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1、读后续写练习写作与讲评讲义阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。One weekend in July,Janeand her husband,Tom,had driven three hours tocampovernight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately, on the way an unpleasant subject came up and they started to quarrel. By the time they reached thelake,Jane was so angry that she said
2、 to Tom. “Im going to find a better spot for us to camp andwalkedaway.With no path to follow, Jane just walked on for quite a long time. After she hadclimbedto a high place. she turned around, hoping to see the lake. To her surprise, she saw nothing but forest and, far beyond, a snowcapped mountain
3、top. She suddenly realized that she was lost.“Tom! she cried. Help!No reply. If only she had not left her mobile phone in that bag with Tom. Jane kept moving, but the farther she walked, the more confused she became. As night was beginning to fall, Jane was so tired that she had to stop for the nigh
4、t. Lying awake in the dark, Jane wanted very much to be with Tom and her family. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him.Jane rose at the break of day, hungry and thirsty. She could hear water trickling (滴落）somewhereat a distance. Quickly she followed the sound to astream.To her g
5、reat joy, she also saw some berry bushes. She drank and ate a few berries. Never in her life had she tasted anything better. Feeling stronger now. Jane began to walk along the stream and hope it would lead her to the lake.As she picked her way carefully along the stream, Jane heard ahelicopter. Is t
6、hat for me? Unfortunately, the trees made it impossible for people to see her from above. A few minutes later, another helicopter flew overhead. Jane took off heryellowblouse, thinking that she should go to an open area and flag them if they came back again.注意:1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；2.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写
7、好；Paragraph 1:But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Paragraph 2:It was daybreak when Jane woke up.试题要点分析短文梗概 Jane与丈夫Tom去森林中的湖边野营，发生了争吵，Jane独自进入森林后迷路，露宿一宿，第二天仅以溪水野果为食，并沿溪而行。有直升机飞过，Jane准备以黄色衬衣吸引直升机注意。 关键段落与开头语 要求续写两段，第一段开头语为：“But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark ag
8、ain.”表明应续写第二天晚上Jane的经历。第二段开头语为：“It was daybreak when Jane woke up.”表明应续写第三天所发生的事情。两句开头语都是从Jane的视角来描写的，因此所接续的语句也以从Jane的视角来描写为宜。 答题建议文体 记叙文体。重在讲述故事，应避免轻易议论。 结构 分两段，共150词左右，两段词数最好能基本平衡。 内容 每段开头语已经限制了条件和情景，因此每一段的故事发展逻辑应与短文和每段开头语相符。一般来说，故事的内容以Jane在林中历尽曲折、最终与Tom相见、两人和好为宜，以形成一个完整的故事环。人物关系相对比较简单，以Jane为主，Tom
9、次之，如有其他人物（如直升机驾驶员等）则更次之。 语言 时态上，短文叙述发生在过去的一件事情，采用过去时。短文语言较为平实，没有大词生僻词，也没有过于特别的句式。续写时最好能延续这种风格，用词和句式上可以有变化，但不需要追求所谓的“高大上”，应以干净、明白、有表现力为准。除总结性的语句外，应注意多使用注重细节的描绘性、描述性的语言。要恰当使用语句连接成分，但需要注意的是，能够完成语句连接任务的并不只有连接词和连接性副词及词组，还有其他许多手段，如代词（代名词、代动词）、某些修辞手法（如重复、平行结构等）或句式变换等。续写的文气应与开头语相接。 形式 最好能紧接每段开头语续写，使开头语与续写部分
10、形成一个完整的段落，如果是在开头语行下方开始续写，实际上就是另外一段了。书写应规范工整。习作点评习作1But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane was sad. She sat by the stream， resting her aching feet. If I hadnt quarreled with Tom， I wouldnt have to be here. Jane thought regretfully， with tears welling up in her eyes. She want
11、ed to say sorry to Tom for losing her temper. However， the only thing she could do was lying by the stream and waiting for help. It was getting late and Jane fell asleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She stood up to find something to eat. She walked and walked until she came to an open area whe
