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1、这太愚蠢了This is stupid.我们怎么从上一集开始就在排同一条队？How are we still in the same line from last episode?可能要花很长时间所以才棒呀This could take forever. Its why its great.我们到底往前挪动了吗？Have we moved at all?我是没有为了节省体力我每天都限制自己的行动Not me. I limit my movements each day to save energy要是我遇见蒂姆波顿了in case I run into Tim Burton我就可以给他一拳他抄
2、袭我说话的语气so I can punch him in the face for plagiarizing my whole tone.万幸我们不能再排队了Luckily, we cant stay in line much longer.我们得回去看我每天早上播放的We have to get back to watch the video I show every morning 关于天下大乱的视频about the whole world exploding.不用兄弟我已经下载在手♥机♥里了No, dawg. I got it loaded on my ph
3、one.什洛浦星曾是个完美的乌托邦直到被小行星撞上Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia until the asteroid hit.一百个成人分到了一只噗噗One hundred adults were issued a Pupa.我们真要一集一集地这样下去Are we really making one episode go into another佯装我们是24小时那种广受好评的电视剧吗as if we*re some kind of acclaimed television program like 24?我们困在了一个已经人口过密的星球.strandi
4、ng us on an overpopulated planet.一直都是我在说话Ive been talking.抱着噗噗的人是我我叫科尔沃Im holding the Pupa. My names Korvo.这是我的演出我刚刚摔掉了噗噗This is my show. I dropped the Pupa.我们真要这样吗Are we really doing this?宝贝儿我们这集还在排队呢Can I have some of that cotton candy?但你已经是世界上最甜蜜的女孩了But youre already the sweetest girl in the worl
5、d.令人痴迷Swoon.我们去坐摩天轮吧在顶端我们可以云雨一番弄坏摩天轮Mwah!Lets ride the Ferris wheel and dry-hump at the top until it breaks 这样他们就必须来救我们so we have to get rescued. -Yes, please.好的走吧But theres something I have to ask you first.但我得先问你一件事杰茜卡奥波西斯你看到我的后脑勺时我就爱上你了Jessica Opposites, Ive loved you since you saw the back of my
6、 head in line. 你美丽聪明Youre beautiful. Youre smart.你穿波点裙子漂亮无比You rock the fuck out of a polka-dot.你愿意嫁给我吗？Would you do me the honor of marrying me?你说我名字的时候我就已经是你的了You had me at Jessica Opposites.看噗噗变成巨人了Oh, look, the Pupas a giant or something.要是不光能看到他头顶就好了I wish you could see more than the top of his
7、 head.那是哥斯拉吗？Shit. Is that a fucking Godzilla, too?不知道这是不是去年巡回售书会上的那个I wonder if its the same one that came to a book tour last year.天啊你们听见了吗？My God, did you hear that?噗噗和哥斯拉展开了 一场激烈的战斗The Pupa is in an epic battle with a Godzilla.我敢说他们在践踏汽车推倒摩天大楼之类的I bet theyre stomping cars, pushing over skyscrape
8、rs and shit.我们可以那样的我们能去看看发生了什么吗？We could be doing that. Can we please go see whats happening?你可以去但是你会失去你的这个位置You can go, but you1! lose your spot.我讨厌离开队列Ugh, I hate not being in line.宁可被阉是吧？Might as well cut my dick off. -Right?好吧我不去了Argh! Fine. Til stay.我很喜欢这顶帽子特里Im loving this hat, T-rex.和你的比起来差远了
9、Itfs nothing compared to yours.这里有个诀窍Heres a trick of the trade.这顶帽子能盖住脖子有助于吸掉脖子上的汗You get a cap that covers your neck. That helps collect your neck sweat. 很酷吧？Its pretty cool, huh?聪明的抉择Such a good call.我的帽子只盖着我的头像个屈♥丝My cap only covers my head like a loser.你不是展♥丝你是我认识的最酷的人Youre not a
10、loser. Youre the coolest guy I know.你也是我认识的最酷的人Youre also the coolest guy I know.你昨天说我应该被烧死You told me I should die in a fire.我开玩笑的I was joking.我早餐吞下的那些热硬币让我肚子不舒服了All those hot coins I swallowed for breakfast are not sitting right. 我要上厕所我们没有屁♥眼♥啊I gotta go to the bathroom. -We dont hav
