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1、哈佛幸福课课件150407perfection Still waters run deep.流静水深流静水深,人静心深人静心深 Where there is life,there is hope。有生命必有希望。有生命必有希望OutlineWhat is Perfectionism?CharacteristicsConsequencesSuccess and HappinessSources of PerfectionismOvercoming PerfectionismLearn to fail or fail to learnCrisis(Wei Ji)DangerandOpportuni
2、ty“The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one.”Elbert HubbardThe Path of Failure Age 22:Lost job Age 23:Defeated for state legislature Age 24:Failed in business Age 27:Nervous breakdown Age 34:Ran for congress and defeated Age 39:Defeated again Age 46:Ran for senate and defeat
3、ed Age 47:Defeated for nomination for vice president Age 50:Defeated again for senate Age 51:16th US President“Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.”Mohandas Gandhi“The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.”George EliotThomas
4、 Watson Sr.IBMAmy Edmondson(1999)“Psychological Safety”“If you want to increase your success rate,double your failure rate.”Thomas Watson Sr.“Origins of Genius”(Simonton,1999)Fail your way to success(Klem,1997)Perfectionism is an incapacitating fear of failure that permeates our lives,especially tho
5、se areas that we care about most.It is an approach,a cognitive and emotional schema,that we hold toward the journey of our lives,toward the process of getting from point A to point B.Perfection Vs.ExcellenceCharacteristicsDefensiveOpen to SuggestionsHalf EmptyHalf FullOver GeneralizeRealisticNo Self
6、-AcceptanceUnconditional AcceptanceStaticDynamicPerfectionExcellenceFear of failureFailure as feedbackFocus on DestinationJourney and DestinationPerfection Vs.ExcellenceConsequencesTemporary ReliefLasting SatisfactionInevitable FailurePossibility of SuccessWastes timeAppropriate Time AllocationProne
7、 to disordersHealthy ApproachHurts Self-EsteemContinuous ImprovementHarms RelationshipsAllows for GrowthAnxiety/StressCreative TensionPerfectionExcellencePerformance?Less Pain More GainLess Pain More Gain?*#!#?Sustainable approach to growthProcrastinationHigher levels of self-confidenceLearn to fail
8、 or fail to learnThe Luck Factor(Wiseman,2003)Creativity(Simonton,1999)80/20 Rule(Paretos Principle)Increase in flow experiences(Csikszentmihalyi,1991)Source of PerfectionismConditioningDestination=Reward=AcceptanceJourney=Unrewarded=Means OnlySocial environmentPermission to be human?“Emphasizing ef
9、fort gives a child a variable that they can control.They come to see themselves as in control of their success.Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the childs control,and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”Intelligence versus EffortHarmful Praise?(Dweck,2005)“When yo
10、u praise kids intelligence and then they fail,they think theyre not smart anymore,and they lose interest in their work.In contrast,kids praised for effort show no impairment and often are energized in the face of difficulty.”Fixed versus MalleableOvercoming PerfectionismAwarenessOvercoming Perfectio
11、nismAwarenessFocus on,and reward,effortActive AcceptanceBehavior changes attitudeMeditation and visualizationSetting a liberating goal or visionThe Platinum RuleHelping others?Applying the 3 Ps1.Permissiona.Acceptanceb.Respect for reality2.Positivea.Benefit findingb.Failure as opportunityc.Distracting3.Perspectivea.Dont sweat the small stuffb.Psychological maturityNature to be commanded must be obeyed.Francis Bacon