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1、应用文写作导写(思路点拨+考场文点评+总分值作文点评)假定你是李华，暑假想去一家外资公司兼职，已写好申请书和个人简历 (resume)。给外教Ms. Jenkins写信，请她帮你修改所附材料的文字和格式 (format)。注意：1 .词数100左右；2 .可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。【思路点拨】根据写作提纲可知，所写文章应包括以下内容：(1)自我介绍：介绍写信人是李华，是收信人Ms. Jenkins的学生；(2)写信目的：希望得到对方的帮助；(3)陈述写信的背景：在暑假，“我”想去一家外资公司兼职。现已写好申请 书和个人简历，请对方帮“我”修改所附材料的文字和格式；(4)客套话：真诚地期待
2、对方出手相助。(5)合适的结束语：Thank you for your timely help, /thank you for your kindness. / Td be very grateful if you checked my application. /1 would appreciate it if you offered me some advice.另外，为使求助信的内容详实，行文连贯，考生应依据写作情境，适当增加 一些相关的细节。例如：“我”为什么要在暑假做兼职工作？出于对老师的信任才 向老师发出求助；希望对方在什么时间之前修改好简历，并发回等。考前须知：（1）这是一封求助
3、信，写信的目的是向外教寻求帮助，请她帮自己修改已 经写好的申请书和个人简历。别把书信写成一封简单的申请信。（2）适当增加要点，给外教介绍写信的背景：本人想在暑期去一家外资公 司做兼职，已经写好了申请书和个人简历。请外教帮自己修改所附材料的文字 和格式。（3） 一定要告诉外教，本人已经写好了申请书和个人简历，请她查看所附 的材料。【考生作文】Ms. Jenkins,Long time no see.How is it going? The students really miss you very much. Every one of us accepts to see you soon. Th
4、ese days, I wrote some plans about summer vacation and my arrangements. I want to do a part-time job in a foreign company in my city. What do you think of my plan? I have written an application and personal resume. Could you help me correct something wrong? I really want to get this job, so please h
5、elp me correct the unsuitable words and format. I have put it in the letter.Thanks for your help. Tm looking forward to your reply.Yours,Li Hua【点评】本文分段合理，这封书信由三个段落组成。第一段首先表达对外教的思念之 情，然后话题转到暑期做兼职工作这个话题上。第二段请外教修改自己的申请 书和简历。第三段表示感谢。虽然考生能够使用正确的句子表达思想，文中正确的句子也比拟多，但是短 文的写作要点不齐全，这就降低了文章的得分档次。应在第二段的最后告诉外 教，
6、希望她在什么时间修改好后发给自己。由于考生驾驭语言的能力有限，文中出现少量语法错误。具体如下：“Long time no see.”是口语中常用的问候语，出现在书面文体中不合适。Everyone of us”为错误表达，应改为Every one of us。很可能由于紧 张，考生误将expects写成excepts。虽然本句没有语法错误，但是不符合这封书信的写作目的。李华写信的目 的不是征求外教对暑期做兼职工作一事的看法，而是请她校对自己写的申请书 和个人简历。本句明显带有汉语句式的痕迹，语言表达非常不地道。而且，本句为疑问 句，应把 something 改为 anything 0“the u
7、nsuitable words and format”是明显的汉语式英语。本句可改为 “please help me correct any mistakes you find in my application and check my format”。句子难度系数太低，应尝试使用高级的词汇。可改为I have attached my application and personal resume in the letter.”。【总分值作文】Ms. Jenkins,I am Li Hua. How are you doing these days? I am writing to ask
8、you to polish my letter of application and resume. Here is the detailed information.Since I will have a two-month summer holiday after graduating from senior high school, I have decided to do a part-time job in a foreign-funded enterprise. Now I have completed my application and resume. However, I a
9、m not sure about whether the words and material attached are correct.Would you please help me to check them when it is convenient for you?I would appreciate it if you offered me timely help. Looking forward to your early reply.Yours,Li Hua【点评】短文要点齐全，语言流畅，层次清楚，结构完整。第一段作者先做了自我介 绍，然后说明写作目的。第二段陈述了写信的背景，
10、想在高中毕业后的暑假到 外企去打工。本人已经写好申请书和简历，请外教帮自己修改一下附件的措辞 和格式。最后，向对方表示感谢。文中使用了很多短语和复杂结构，而且简单 句、复合句穿插使用，表达形式灵活多样，显示出了作者扎实的语言基本功和 高超的写作技巧。本文中的亮点有：1 .高级词汇 application, foreign-funded enterprise, however 的使用为 短文锦上添花，使语言非常地道，表达流畅。2 .过渡句Here is the detailed information.”客套话“Would you please.n 和委婉言吾“1 would appreciat
11、e it if”的恰当使用使短文前后连贯，结构严谨。而 且，语气显得非常礼貌，符合求助信的特点。3 .其他高级表达有：动词不定式作目的状语：I am writing to ask you to polish my letter of application and resume.状语从句：Since I will have a two-month summer holiday after graduating from senior high school, I have decided to do a part-time job in a foreign-funded enterprise. Would you please help me to check them when it is convenient for you?宾语从句：I am not sure about whether the words and material attached are correct. I would appreciate it if you offered me timely help.