11、e butt holes.我只是坐在坐便上冷静一下I just sit on the seat and calm down.另外我可以嚼口香糖Plus, it lets me chew gum.我的咀嚼方式太恶心了不能在人前咀嚼The way I chew is so disgusting, I can*t in front of people.好吧你去的时候我会帮你留住这个位置Fine. Til save your spot in line while you go.好吧我们在嘲笑谁？Okay. Who we laughing at?我是不是又不小心引用音抖上的话了 ？Did I accid
12、entally quote a TokTik again?不是就是“留住这个位置这种话只有第一次排队的人才说No, its just, “save your spot is what a line virgin would say.你是新手所以请让我说明一下Youre green. Let me explain.在专业排队领域特里需要的叫“位子寄放”On the professional line circuit, what Terry needs is called a line check. 如果你很酷If youre cool,你得像四分卫在场上临时改变计划一样说话you say it
13、like a quarterback making an audible.位子寄放啊哈绿色八号♥ !Line check! Omaha. Hut-hut, green 8!H如果我说“位子寄放其他专业人士就会予以尊重I say line check1 and the other pros honor it因为我们遵守古老而高贵的准那么because we adhere to an ancient and noble code.如果你不说位子寄放你就会失去你的位置If you dont line check, you lose your spot.更糟糕的是还有你的尊严But wo
14、rse, your dignity.所有这些造作的规那么都很难掌握All these arbitrary rules are hard to keep track of.这不是很好吗位子寄放！Isn*t it great? Line check!嘿玩得开心点特里亲Hey. Have fun, Terry-Dactyl.谢谢你提醒我关于位子寄放的事情Thanks for the heads-up on that line check thing.给我听好你这个没用的蓝色小贱♥人♥Listen to me, you worthless little blue bitch
15、.特里是我的这条队也是我的Terry is mine. This line is mine.你什么都不算You are a piece of aardvark shit.你真是判假设两人Your behavior is completely different from a moment ago.你被蜘蛛咬了吗？Were you bitten by a spider?我和特里排过数以百计的队Ive stood in hundreds of lines with Terry.我不会让你插足破坏我们之间的关系Im not gonna let you slime in here and ruin w
16、hat we have.所以快给我滚So fuck all the way off.等等你真是两面三刀Wait, wait. Youre being two-faced.我听说人类会这么做但我从来没见过I heard humans do that. Tve never seen it.真是叹为观止Fascinating. -Leave now or pay the price.现在走开否那么后果自负别说我没警告过你蠢货Dont say I didnt warn you, fuckhead.说曹操曹操就到欢迎归来特里宝贝Uh-oh! Speak of the devil. Welcome bac
17、k, Terry-cloth.你肯定猜不到刚才怎么了You wont guess what happened.莱纳斯刚才判假设两人Linus was completely different.他很刻薄说了很多侮辱的话He was very mean and said lots of insult.我走之前他很好啊Before I left, he was nice.我知道莱纳斯I know. Linus.给特里看看你的另一面刻薄恶毒Show Terry your other face. Get all mean and nasty.不知道你在说什么我们一句话也没说啊Not sure what
18、youre talking about. We didnt speak a word.你盯着地面就像一个真正的就像你脑子坏了You stared at the ground like a real. Like, youre so dumb.你不要胡编乱造了You dont have to make stuff up.我♥干♥吗要那样?Why would I do that?可能你嫉妒我和莱纳斯的关系吧Maybe youre jealous of my relationship with Linus.我有风衣和可以让我飘浮起来的漂亮水晶I have a robe an
19、d sweet-ass crystal that can make me levitate. 我永远不会嫉妒对着队伍打飞机的人Fil never be jealous of some nerd who jerks off to lines.你真让我难堪Youre embarrassing me.还记得我们排队Remember when we waited in that line等着进第一个吉米巴菲特巴菲特紧急护理中心的时候吗to get into the first ever Jimmy Buffett Buffet and Urgent Care center我因为吃了让我过敏的虾都快晕过
20、去了and I almost coded out cause I ate that shrimp Im allergic to?天啊那里胖仔超多Oh, my God, so many fat fatties.这条队一直往前不停This line is unstoppable.糟糕有个湖？天啊Shit, a lake? Oh, my God.我们要进水里了？真是天才Were getting in the water? Thats genius.我们比站在街上的那些白♥痴♥移♥动♥得快多了Were going faster than thos
21、e idiots standing on the street.好啊我们来偷这些自行车酷！Hell yeah! Lets steal these bikes. Sick!来啊科尔沃Come on, Korvo.和我们一起做深蹲Do squats with us.我们锻炼肌肉以防它们萎缩We work our muscles to keep them from atrophying.他不会理解的看看他的小细腿He wont understand. Look at his tiny legs.就像火柴棍只不过永远不会被点燃Theyre like matchsticks, except they1!
