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1、TED英语演讲：这才是爱情应有的样子今日小编为大家收集整理了关于TED英语演讲：这才是爱情应有的样子,希望大家会喜爱,同时也希望给你们带来一些参考的作用!A better way to talk about loveOK, so today I want to talk about how wetalk about love. And specifically, I want to talk about whats wrong with howwe talk about love.今日我想谈谈我们是如何谈论爱情的。我尤其想和你们聊的是，我们谈论爱情时究竟哪里出错了。Most of us wil
2、l probably fall in love a fewtimes over the course of our lives, and in the English language, this metaphor,falling, is really the main way that we talk about that experience. I dontknow about you, but when I conceptualize this metaphor, what I picture isstraight out of a cartoon like theres a man,
3、hes walking down the sidewalk, withoutrealizing it, he crosses over an open manhole, and he just plummets into thesewer below. And I picture it this way because falling is not jumping. Fallingis accidental, its uncontrollable. Its something that happens to us withoutour consent. And this this is the
4、 main way we talk about starting a new relationship.我们大多数人在一生中可能深爱过几次，在英语中，坠入爱河这个比方，是我们谈论这段经验的主要方式。我不知道你是怎么想的，但是当我把这个比方概念化的时候，我脑海里出现的是一幅漫画就像有一个人，他走在人行道上，没有意识到自己走过一个打开的井盖，然后他就一头栽进下面的下水道里。我会这么想是因为，坠落不是跳动。坠落是偶然的，是无法限制的。是没经过我们的同意就发生了，而这我们说到起先一段新的感情，主要就用的这种方式去表达的。I am a writer and Im also an Englishteach
5、er, which means I think about words for a living. You could say that I getpaid to argue that the language we use matters, and I would like to argue thatmany of the metaphors we use to talk about love maybe even most ofthem are a problem.我是一名作家，同时也是一位英语老师，这就意味着我以思索语言为生。你可能会说，我们运用的语言很重要，我认为我们用来谈论爱情的很多
6、隐喻甚至可能是其中的大多数都是有问题的。So, in love, we fall. Were struck. We arecrushed. We swoon. We burn with passion. Love makes us crazy, and it makes ussick. Our hearts ache, and then they break. So our metaphors equate theexperience of loving someone to extreme violence or illness.于是，我们坠入爱河。我们被击溃。我们意乱情迷。爱让我们疯狂，也
7、让我们难过不已。我们的心会痛，会心碎。所以我们把深爱某人比方为与极端暴力和疾病相关的比方。They do. And they position us as thevictims of unforeseen and totally unavoidable circumstances.My favorite one ofthese is smitten, which is the past participle of the wordsmite. And if you look this word up in the dictionary you will seethat it can be de
8、fined as both grievous affliction, and, tobe very much in love. I tend to associate the word smite witha very particular context, which is the Old Testament. In the Book of Exodusalone, there are 16 references to smiting, which is the word that the Bibleuses for the vengeance of an angry God.的确是这样的。
9、这些比方把我们看作在不行预见和完全不行避开的状况的受害者。我最喜爱的一个是smitten，它是smite的过去分词假如你在字典里查这个词-你会发觉它既可以被定义为极度苦痛，也可以被定义为神魂颠倒。我倾向于把smite这个词和一个特别特别的语境联系起来，那就是旧约。仅在出埃及记中，就有16处提到了smiting，这是圣经中用来描述生气的上帝报仇的词。(Laughter)Here we are using the same word to talkabout love that we use to explain a plague of locusts.Right?So, how did this
10、happen? How have we come to associate love with great pain and suffering?Andwhy do we talk about this ostensibly good experience as if we are victims?These are difficult questions, but I have some theories. And to think thisthrough, I want to focus on one metaphor in particular, which is the idea of
11、love as madness.我们谈论爱情时所运用的词语和我们用来说明蝗虫的瘟疫所用的词语是同一个。对吧?那么，怎么会这样呢?我们是为什么会把爱和巨大的苦痛联系在一起呢?为什么我们谈论这种看似美妙的经验时将自己看做受害者呢?这些问题很难回答，但我有一些理论。为了深化思索这个问题，我想特殊关注一个比方，那就是爱是疯狂的想法。When I first started researching romanticlove, I found these madness metaphors everywhere. The history of Westernculture is full of langu
12、age that equates love to mental illness. These are justa few examples. William Shakespeare: Love is merely a madness, fromAs You Like It.Friedrich Nietzsche: There is always somemadness in love. Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love fromthe great philosopher, Beyonc Knowles.当我第一次起先探讨浪漫爱情时，
