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1、_老友记第一季字幕The One Where Monica Gets A New Roommate六人行 第1季 第01集 莫妮卡的新室友Theres nothing to tell. Its just some guy I work with.没什么好说的！ 他不过是我的同事！Youre going out with the guy.少来了，你和那个人一起出去！There has to be something wrong with him.和你交往的男人一定有问题！All right,Joey. Be nice.打住，乔伊，嘴下留德So does he have a hump and a
2、hairpiece?他驼背？既驼背又带假发？Wait,does he eat chalk?慢着，他吃粉笔吗？I dont want her to go through what I did with Carl.我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙Okay,everybody relax. This is not even a date.各位别急， 这不算约会Its just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.我们不过是出去吃晚餐 而且不做爱Sounds like a date to me.听起来好像是说我的约会Im in high s
3、chool,in the cafeteria.记得中学时代的梦， 我站在自助餐厅and I realize Im totally naked.突然发现自己全身赤裸Ive had that dream.我做过那样的梦Then I look down and I realize there is a phone.我低头一看， 看见有一支电话there.在那儿 Instead of Thats right! 而不是？ 没错Never had that one.我没做过那样的梦All of a sudden,the phone starts to ring.突然,那个电话响了What do I do?
4、 Everyone starts looking at me.我不知道该怎么办,大家都看着我They werent looking at you before?之前他们就不看着你?!Finally,I figure Id better answer it.最后,我觉得应该接这个电话And it turns out its my mother.发现是我妈妈打来的,Which is very,very weird because she never calls me.这十分怪 因为.她从来不打电话给我!Hi.嘿He says,Hello, I want to kill myself.这家伙说“你好
5、”的时候,我总想杀了我自己You okay?你还好吧?I feel like someone pulled my intestine out of my mouth.感觉好像某人伸手抓住我的小肠,从我的嘴里拉出来 and tied it around my neck. Cookie? 再在我的脖子上打结 要饼干吗?Carol moved her stuff out today.卡萝今天搬走了她的东西 Let me get you some coffee. Thanks. 我给你拿咖啡. 谢谢No,dont! Stop cleansing my aura.不,不要! 不要清理我的灵气! Just
6、 leave my aura alone,okay? Fine,be murky. 不要管我的灵气,好吗? 好呀! 继续痛苦吧! Ill be fine. I hope shell be happy. No,you dont. 我很好,好吧? 我希望她开心. 不,你并不希望No,I dont. To hell with her. She left me!是的，不希望！ 去她的,她离开了我!You never knew she was a lesbian?你从来不知道她是女同性恋？No! Okay?不知道! 行了吧?!Why does everyone keep fixating on that
7、?为什么每个人老是提它?She didnt know. How should I know?她都不知道,我怎么会知道?Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.有时候我希望我是女同性恋Did I say that out loud?我大声说出来啦?I told Mom and Dad last night. They took it pretty well.我昨晚告诉爸爸妈妈了,他们看起来还好Oh,really?噢,真的吗?So that hysterical phone call from a woman sobbing.那我凌晨三点接到一个女人打来的可笑电话抽泣着说
8、Ill never have grandchildren, was what? A wrong number?“我不会有孙子了,我不会有孙子了.”是怎么回事?打错电话啦?Sorry.对不起Look,youre feeling a lot of pain right now.没事的,罗斯,瞧. 你现在感到很痛苦Youre angry. Youre hurting.你很生气.你感到伤心Can I tell you what the answer is?我告诉你答案是什么?Strip joints!脱衣舞俱乐部!Hey,youre single. Have some hormones.别这样,你单身
9、了!有需求的!But I dont want to be single,okay?我不想单身,好吗?I just want to be married again.我只想.再次结婚!And I just want a million dollars!而我只想要100万美金! Rachel? Oh,Monica! Thank God! 瑞秋?! 噢,上帝,莫妮卡,你好,感谢上帝!I went to your building.我刚到你那里去,而你不在,and a guy with a hammer said youd be here,and you are.那个拿着大锤子的家伙说你可能在这里,你