22、 never be lit.那就是两面三刀See, thats that two-faced shit.那是文字游戏敏感先生Its called wordplay, Mr. Sensitive.我得接个电♥话♥是我的死党杰夫Ohh, I got to take this. Its my best friend, Jeff.你会喜欢他的You would love him.我们是在婚礼排队等泊车服务生的时候认识的We met in a wedding line for the valet.你和莱纳斯到底是怎么回事？What the fuck is the dealio
23、 with you and Linus?怎么了科尔沃？他是我的排队丈夫What, Korvo? Hes my line husband.就像我有杰拉德我的旋转训练课丈夫Like how I have Gerard, my spin-class husband还有小比利我周日下午在好市多的丈夫and Billy Jr., my Sunday afternoon Costco husband.你为何这么介意？ 我没有好吧？Why do you care so much? -I dont, okay?他总是摸你的腰He touches your waist a lot.这是我们在排队时让彼此站稳的方
24、式Its how we keep each other steady in line.你看到那个外星人对哥斯拉耍古代武术了吗？Did you see that alien do ancient martial arts on that Godzilla?我想他还会和那个来到镇上的巨型机器人作战I think hes also gonna fight that giant robot that came into town.噗噗在和巨蜥以及机器人战斗？Pupa is fighting a giant lizard and a robot?这听起来太棒了我希望我能看得更清楚些It sounds a
25、wesome. I wish I could see better.这太令人沮丧了我看不到机器人This is so frustrating! I cant see the robot.我打赌它能做很多很酷的事就像机器人警♥察♥查派一样I bet it does all sorts of cool stuff like Chappie.这怎么能不让你沮丧呢？How does this not frustrate you?不知道啊因为我很聪明？I dont know. Cause Im smart?好的拜拜All right. Buh-bye.杰夫想要点烟熏猪排的建议
26、Jeff wanted tips on smoking a fucking rad pork shoulder.我认为自己是烧烤大♥师♥I consider myself a grill master of sorts.我错过了什么？-等等你不能回到队列里What did I miss? -Hold it. You can*t get back in line.“你不能回到队列里”You cant get back in line.你在说什么？我是这条队的老大What are you talking about? Im king of this line.你没说位子
27、寄放我没有离开啊You didnt call line check. -I didnt leave.我就走开了五步之遥吧I stepped five feet away.那就是离开了Thats called leaving.这个文字游戏怎么样？How do you like those wordplay apples?哦不抱歉但是他说得对Oh, no. Tm sorry, but he*s right.说位子寄放是个规那么Calling line check is part of the rules.没了规那么一条队伍就只是一帮站着的人而已Without rules, a line is ju
28、st people standing around.你知道那是谁说的吗？You know who said that?甘地或者凯尔冯提森伯格Gandhi, I think, or Kyle Von Titsenburg.不管怎样你出局了莱纳斯Either way, youre outtie-200, Linus.找一条更容易排的队吧也许去公园等婴儿秋千？Find an easier line to stand in. Maybe at the park for the baby swing? 你给我闭嘴You shut your fucking mouth!你就是个排队展♥丝！Y
29、oure a line loser!你不应该被允许站在像我这样的专业人士旁边You should never be allowed to stand next to a pro like me.这就是他的另一面There*s the other face.他真的是判假设两人He really does have two faces.我以为那只能在电视里看到-对吧?I thought that was just on TV. -Right?我希望你们都得性病去死吧I hope you both get gonorrhea, go to hell,那是不用排队的and theres no line