13、我发觉这些疯狂的隐喻无处不在。西方文化史上充溢了将爱情等同于精神疾病的语言。这只是几个例子。莎士比亚:爱只不过是一种疯狂，出自皆大高兴。尼采:爱情总有疯狂的时刻。宏大的哲学家碧昂丝诺尔斯曾说过:让我看起来疯狂，像是爱疯了I fell in love for the first time when Iwas 20, and it was a pretty turbulent relationship right from the start. And itwas long distance for the first couple of years, so for me that meant v
14、ery highhighs and very low lows. I can remember one moment in particular. I was sittingon a bed in a hostel in South America, and I was watching the person I lovewalk out the door. And it was late, it was nearly midnight, wed gotten into anargument over dinner, and when we got back to our room, he t
15、hrew his things inthe bag and stormed out. While I can no longer remember what that argument wasabout, I very clearly remember how I felt watching him leave.我第一次坠入爱河是在我20岁的时候，从一起先这段关系就跌宕起伏。在最初的几年里，我们处于异地恋的状态，所以对我来说，这意味着要么极度华蜜要么极度苦痛。我能特殊记得那一刻，我坐在南美一家旅社的床上，看着我爱的夺门而出。已经很晚了，将近午夜了，我们在吃晚饭的时候发生了争吵，当我们回到房间时
16、，他把他的东西扔进包里，气冲冲地走了。虽然我已经不记得我们当时因为什么在争吵了，但我特别清晰地记得看着他离开时我的感受。I was 22, it was my first time in thedeveloping world, and I was totally alone. I had another week until my flighthome, and I knew the name of the town that I was in, and the name of the citythat I needed to get to to fly out, but I had no
17、idea how to get around. I hadno guidebook and very little money, and I spoke no Spanish.那时我22岁，这是我第一次来到发展中国家，我孤身一人。还有一个星期我才能飞回家，我知道我要去的城镇的名字，也知道我要飞到的城市的名字，但是我不知道该怎么走。我没有旅游指南，也没有多少钱，而且我不会说西班牙语。Someone more adventurous than me might haveseen this as a moment of opportunity, but I just froze. I just sa
18、t there. Andthen I burst into tears. But despite my panic, some small voice in my headthought, Wow. That was dramatic. I must really be doing this love thingright.一些比我更有冒险精神的人可能会把这看作是一个机遇，但我却愣住了。我只是坐在那里。然后我泪流满面。尽管我很恐慌，但我脑子里还是有个很小的声音在想:哇!这是很戏剧性的，我真的爱上这个人了!Because some part of me wanted to feelmiserab
19、le in love. And it sounds so strange to me now, but at 22, I longed tohave dramatic experiences, and in that moment, I was irrational and furious anddevastated, and weirdly enough, I thought that this somehow legitimized thefeelings I had for the guy who had just left me.因为我在这一刻想要被爱熬煎，现在听起来很惊奇，但在我22
20、岁的时候，我渴望有戏剧性的经验，在那一刻，我失去理智，生气和崩溃，惊奇的是，我认为这在某种程度上，我对那个刚摔门而去的我的男人产生这样的感情是合理的。I think on some level I wanted to feel alittle bit crazy, because I thought that that was how loved worked. This reallyshould not be surprising, considering that according to Wikipedia, there areeight films, 14 songs, two alb
21、ums and one novel with the title CrazyLove.我想在某种程度上，我让自己有点疯狂，因为我认为这才是爱一个人的方式。这一点都不惊奇，终归维基百科上显示有8部电影、14首歌曲、两张专辑和一本名为疯狂的爱的小说。About half an hour later, he came back toour room. We made up. We spent another mostly happy week traveling together.And then, when I got home, I thought, That was so terrible a
22、nd sogreat.This must be a real romance. I expected my first love to feel likemadness, and of course, it met that expectation very well. But loving someonelike that as if my entire well-being depended on him loving me back was notvery good for me or for him.大约半小时后，他回来了。我们和解了。我们又一起度过了欢乐的一周，一起旅行。当我回到家，
23、我想，那真是一段又可怕又美妙的一段经验。这肯定是一段真正的罗曼史。我期盼我的初恋是疯狂的，当然，我得偿所愿了。但是爱一个人就像是我整个人的状态感受都取决于他是否也爱我。这与我，与他而言都不是一件好事。But I suspect this experience of love isnot that unusual. Most of us do feel a bit mad in the early stages of romanticlove. In fact, there is research to confirm that this is somewhatnormal,because, n
24、eurochemically speaking, romantic love and mental illness arenot that easily distinguished. This is true.但我怀疑这种爱的体验并不是那么不寻常。在大多数人刚起先一段恋情时都感到有那么一点疯狂。事实上，有探讨证明这其实是正常的，因为从神经化学的角度来说，浪漫的爱情和精神疾病并不是那么简单区分的。This study from 1999 used blood tests toconfirm that the serotonin levels of the newly in love very c
