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1、精选优质文档-倾情为你奉上l 批改By Angela本次批改严格按照ILETS大作文评分标准进行。ILETS大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。学生原文Some people prefer to see live events( such as music and sports),but others think it is better to watch the events on television. Discuss both of views and give your our op
2、inion.Currently, more and more events- such as music and sports-have to be watched on the screen by individuals rather than to see live ones. in this essay, I will discuss two opinions regarding this issue.Admittedly, by watching these events on television, individuals could gain more information fr
3、om professional narrators and the best and the most splendid part of a show or game would be presented to the audience. Specifically, take the World Cup for example, without audio explanation, the individual who could do know the rules and regulations of football would not confused about why a playe
4、r gets the red card or why a team again the chance to take the free kicks, even though they see the live football match. On the other hand, there are also arguments in favor of seeing live events. One is that theater and gymnasium could create better sound effect and environment to the live audience
5、. In contrast, the television program never manages to reach a comparable level. Take the theater for example, the concert held in a theater would make audience being personally on the scene. Therefore, the presence of digital versions could not triumph over the experience of live show. In conclusio
6、n, in my opinion, which type of events for individuals to choose depends on their own interest. If an individual are expected to expand their visions without leaving their home, mass media offers various sports competitions or concerts. If an individual are expected to have a immersive feeling, live
7、 show could be the first option.l 文中标识：用词不当 逻辑错误 语法错误 修改添加Some people prefer to see live events(such as music and sports),but others think it is better to watch the events on television. Discuss both of views and give your our opinion.Currently, more and more events- such as music and sports-have to
8、 be watched on the screen by individuals rather than to see live ones.(The advance of modern society has offered people a wide range of options for entertainment. Instead of attending a live performance, such as music concerts an sports events, many people claim that they prefer to watch them on tel
9、evision.) In this essay, I will discuss two opinions regarding this issue. (I will explain both sides and my preference for live events. 介绍段落不可以直接使用考官的原题，尽量该换新词， 背景介绍不可缺少，最好在第一段就给出自己的倾向。 )Admittedly, by watching these events on television, individuals could gain more information from professional na
10、rrators and the best part is that the most splendid part moment of a show or game would be presented to the audience. Specifically, take the World Cup for example, without audio explanation, the individual who can could do easily know the rules and regulations of football match, it facilitated audie
11、nce not to get confused about why a player got the red card or why a team again gained a chance to take the free kicks, even though they see the live football match. （逻辑尽量简单，用双重否定时要记得check是非逻辑正确。）On the other hand, there are also arguments in favor of seeing live events. One is that performance in t
12、heater and gymnasium could create better sound effect and environment to the live audience. In contrast, the television program never manages to reach a comparable level. Take the theater for example; the concert held in a theater would make audience being personally on the scene. Therefore, the pre
13、sence of digital versions could not triumph over the experience of live show. （这一段论证很清楚。）In conclusion, in my opinion, which type of events for individuals to choose depends on their own interests.preference. If an individual is expected to expand their visions without leaving their home, mass media
14、 offers various sports competitions or concerts. If an individual are expected to have an immersive feeling, live show could be the first option.总评 6 （TR6 CC6 LR6 GRA5.5）1. 语法问题一般，尝试使用复杂语法结构时要检查逻辑是否连贯。2. 词汇运用一般，有换词, 但有的用词不够准确， 务必确定单词的意思， 以及这些词汇的搭配。3. 论证方面：本文论证很清晰，有相关的观点和解释。4. 出现很多明显的语法错误，另外可以再尝试多用一些从句，来短时间提升语法分数。注意一些连接词的含义，尽量准确使用它们。专心-专注-专业