30、 to get in.别这样我们一起排了那么多的队呢Dont be like this. After the waiting weve done?我要重开一条更好的队伍Im starting a better line.那是违反古老规那么的Thats against the ancient codes.什么规那么不规那么 Fuck the codes. 我是莱纳斯Im Linus.我的名字里就有排队一词Line is in my name.大家好Hey, everyone!那是莱纳斯吗？-莱纳斯Is that Linus? -Linus!他是三连冠的排队冠军He won the Standee
31、 three years in a row.我看到队列里有很多熟悉的面孔如果你是专业人士I see a lot of familiar faces in line, and if you*re a pro, 而不是蓝或绿肤色没有屁♥眼♥的屈♥丝 and not a loser with blue or green skin and no butthole, 那就跟我去一个更好的地方排队吧就在这里 then follow me to a better way to stand, right over here. 我们最好跟着他他知道自己在做什么We be
32、tter follow. -He knows what hes doing.但是拜托伙计们规那么呢But. Come on, guys. The code.你毁了我这辈子最棒的队列You ruined the greatest line of my lifetime. 那不是我的错是莱纳斯It wasnt my fault. Linus.我现在都不想和你说话I canrt talk to you right now.你想跟我提供我的爱好却让它成为了我的噩梦You wanted to share my hobby with me, and you made it my nightmare. 混&
33、hearts;蛋♥Son of a bitch.工作让人筋疲力尽Wow. Business is exhausting.宝贝你看起来帅呆了Whoa, babe, you look like a million bucks.我是说你看起来像是挣了一百万I mean, you look like you make a million作为一名出色的女商人我确实是being a kick-ass businesswoman. -I am.这市场简直疯了你知道是什么样的The markets went wild. You know how it is.升值和贬值股票和债券图表和饼图Ups
34、and downs, stocks and bonds, charts and pie.我做了没有小牛肉的小牛肉帕尔马干酪你的最爱I made of veal parmesan without the Veal. Your fave.脱掉高跟鞋享受一顿美餐吧Kick off those heels and enjoy a nice meal.这看起来太美妙了This looks amazing.但我晚餐唯一想要的But the only thing I want for dinner是你后脑勺上的嘴落在我的唇上先生is your hair-mouth on my mouth-mouth, mi
35、ster.真不敢相信我们结婚十年了I cannot believe, after ten years of marriage,还是如此热情高涨we still have so much passion.现在把我翻过来就像你翻那个没有牛肉的牛肉帕尔马干酪Now, flip me over like you flipped that not-veal parmesan 像摸土豆一样摸我把我拌成肉馅儿！Fingerling me like your potatoes. Gravy me!我喜欢你把食物和性混合在一起I love it when you mix food and sex,就像我的英雄艾
36、娜加滕一样just like my hero, Ina Garten.等等你看什么呢？Wait, what are you looking at?这贱妇没人能偷走我的男人That hussy. No one steals my man.你怎么能这样我们结婚了这么多年How could you, after all our years of marriage, 我工作一整天就为了给你的帆船付钱after I work all day to pay for your sailboat?她是朋友Shes a friend.真是难以置信I canrt believe this!我们向彼此承诺过的一件事
37、就是我们永远不会出轨The one thing we promised each other was that we would never cheat.你真是疯了You*re being crazy.他在玩弄你呢贱♥人♥Hes playing you, ho.他长♥期♥跟我亲热He fingers me on the reg.我就知道她在说谎I knew it -She*s lying.别听她的我没法这样生活Dont listen to her. -I cant live like this.我们结束了我要离婚Were through.