10、真在这里,你真在这里! Can I get you some coffee? Decaf. 你想点咖啡吗? 无咖啡因的Everybody,this is Rachel,a Lincoln High survivor.好了,各位,这位是瑞秋,另一个林肯高中的幸存者This is everybody. Chandler and Phoebe.这就是各位啦 这是钱德,菲比Joey. Remember my brother,Ross?乔伊. 还有，你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗?Sure! 当然,你好! 你好You want to tell us now,or are we waiting for four w
11、et bridesmaids?那你现在可以告诉我们了吗,还是再等等四位湿漉的伴娘?Well,it started about a half hour before the wedding.好吧,大概在婚礼前半个小时.I was in the room with all the presents.我在礼品间里and I was looking at this really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.我正看着那个船形卤肉盘. 那是个非常好看的船形卤肉盘When all of a sudden然后,突然 Sweet N Low?有代糖（既甜又低热量）吗?I realiz
12、ed I was more turned on by this gravy boat than Barry.我发现我对这个船形卤肉盘 比对贝瑞更有冲动!I got freaked out,and it hit me:然后我吓呆了,突然想到:How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.贝瑞看起来多象土豆头先生呀I always knew he looked familiar,but.我总是觉得他眼熟,但是I had to get out of there,and I started wondering.不管怎么说,我必须离开那里,我在想Why am I d
13、oing this, and Who am I doing it for?“我为什么这样做,我为谁这样做?”I didnt know where to go,and I know weve drifted apart.我不知道该去哪里,而且我知道我和你有点疏远了but youre the only person I know here.但你是我这个城市里唯一认识的人 Who wasnt invited to the wedding. I hoped that wouldnt be an issue. 也是没被邀请参加婚礼的人 噢,我不希望提起这件事.I guess he bought her
14、the pipe organ,and shes really not happy about it.我猜他给她买了个管风琴,而她很不喜欢那个Tuna or egg salad! Decide!吐拿鱼或鸡蛋沙拉?快决定!Ill have whatever Christinas having.“克莉丝汀吃什么我吃什么.”Daddy,I just I cant marry him.爸爸,我只是不能嫁给他!Im sorry. I just dont love him.对不起,我只是不爱他了Well,it matters to me!这对我很有关系!If I let go of my hair,my h
15、ead will fall off.“如果我不抓着我的头发,我的头就会掉下来.”She should not be wearing those pants.噢,她真不应该穿那条裤子Push her down the stairs!我说把她推下楼Push her! Push her down the stairs!把她推下楼!把她推下楼! 把她推下楼!Come on,Daddy,listen!爸爸,听我说!All my life,everyones always told me,Youre a shoe!这就好像,在我一生中,所有人都告诉我,“你是鞋子!”Youre a shoe!“你是鞋子,你
16、是鞋子,你是鞋子!”What if I dont want to be a shoe?然后今天,我不这么认为了,对我自己说,如果我不想成为鞋子呢?What if I want to be a purse?如果我想成为一个包?Or a hat?或一顶帽?No,I dont want you to buy me a hat!不,我不是让你给我买帽子Its a metaphor,Daddy!这是个比喻,爸爸!You can see where hed have trouble.你能发现他哪里有麻烦了Look,Daddy,its my life.爸爸,这是我的生活Well,maybe Ill just
17、 stay here with Monica.也许我可以和莫妮卡住在一起I guess weve established shes staying with Monica.我猜我们已经确定 她和莫妮卡住在一起了Well,maybe thats my decision.也许那是我的决定Maybe I dont need your money.也许我不需要你的钱Wait! I said maybe!等等！我说也许!Just breathe. Thats it.呼吸,呼吸,对啦Try to think of nice,calm things.只想着一些让你镇定的好东西Raindrops on ros
18、es And whiskers on kittens玫瑰上的雨滴 还有猫的胡须（音乐之声的插曲）Doorbells and sleigh bells And something with mittens门铃和雪橇铃还有手套La la la something And noodles with string啦啦啦,还有一些面条Im all better now.我现在好多了I helped.我帮上忙啦!This is probably for the best.瞧,这也许是最好的?Independence. Controlling your life. The whole hat thing.独
