJohn Snow was a famous doctor in Londonso expert, indeed, that he attendedQueen Victoria as her personal physician
24、.句群关系分析：以上实为两个句子构成的一个句群。句1为破折号前一句，人物a doctor called John Snow；句 2 为后一句，具体介绍他的身份 Queen Victorias personal physiciano 两句话核心关联词为expert,正因为他的专业能力，才让他成为女王御用医生。语言点分析：1)时态：描述过去的人物，用过去式，谓语动词为was, attended2)重要词汇：as可作介词，“作为”；亦可为连词“因为；当时；尽管；按照”，文中意指“作 为二 同义词汇 doctor, physician。Docotor一般医生的统称。Physician 中的 phys(
25、=physi)与身体physical有关，-ician精通者，专家、能手或从事某种职业的。 显然用physician更能显明John的专业水平，且防止重复doctoro类似词汇还有 musician音乐人；magician魔术师；politician政治家等。3)句型:连词so.that表示“如此至于” so后面接形容词或副词，此处的expert 为形容词，义为“熟练的；专业的；that后面要接完整的句子，主语是代词he； 与so that(以便，为了不同)。谓语动词为attended,义为“护理；照顾；出席； 参加”，文中意指“护理”。教师引导与学生翻译袁隆平是中国著名的农业工作者一一确实，
26、他如此的专业以至于成为全世界 杂交水稻的科学家。(hybrid rice)按照要求完成填空和翻译1 .时态。袁隆平目前尚在人世，应该用(一般时)。2 .可以用(so.that)句型，“so expert that he”也可以用“(such) an expert one that he.v. 同义词汇 和(agricultural worker, scientist)翻译Yuan Longping is a Chinese famous agricultural workerindeed so expert that hebecomes a hybrid rice scientist in t
27、he world.单句群教学片段2Cholera was the deadly disease of its day. Neither its cause nor its cure was understood.1)时态：its day意为“那个时代”表示过去的事情，应用一般过去式。2）重要词汇:句1介绍cholera是“deadly”，句2用“cause and cure”不被理解进一步支撑。两句关系紧密，而且用its指代of cholera可防止用词重复。只是原文its重复有 点多。deadly 致命的，导致死亡”不同于“dead（死亡的），名词形式为death 3）句型：neithern
28、or义为“既不也不表示否认含义，谓语动词用单数翻译林巧稚是那个时代伟大的医生。她不在乎名声，也不在乎金钱。她是那样的富有 爱心，以至于很多孩子称之为“妈妈”。（fame/reputation）时态：可用句型：译文：仿写(括号里为必有关键词)Nelson Mandela was a greatHe(fame/money)(prisoners/poor people)多重句群分析与仿写设计意图：在操练语言基础上，培养故事开展能力教学片段IMy sister has one serious shortcoming. She can be really stubborn. Although she d
29、idnt know the bike trip well, she insisted that she organize the trip properly .When I told her that the source of the Mekong is in Qinghai Province. She gave me a determined look-the kind that said she would not change her mind. When I told her the air would be hard to breathe and it would be very
30、cold, she said it would be an interesting experience. Once she has made up her mind, nothing can change it.句群关系分析：本段分为3个句群。句群包括前两句，属于主题，第2句支撑第1句。 “Stubborn”是“shortcoming”的具体表现。句群包含3个句子，举例详细说明My sister顽固的特点。句群是人物性格的归纳总结，照应段首，其实是第 的同义转述，也可算作一个句群。纵观全文句群结构为人物个性介绍+举例说 明+归纳总结，见下列图：1 .stubbornness 2.exampl
31、e 3. stubbornness细看句群，两个并列句“when I told her.支撑解释了群中首句Although she didnt know the bike trip well, she insisted that she organize the trip properly.结构彳艮 严谨，内容很连贯。语言点分析:1）时态：句群介绍身边人物通常的一贯的性格特点，用一般现在时；句群举例说明 她在“组织旅行”这件时的具体表现，已经发生过，用一般过去式；句群又 回到主题，介绍他通常一贯的性格特点，同句群一样，用一般现在时。本文 线索明显，即“stubborn”贯穿全文。2）重要词汇:
32、Shortcoming ,stubborn ,determined ,give up ,make up ones mind ,change ones mind , insist这些词汇中有名词，形容词，动词，短语。词性多样，词汇丰富， 统统围绕一个中心词“stubborn”，鲜明地突出了主人翁的顽固要强的性格特点。 其中stubborn为shortcoming的下位词汇，概念范围更小的词汇，determined与 stubborn, insist, give up与change ones mind本文实为近义表达，可有效防止 重复。动词insist义为“坚持（认为）” “坚持主张，要求”时用法
33、不一样。后者 在insist that sb （should） do sth中用的是虚拟语气，表达说话人的一种愿望，倾 听动词“should”可省略，但后面的动词只能用原型如do/be done 3）重要句型：When.she.;when.shen这个并列状语从句结构重复出现，很恰当，很能表 明my sister不听劝的特点；it be hard to do.it作形式主语，真正主语是to do., 相关句子还有 It is easy/difficult/possible to do；once 义为“一次” “曾经” “一 旦”等，这里作连词，指“一旦”引导条件状语从句，如Once I los
34、e the game, I wont play it again.句型仿写：多重句群翻译地震破坏力太大了。人们所见之处都被毁掉了。所有的城市医院，75%的工 厂建筑，90%的家园都不见。两座大坝塌陷了，铁轨也不能通行了。半数的家畜 都死掉了。人们恐慌极了，不知道这个灾害会持续多久。句群结构分析：共有&个句群，句群包括前两句总体介绍地震的破坏力；句群描写地震的 具体表现,其中有场景描写;句群描写地震对人的影响，属于情感描写和心理 活动描写一三个句群独立，又向前开展。如下列图所示：, 一语言点分析：1）时态：一般过去式2） 重要词汇：destroy, fall down, and, railway
35、, livestock（s）, panic, last3）可用句型：sothat/when引导的名词性从句/定语从句 译文：The earthquake was so powerful that nearly everything they saw was destroyed.All of the citys hospitals,75%of its factories and buildings and 90% of its homes were gone. Two dams fell and the railway tracks now became useless. People were
36、 panicked. They began to wonder how long the disaster would last. 归纳记叙文逻辑结构：（待写）.分析句群内容与描写内容丰富，动作描写，情感描写，场景描写内容融洽度，描写之间的呼应，及与原文的呼应.分析线索每个句群像圆，意义独立完整，需要一条线把这些圆串起来，仿佛珍珠一样，连 贯。关键词的串联.分析语言语言丰富性：概念丰富：对应，同近义词，反义词使用，上下位概念指代;词性灵活：多种词性变化句式多样：各种描写有序穿插四、同伴评读1 .按评分标准判读内容、关键词、词汇语法问题2 .提供经验.总结教训（需要后测么？教师判分）一、读后续写
37、问题（需要前测么？测语言错误，测平均分）.语言表达问题（需进一步调查哪些语言问题）词汇语法错用句子和观点表达不当1 .情节设计问题散漫指逻辑连贯性和目的性比拟差的一种思维特点，与思维混乱不同。请看下文 最近一篇学生习作。woke jpLmr He卜“zeM，t入5 Aoa baen ft巧 占,仆丛4 处卜父4, q4 Ke nofeH 吧口 印excMAly ：“工 3。$ OK： The n讣w dkcZrcsme5nd 53 exzle orcu-eu IcM-tlons on 7 Vile 八？刊力 jle 3次卜 vj cxsy. ken ffX - C tz p3gc bade km. AM、* 1VR Axyt