38、 I want a divorce!特里和我说话啊Terry, talk to me.你毁了一个五级队列You ruined a Cat 5 line.就跟打断了 一场强飓风的行进路径一样Its like interrupting the path of a strong hurricane.谁会去阻止一场给力的飓风呢？Whod stop an awesome, powerful hurricane?X战警中的暴风女神八成会她能控制天气Probably Storm, the X-Men. She can control the weather.这将防止财产损失It would prevent
39、property damage.你是在向我炫耀你更聪明吗？You*re rubbing it in my face youre smarter?真棒继续攻击我吧Great. Keep the hits coming.莱纳斯的事情很抱歉Sorry about Linus.我以为我遵守了你教我的规那么I thought I was respecting line rules like you taught me.我想我为你使用规那么而感到骄傲I guess I am pretty proud of you for using the rules.我很擅长遵守规那么Im very good at r
40、ules.真是难以置信莱纳斯排起了一条新的队I cannot believe Linus created a new line.Were still in line, baby.天啊制♥作♥粗糙低本钱的一集My God, a lazy bottle episode.他们感情丰富They have so many emotions,他们不知道可以让自己的情绪平静下来they dont know they can set their mood rings to peaceful 然后好好生活and get on with their lives.你说的话总是与众不同Yo
41、u always say something different.是吗？Ido?该死特里这太糟糕了God damn it, Terry, this sucks.我们什么时候做一些有趣的事情？When do we do something interesting?拭目以待吧Wait for it.我们即将做一件很棒的事Were about to do something awesome.爽吧春巴选手？How fucking dope was that, Chumba?我不认为往前挪动是一种成就I refuse to view shuffling forward as an achievement
42、.你不懂这条队很罕见You dont understand. This line is rare.这是我们专业排队人士所说的五级Its what us pro-standers call a Category 5.你把这像飓风一样分了等级？You rank them like hurricanes?是的严格来说这条队叫琳达Yeah, technically, this ones named Linda.她是个潇洒的女人Shes a handsome lady,混合了 三条队买♥♥苹果手♥机♥ a combination of three
43、lines: for an iPhone,买♥♥新款运动鞋a sneaker release,还有买♥♥Supreme品牌合作款三明治 and a sandwich branded with the Supreme logo.那是最恶劣的行径Thats the worst thing you can do.我们应该离开这里回家We should just leave and go home.为什么？我们都来好几个小时了Why? Weve been here hours.我开始喜欢脚下坚硬人行道的感觉了Im starting to like
44、 the feeling of hard sidewalk beneath me.但我们没戏了But we*re fucked.现在有两条看起来合规的队列了There are now two legitimate-looking lines.当员工开始接待大家的时候他们不知道哪条队列是真的When employees start letting people in, they wont know which is real. 新的队列里都是专业人士你看他们的站姿The new line is all pros. Look at the way they stand.他们站得很出色They ar
45、e standing pretty excellently.他们的姿势无可挑剔Their posture is impeccable.而我们被困在一群没精打采的人群里We got stuck with a bunch of slouchers.商店会选那条队的The store is gonna choose that line.看着我这让我很难说出口Look at me. This is hard for me to say.我不喜欢恭维人I donrt like to compliment.你又懒又烦人-继续Youre lazy and annoying. -Continue.但你是我见过
46、的最好的排队人员But youre the best line-stander Ive ever seen.你让这事看起来轻而易举You make it look easy.你可以站在这里几个小时直直地盯着前方You could stand here hours staring straight ahead, 并且你还很享受这时间and you*d have the time of your life.那是进入状态了Its being in the zone.记住你喜欢排队的原因Remember what you loved about lines.回想一下在所有的装备杂♥志&h
47、earts;Think back, before all the gear, magazines, 和排队的生活方式出现之前and lifestyle of lines took over.是啊我喜欢那时的宁静Yeah, I loved how peaceful it was.没错你不需要莱纳斯或那些专业人士Exactly, you dont need Linus or any of those pros.队列不在这里The line isnt out here.而是在你心里一直就是Its inside you. Has been all along.你说得对天啊我能做到Youre right, God damn it! I can do this.嘿莱纳斯你这个挖鼻子的家伙Hey, Linus, you little nose picker.就像打乒乓球一样Its on like Ping-Pong.你会像个愁眉苦脸的小丑一样败北Youre going down like a clown with a frown 会被击毙whos about to get shot你干什么呢？Wh