25、losely resembledthe serotonin levels of people who had been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsivedisorder.1999年的这项探讨通过血液测试证明，刚恋爱的人的血清素水平与被诊断为强迫症的人的血清素水平特别相像。Yes, and low levels of serotonin are alsoassociated with seasonal affective disorder and depression. So there is someevidence that love is associ
26、ated with changes to our moods and our behaviors.And there are other studies to confirm that most relationships begin this way.是的，低血清素水平也与季节性心情失调和抑郁症有关。所以有证据表明，爱与我们心情和行为的改变有关。还有其他探讨证明，大多数关系都是这样起先的。Researchers believe that the low levels ofserotonin is correlated with obsessive thinking about the obj
27、ect of love, whichis like this feeling that someone has set up camp in your brain. And most of usfeel this way when we first fall in love. But the good news is, it doesntalways last that long usually from a few months to a couple of years.探讨人员认为，血清素水平低与相思有关，就像有人在你的大脑中安营扎寨一样。我们大多数人在第一次恋爱时都有这种感觉。但好消息是
28、，它并不总是持续那么长时间通常从几个月到几年。When I got back from my trip to SouthAmerica, I spent a lot of time alone in my room,checking my email, desperate tohear from the guy I loved. I decided that if my friends could not understand mygrievous affliction, then I did not need their friendship. So I stopped hangingout
29、 with most of them. And it was probably the most unhappy year of my life.But I think I felt like it was my job to be miserable, because if I could bemiserable, then I would prove how much I loved him.And if I could prove it,then we would have to end up together eventually.当我从南美旅行回来后，我花了许多时间独自呆在房间里，查
30、看电子邮件，急迫地想要收到我爱的人的来信。我确定，假如我的挚友不能理解我的苦痛，那么我就不须要他们的友情。所以我不再和他们中的大多数出去玩了。那可能是我一生中最不欢乐的一年。但我认为苦痛是我必需要经验的，因为假如我能感受到苦痛，我就能证明我有多爱他。假如我能证明这一点，我们最终会在一起。This is the real madness, because there isno cosmic rule that says that great suffering equals great reward, but we talkabout love as if this is true.这是真正的疯
31、狂，因为没有宇宙法则说巨大的苦痛会换来同等的酬劳，但我们谈论爱情时的确是这样的。Our experiences of love are both biologicaland cultural. Our biology tells us that love is good by activating these rewardcircuits in our brain, and it tells us that love is painful when, after a fightor a breakup, that neurochemical reward is withdrawn. And i
32、n fact and maybeyouve heard this neurochemically speaking, going through a breakup is a lot likegoing through cocaine withdrawal,which I find reassuring.我们的爱情经验和生理和文化都是相关的。通过激活了我们大脑中的这些奖赏回路，生理反应告知我们爱情很美妙，在吵架或分手后，这种神经化学奖赏被撤回。生理反应又会告知我们爱情很苦痛，事实上，或许你听说过这个从神经化学的角度说经验一场分手就像戒除毒瘾，我为此感到心安。And then our cultu
33、re uses language to shapeand reinforce these ideas about love. In this case, were talking aboutmetaphors about pain and addiction and madness. Its kind of an interestingfeedback loop. Love is powerful and at times painful, and we express this inour words and stories, but then our words and stories p
34、rime us to expect loveto be powerful and painful.然后我们的文化用语言来塑造和强化这些关于爱的观念。在这个例子中，我们探讨的是关于苦痛，上瘾和疯狂的隐喻。这是一个好玩的反馈循环。爱是强大的，有时是苦痛的，我们用语言和故事来表达这种感受，但是它们反过来又让我们期盼爱情是强大且苦痛的，Whats interesting to me is that all ofthis happens in a culture that values lifelong monogamy. It seems like we wantit both ways: we wa
35、nt love to feel like madness, and we want it to last anentire lifetime. That sounds terrible.我认为好玩的是，这都存在于重视终生一夫一妻制的文化中。我们好像想要两全其美:我们想让爱变得疯狂，我们想让它持续一生。这听起来太可怕了。To reconcile this, we need to either changeour culture or change our expectations. So, imagine if we were all less passivein love. If we wer
36、e more assertive, more open-minded, more generous and insteadof falling in love, we stepped into love. I know that this is asking a lot, butIm not actually the first person to suggest this. In their book,Metaphors We Live By, linguists Mark Johnson and George Lakoffsuggest a really interesting solut
37、ion to this dilemma, which is to change ourmetaphors. They argue that metaphors really do shape the way we experience theworld, and that they can even act as a guide for future actions, likeself-fulfilling prophecies.为了协调这个冲突，我们须要变更我们的文化要么变更我们的期望。所以，想象一下假如我们在爱情中不那么被动。假如我们更自信、更开放、更慷慨，我们渐渐步入爱河，而不是坠入爱河