19、立了,把握自己的生活. 就像你说的“帽子”的事情You can always come to Joey.还有,你还需要什么,你可以来找乔伊Me and Chandler live across the hall. Hes away a lot.我和钱德就住在对面. 而且他经常不在Stop hitting on her! Its her wedding day.乔伊,不要再勾引她了! 今天是她结婚的日子!Like theres a rule,or something?怎么啦,难道这还有什么规定吗?I got it.我来Please dont do that again. Its a horrib
20、le sound.请不要再这么干,那是很讨厌的声音Its Paul.我是保罗Oh,God,is it 6:30? Buzz him in.天呀,到6:30了吗?让他进来! Whos Paul? Paul,the wine guy? 谁是保罗? 保罗,调酒师,保罗?Maybe.也许是吧Your not a real date is with Paul,the wine guy?等等,你今晚的“不是真正约会” 是和调酒师保罗? He finally asked you out? Yes! 他终于约你出去啦? 是的!Its a Dear Diary moment.噢,真是个可以载入日记的时刻 Rac
21、h,I can cancel. Please,go,Ill be fine. 瑞秋,等等,我可以取消. 不,别,你去吧,没什么的!Ross,are you okay? Do you want me to stay?罗斯,你还好吧? 你希望我留下来吗?Thatd be good.那会很好的 Really? Go on! Its Paul,the wine guy! 真的? 不,去吧! 那可是调酒师保罗!Does he sell it,drink it?那是什么意思? 他卖酒,喝酒Or he just complains a lot?还是抱怨酒?Hi,come in! Paul,this is.进
22、来,保罗,这是.everybody. Everybody,this is Paul.大家,各位,这是保罗 The wine guy. I didnt catch your name. Paul? 你好! 保罗! 对不起,我没听清楚你的名字.保罗,是吗?Ill be right back. Ive just gotta go好啦,我就.我就回来,我要.A wandering?闲逛?Change.换衣服!Sit down. Two seconds.好了,坐会儿. 很快就好I just pulled out four eyelashes. That cant be good.噢,我刚拔掉四根睫毛.
23、不是个好兆头Hey,Paul,heres a tip.你好,保罗! 告诉你个小秘密She really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot.她很喜欢你来回在同一个地方揉她的脖子until it starts to get red.重复来重复去,直到变红为止Shut up,Joey!闭嘴,乔伊!What are you up to tonight?那么瑞秋,你今晚打算干什么?I was supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon.我本来应该到阿鲁巴度蜜月so,nothing.所以没事做
24、!Right. Youre not even getting your honeymoon.是呀,你都没办法过蜜月Although,Aruba. This time of year?不过,阿鲁巴,这个时候?Talk about your.你可以谈论下.big lizards.大蜥蜴If you dont want to be alone tonight.不管怎样,如果今晚你觉得寂寞的话Joey and Chandler are helping me with my furniture.乔伊和钱德要过来帮我组装我的新家具Were very excited about it.是呀,而且我们为此感到
25、兴奋Thanks. But Im just going to hang out here.谢谢了,不过我想今晚还是呆在这里吧 Its been a long day. Oh,sure. 今天可真是漫长. 是呀,没错Phoebe,wanna help?嘿,菲比,你要来帮忙吗?I wish I could,but I dont want to.噢,我希望我能,但是我不想Love is sweet as summer showers Love is a wondrous work of art爱情就像夏日冲凉一样甜美,爱情是无以伦比的艺术品But your love Oh,your love,you
26、r love但是,你的爱呀,你的爱,你的爱Is like a giant pigeon就好像一只巨大的鸽子Crapping on my heart在我心中排泄Thank you.谢谢Im supposed to attach a bracket y thing to the side things.我应该把支架固定在侧面using a bunch of these little worm guys.用螺纹蜗轮I have no bracket y thing. I see no worm guys whatsoever.我没有支架,没有看到螺纹蜗轮and I cannot feel my le
27、gs.而且.我的腿麻了 We got a bookcase. Its beautiful. 我想我们弄好书架了. 看起来不错Whats this?那是什么?I would have to say that is an L shaped bracket.我认为那应该是个L型支架 Which goes where? I have no idea. 它应该安在哪里? 我完全没有主意 Done with the bookcase. All finished. 搞定书架了! 完工了!This was Carols favorite beer.这是卡萝最喜欢的啤酒She always drank it o