12、re water and burries were available. Suddenly， she heard a helicopter. She took off her yellow blouse and began shaking it widely， hoping someone could see her. She shouted out “Tom” The helicopter slowed down and landed on the ground. With the door opening， Tom ran out. Seeing Jane， he was so excit
13、ed and couldnt contain his joy. He hugged Jane tightly. “Tom， I wont lose my temper again. I want to stay with you forever.” Jane said in tears.点评1 这篇习作故事逻辑性强，语言面貌总体相当不错，较好地完成了交际任务。从故事发展来看，习作与短文融洽度高，情节合理，有人物行为描述，也有不少心理描写。最为突出的是，习作在描写过程中恰当地使用了不少具有较强表现力的细节描述性语言，如“resting her aching feet” “with tears w
14、elling up in her eyes”等，使故事非常生动。习作也存在着一些语法和词汇方面的问题，如词汇拼写错误（如“berries”拼成了“burries”，“wildly”拼成了“widely”）、词汇使用错误（如“shaking”与“contain”等）、动词体错误（如将“having lost her temper”误为“losing her temper”）、非谓语动词误用（如第一段中的“lying”与“waiting”应为动词不定式）等。标点的使用也存在一些错误（如“I wouldnt have to be here”与“I wont lose my temper again”
15、后应用逗号，“She shouted out Tom”一句也未断句等）。但总体而言，这篇习作词汇与语法结构较为丰富、准确，这些错误不影响意义表达，语句间连接成分的使用也非常有效，因此可判为第五档。习作2But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane became more and more nervous. She thought she would be starving to death. This time How she wish a helicopter could come. But it didnt
16、 happen. She continued to walk to find an open area so that she could flag her yellow blouse. However it was too dark to look around clearly. So Jane made a decision， She didnt want to go on anymore， she was so tired and find an area which was full of grass， she slept soon.It was daybreak when Jane
17、woke up. She was very hungry and thirsty， She remembered the stream where she had looked. She walked back along the path “If I didnt quarrel with Tom， If I stay with Tom， didnt walk away， we must have a good and romatic evening.” Jane began to cry. When she felt hopeless， a helicopter came again. To
18、 her great joy， Tom stood at front of her at a distance. Jane was shocked and ran towards him. They hugged each other tightly. Tom said： “I wont leave you alone anymore.” Fortunately， Jane was found and they co点评2 这篇习作与短文融洽度较高，每段从Jane的视角接写，与段落开头语衔接合理。逻辑上，除“a helicopter came again”外，总体没有什么问题。应该说，这篇习作
19、还是比较顺利地完成了交际任务。语言面貌上，这篇习作问题稍多一些，比较突出的问题是标点的误用（如第一段第三句“to death. this time How she.”、第一段最后一句“She didnt.she slept soon”、第二段的“Tom said：”等）。与标点误用紧密相连的，就是大小写的错误。词汇上，除拼写错误（如“romatic”）和搭配错误（如“at front of”）外，主要还是语义判断上出现的问题（如“look around clearly” “where she had looked” “was shocked”等）。语法方面，这篇习作时态错误较多（如“wish”
20、 “didnt quarrel” “didnt walk away”等）。不过总体而言，习作对语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性有较好的注意，所出现的错误对意义的表达影响不大。语句衔接方面，除“But it didnt happen”一句显得突兀外，总体文气较为流畅。这篇习作可判为第四档。习作3But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane was very disappointed， but she didnt give up. She still kept walking， and tried her best t
21、o find the lake.She was screamed when she walked on the road. In the end， because she was too tired that she stopped to scream. She climbed a high place and fall asleep quickly， But Toms face crowded in her mind before she closed her eyes.It was daybreak when Jane woke up.To her suprised， she found
22、Tom was alongside her！ She asked Tom why she was in there. Tom said he called the police to help him， and they drived the helicopter they found her laid in a high place. Jane was so moved， then she told Tom how much she loved him， and promised she will never do it again！Tom was very happy and they n
23、ever have some quarrels.点评3 这篇习作與所给短文融洽度较高，与所提供的开头语衔接较好，写出了若干有关内容。习作形式上分成了6段，虽然如此分段并未受题目限制，但与正确审题存在一定距离。这篇习作语法错误较多，有时态错误（如“fall asleep quickly” “she will never do it again”等）、语态错误（如“was screamed”）、连接词错误（如“too tired that.”）、非谓语动词错误（如“found her laid” “stopped to scream”）、谓语动词屈折变化错误（如“drived”）、词性错误（如“t