38、。我知道这要求许多，但我并不是第一个提出这个建议的人。语言学家马克约翰逊(Mark Johnson)和乔治拉考夫(George Lakoff)在他们的著作我们赖以生存的隐喻(metaphor We Live By)中提出了一种特别好玩的方法来解决这个难题，那就是变更我们的隐喻。他们认为隐喻的确塑造了我们体验世界的方式，甚至可以作为将来行为的指南，比如自我实现预言。Johnson and Lakoff suggest a new metaphorfor love: love as a collaborative work of art. I really like this way ofthin
39、king about love. Linguists talk about metaphors as having entailments,which is essentially a way of considering all the implications of, or ideascontained within, a given metaphor. And Johnson and Lakoff talk abouteverything that collaborating on a work of art entails: effort, compromise,patience, s
40、hared goals. These ideas align nicely with our cultural investmentin long-term romantic commitment, but they also work well for other kinds ofrelationships short-term, casual, polyamorous, non-monogamous, asexual becausethis metaphor brings much more complex ideas to the experience of loving someone
41、.约翰逊和拉考夫提出了爱的一个新隐喻:爱是一种合作的艺术作品。我真的很喜爱这种思索爱情的方式。语言学家把隐喻看作是有牵连的，它本质上是一种考虑给定隐喻的全部含义或包含在其中的思想的方法。约翰逊和拉考夫认为不管是什么要合作创建艺术须要具备以下几点：努力、妥协、耐性、共同的目标。这些想法与我们对长期浪漫承诺的文化投资特别吻合，但它们也适用于其他类型的关系短期的、随意的、多角恋的、非一夫一妻制的、无性的因为这个比方给爱一个人的体验带来了更加困难的概念。So if love is a collaborative work of art,then love is an aesthetic experie
42、nce. Love is unpredictable, love is creative,love requires communication and discipline, it is frustrating and emotionallydemanding. And love involves both joy and pain. Ultimately, each experience oflove is different.所以假如爱是一种艺术合作，那么爱就是一种审美体验。爱是不行预料的，爱是有创建力的，爱须要沟通和自律，爱是令人懊丧的，也是情感上的要求。爱包含了欢乐和苦痛。最终，每一
43、种爱的体验都是不同的。When I was younger, it never occurred to methat I was allowed to demand more from love, that I didnt have to just acceptwhatever love offered. When 14-year-old Juliet first meets or, when14-year-old Juliet cannot be with Romeo, whom she has met four days ago, shedoes not feel disappointed
44、 or angsty. Where is she? She wants to die. Right?And just as a refresher, at this point in the play, act three of five, Romeo isnot dead. Hes alive, hes healthy, hes just been banished from the city. Iunderstand that 16th-century Verona is unlike contemporary North America, andyet when I first read
45、 this play, also at age 14, Juliets suffering made senseto me.当我年轻的时候，我从来没有想过我可以向爱索取更多，我不用对爱情逆来顺受。当14岁的朱丽叶第一次遇见或者当14岁的朱丽叶不能和她四天前见过的罗密欧在一起时，她不会感到悲观或生气。她在哪里呢?她想死。对吧?让我们复习一下，在第五幕的第三幕，罗密欧没有死。他还活着，他很健康，他刚被赶出这个城市。我知道16世纪的维罗纳不同于当代的北美，但当我14岁第一次读到这部戏剧时，朱丽叶的苦痛对我来说是有意义的。Reframing love as something I get to cre
46、atewith someone I admire, rather than something that just happens to me without mycontrol or consent, is empowering. Its still hard. Love still feels totallymaddening and crushing some days, and when I feel really frustrated, I have toremind myself: my job in this relationship is to talk to my partn
47、er about whatI want to make together. This isnt easy, either. But its just so much betterthan the alternative, which is that thing that feels like madness.重塑爱情，就似乎这是我和我仰慕的人共同创建的，而不是未经我同意或者不受限制就发生的，这会让人感到充溢力气。这仍旧很难。有时候，爱情仍旧让人抓狂，让人崩溃，当我真的感到懊丧的时候，我必需提示自己:我在这段关系中的工作就是和我的伴侣想要一起建立什么。这也不简单。但这比另一种选择要好得多，那就是
48、那种感觉很疯狂的东西。This version of love is not about winningor losing someones affection. Instead, it requires that you trust your partnerand talk about things when trusting feels difficult, which sounds so simple,but is actually a kind of revolutionary, radical act. This is because you getto stop thinking
49、about yourself and what youre gaining or losing in yourrelationship, and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer. Thisversion of love allows us to say things like, Hey, were not very goodcollaborators. Maybe this isnt for us. Or, That relationship wasshorter than I had planned, but it was still kind of beautiful.这种爱情无关赢得或失去谁