28、ut of the can. I should have known.她总是倒出来再喝,我该知道的 Start with that,were out of here. Please dont spoil all this fun. 你要是再开始那些话,我们就走了 不要把快乐搞砸了Let me ask you.罗斯,问你一个问题She got the furniture,the stereo,the good TV.她得到家具,音响,电视 What did you get?你得到了什么? You guys. You got screwed. 你们呀. 天呀. 你被坑了. 上帝! Oh,my Go
29、d. I know. Im such an idiot. 我的老天! 我知道,我是个笨蛋I shouldve known when she went to the dentist five times a week.当她一礼拜见4,5次牙医,我就该知道了I mean,how clean can teeth get?谁的牙齿需要这么干净呀?My brothers going through that.我哥哥正在克服这种事呢,他糟透了How did you get over it?你是怎么克服的?He might accidentally break something valuable of h
30、ers.你可以试着砸烂她的一些贵重的东西 Say her Leg? 比如她的 腿?Thats one way of doing it. I went for the watch.那是一个办法! 我砸了她的表You actually broke her watch?你真的砸了她的表?The worst I ever did was shred my old boyfriends favorite towel.我干的最坏的一件事是 把我男友最喜欢的浴巾撕烂了 Steer clear of you. Thats right. 消除痛苦. 没错Barry,Im sorry. I am so sorry
31、.贝瑞,对不起,对不起You probably think its about making love with your socks on,but it isnt.你可能认为和那天你穿袜子做爱有关,但不是的Its about me. And I just这和我有关,我只是The machine cut me off again. Anyway.嘿,刚才答录机又把线路挂断了.I know that some lucky girl is going to become Mrs. Barry Finkel.我知道会有很幸运的女孩 成为贝瑞凡可太太的But it isnt me. Its not m
32、e.但她不会是我Not that I have any idea who me is right now,but you just而且我现在也不知道我到底是谁. 但你得给我机会去.Im divorced.我离婚了! Im only 26,and Im divorced! Shut up! 我才26岁就离婚了! 闭嘴! 你得停下来!That only took me an hour.我花了一个小时才弄好那个We havent had a relationship thats lasted longer than a Mento.我们的恋爱关系从未超过吃一颗曼妥思糖的时间You have had
33、the love of a woman for four years.而你已经和一个女人相爱四年了Four years of closeness and sharing,after which she ripped your heart out.四年的亲近和分享,最后她把你的心给伤透了That is why we dont do it!这就是为什么我们不这么干!I dont think that was my point!我不认为这是我说话的重点!Know whats scary? What if theres only one woman for everybody?最可怕的是如果每个人只有
34、一个女人适合I mean,what if you get one woman,and thats it?就是说如果你拥有一个女人,就成了Unfortunately,in my case,there was only one woman for her.不幸的是,她拥有了一个女人What are you talking about? One woman.你在说什么呀? 一个女人?Thats like saying theres only one flavor of ice cream.那就好像你只有一种口味的冰激凌Let me tell you something. Theres lots of
35、 flavors out there.让我告诉你,罗斯 还有很多种口味Rocky road and cookie dough and bing cherry vanilla.有石板街（夹杂坚果、棉花糖和巧克力）,甜饼果冻和樱桃香草You can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream.还可以和糖条,果仁,或者奶油一起吃!Its the best thing to happen to you!现在是你一生中最好的事情发生了!You got married. You were like,what,8?你难道是八岁结婚的?Welcome back
36、 to the world. Grab a spoon!欢迎回到现实里! 拿起勺子! I dont know if Im hungry or horny. Then stay out of my freezer. 我真不知道我是饿了还是饥渴了. 离我的冰箱远点!Ever since she walked out on me.从她离开我之后,我What?怎么啦?You wanna spell it out with noodles?难道你想边吃面条边讲出来?Its more of a fifth date kind of revelation.不,不止是要和你第五次约会的事情So theres