24、o her suprised”）、人称错误（如“her walked”）、冠词使用错误（如“the found her”）、标点错误（如“fall asleep quickly， But Toms face”）等。词汇方面有拼写错误（如“suprised”）、词义判断错误（如“crowded”“some”）。幸而这些错误对意义的表达影响不是特别大，并未严重影响交际任务的完成。习作语句间连接成分虽然较为简单，却也使用了足够的连接手段，全文内容基本连贯。全篇共134词（不计开头语），虽然达到了130词，但与150词的要求还有较大距离，在判分时也需要酌情考虑。这篇习作可判为第三档。习作4But no
25、 more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane was worried about herself. She thought： “if nobody come here to save her she will die in forest.” Now， she stared to miss Tom very much. She stared to regret leave that lake but she had to walk away this place. She used her clothes tied tree
26、s hope someone could saw it. And the dark again， she had to found where to sleep otherwise she couldnt have power to walk. Before she was found somewhere to sleep， she decided to find something to eat. And then she climbed the tree to sleep.It was daybreak when Jane woke up. To her great joy， she he
27、ard some sounds. She looked around aim to finding helicopter or someone but time went by long time she didnt see anything. She began disappointed and she walked slowly. She was upset about alive when she heard water trickling somewhere at a distance. Suddenly， Jane began heard a helicopter very clos
28、e， she started to run， She was dumbfounded when saw Tom stood in helicopter. Her husband hugged with her and told her how much him loved her. They were cried a long time and leave this forest.点评4 这篇习作内容上与所给短文关系较为密切，与所提供的开头语也有较好的衔接，写出了较多的内容，应用了6个关键词语。语言上错误较多，上文所评几篇习作所犯的错误这篇几乎都有，比较严重的是，意义的传达受到了较大的影响，如
29、“She used her clothes tied trees hope someone could saw it”一句，“tied trees”意义不清，再加上“hope”无法分清是动词还是名词，使读者无法明白作者想要表达的意思。第二段中“but time went by long time she didnt see anything”也存在同样的问题。有的地方是由于词义判断错误而影响意义的传达，如“She was dumbfounded”。有的句子则是由于没有恰当运用衔接手段（加上其他错误）而影响意义传达，如“but she had to walk away this place”和“
30、She was upset about alive when she heard water trickling somewhere”。全文内容虽然有一定的连贯性，但由于意义传达受到影响，交际任务未能很好完成，因此可判为第二档。习作5But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane feels very hungry. Then， the Tom had climbed to a high place， he will help Jane. Tom look the Jane， he think shouldnt
31、walked away.It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Jane thinks Jane was dead. But he sees Tom at a distance. Jane feel very happy， Because he and Tom still have friendship. In the end， they were left the forest.点评5 这篇习作总体面貌简陋，只有57词，而且语句过于简单，错误很多，逻辑上也出现了很大的漏洞（如“Then， the Tom had climbed to a high place”和
32、“he and Tom still have friendship”），虽然与所提供短文和开头语有一定的衔接，语句间也有一定的连接成分，但产出内容太少，语法结构和词汇项目都很有限，全文内容也不够连贯，交际任务完成情况很差。可判为第一档。习作6But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Jane and her husband， Tom， had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately， they starte
33、d to quarrel. Jane was so angry that she said to Tom， “Im going to find a better spot for us to camp” and walked away. With no path to follow， Jane just walked on for quite a long time. She had climbed to a high place， but the farther she walked， the more confused she became.It was daybreak when Jan
34、e woke up. She could hear water trickling somewhere at a distance. Jane was dumbfounded. Suddenly another thought went through Janis mind like an electric shock. In wind and rain， she started on her difficult way. Soon she was at the bridge that crossed the Des Moines River， a bridge also built of w
35、ood， just like the bridge across Honey Creek. The plan， a world-first， will start on 19 April and run for a year. More broadly the Wakefield survey suggests that employers may be missing a low-cost way to give workers something of value.点评6 这篇习作粗粗一看，似乎还挺像回事：书写干净，语法正确。但再看一眼，就能发现考生没有实际的语言产出。习作第一段所有语句均直接抄自所给短文，第二段续写的第一句也直接抄自所给短文，自第二句起则从阅读理解题中东拼西凑抄袭而来，组合在一起毫无逻辑，且与所提供内容无关。这样的习作一般不给分。学科网（北京）股份有限公司