37、going to be a fifth date?噢,那么会有第五次约会咯?Isnt there?你不想?Yeah,yeah. I think there is.不,我想What were you going to say? 你要说什么?Ever since she left me.好吧,自从,自从她离开我之后I havent been able to perform.我就一直不能,不能.sexually.过性生活Oh,God! Im so sorry. 噢天哪,对不起,对不起 没事,没事Being spit on is probably not what you need right now
38、.我知道被人吐水应该不是你现在需要的How long? 多久了? Two years. Wow. 两年. 哇哦!Im glad you smashed her watch.哇哦!我真高兴你砸了她的表!So you still think you might want that fifth date?那你还希望有第五次约会吗?Yeah. Yeah,I do.是的,我希望We are gathered here to join Joanie Louise Cunningham.我们今天聚在这里参加乔安妮路易丝坎宁安and Charles. Chachi,Chachi,Chachi.和查尔斯恰棋恰棋
39、恰棋阿可勒in the bonds of holy matrimony.的神圣婚礼See!看!But Joanie loved Chachi. Thats the difference.可是乔安妮爱恰棋! 这就是不同!Grab a spoon.“拿起勺子.”Do you know how long its been since I grabbed a spoon?你知道我多久没拿勺子了吗?Do the words,Billy,dont be a hero, mean anything to you?难道比利,别逞英雄（永不止步：戴维寇克斯的故事插曲）Great story. But I got
40、ta go.真是个好故事!但是,我得走了I got a date with Andrea. Angela. No,Andrea.我要和安坠,还是安吉拉,是安坠约会? 该死Andreas the screamer. Angela has cats.安坠是爱尖叫的那个,安吉拉有猫Right,thanks. Its Julie. Im out of here.好啦.谢啦.是朱莉.我走了Heres the thing. Even if I could get it together enough.问题来了. 就算我想.to ask a woman out.约一个女人出来who am I going t
41、o ask?我该约谁?Isnt this amazing? Ive never made coffee in my life.是不是很不可思议? 我以前可从来没冲过咖啡 That is amazing. Congratulations. 是很不可思议. 恭喜你If I can make coffee,there isnt anything I cant do.我认为如果我能冲咖啡,我就什么事都可以做了I think its,If I can invade Poland,theres nothing I cant do.我认为应该是,“如果我能入侵波兰,我就什么事都可以做了.”If you fe
42、el like you have to make a Western omelet or something.你现在正进入角色,有没有想做个煎蛋卷之类的东西Although,actually Im really not that hungry.不过我还不太饿Oh,good. Lenny and Squiggy are here.不错,莱尼和斯奎基在这里 Good morning. Good morning.早上好 早上好 Morning. Morning,Paul. 早上好. 早上好,保罗 Hello,Paul. Hi. Paul,is it? 你好,保罗. 嘿,保罗,对吗? Thank yo
43、u so much. Stop. 谢谢你! 太感谢你了! 不要这样!Last night was like all my birthdays,both graduations.昨晚上我就好像我所有生日、两次毕业典礼plus the barn raising scene in Witness.再加上目击者电影里盖起谷仓的庆典那种快乐Well talk later.我们过会再说Thank you.好的,谢谢你That wasnt a real date.那不是真正的约会?!What the hell do you do on a real date?你真正的约会干什么?Shut up and pu
44、t my table back. 闭嘴,把我的桌子搬回去. 好的!Ive got to get to work.好啦,孩子们,我要去工作啦If I dont input those numbers,it doesnt make much of a difference.不过如果我不把那些数字输入, 也不会有什么区别So,like,you guys all have jobs?你们都有工作吗?Yeah,we all have jobs. Thats how we buy stuff.对,我们都有. 这样我们才有钱买东西 Yeah,Im an actor. Have I seen you in a
45、nything? 对,我是演员. 哇!我有见过你的作品吗?I doubt it. Mostly regional work.我不认为.大部分是地方性节目Unless you saw the Wee Ones production of Pinocchio.等等,除非你在公园小剧场at the little theater in the park?看过重排的木偶奇遇记It was a job!那还是份工作吧?Look,Geppetto. Im a real live boy.瞧,盖比特（匹诺曹的制造者）,我是个真正的小男孩. I will not take this abuse. Youre right,Im sorry. 别这样羞辱我. 你是对的,对不起Once I was a wooden boy A little wooden boy“当我还是个小木头人,小木头人”You should both know that hes a dead man.你们该知道,他快死了Oh,Chandler!噢,钱德