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1、20225分钟英文幽默故事幽默能让更多人喜爱你，因为，幽默是你进行社交，进行沟通的桥梁。那么英文幽默故事是你见过没?下面我为你收集了一些5分钟英文幽默故事，一起来看看吧。5分钟英文幽默故事精选1)Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!Th
2、e store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.中间战术三个相互争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价!特便宜!左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!中间的商人随后打算了一个大招牌，上面只简洁地写着：入口处。2)Very
3、 Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, I‘m going abroad tomorrow,
4、 but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other. Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Joan went there and said to the matron,
5、 I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here, the matron said.Oh, that‘s all right, answered Joan. I‘m his sister.I‘m very pleased to meet you, the matron said, I‘m his mother!在其次次世界大战中，有很多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇
6、到了很多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，我明天就要出国，但假如我们能够相互写信，我会很兴奋。琼同意了，于是他们几个月里始终通着信。后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告知她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。琼到了医院，她对护士长说，我来探望军官汉弗雷斯。这里只有亲属可以探望病人。护士长说。噢，是的，琼说，我是他的妹妹。很兴奋相识你，护士长说，我是他的母亲。3)Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second
7、one‘s name was Bill. George said, have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?Bill said, Yes, I have, and he gave them to him.Then George said, Now I haven‘t got a pen. Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, have you got a stamp,
8、Bill? Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, Are you going out?Bill Said, Yes, I am, and he opened the door.George said, Please put my letter in the box in the office, and. He stopped.What do you want now? Bill said to him.George looked at the envelope of his
9、 letter and answered, What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?比尔说：有。然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。乔治又说：我还没有笔呢。比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治起先写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：比尔，你有邮票吗?比尔给了他一张。这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：你要出去吗?比尔说：是的。随即打开了门。乔治说：请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有.他停住了。你还要什么?比尔问。乔治看着信封说：你女挚友的地址是-?4)Five Months Older
10、The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor ha
11、d examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.How old are you? he said.Eighteen, sir, said John.But your brother was eighteen, too, said the doctor. Are you twins?Oh, no, sir, said John, and his face went red. My br
12、other is five months older than I am.大五个月其次次世界大战起先了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到特别惊异。你多大了?军医问。十八，长官。约翰说。可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?约翰脸红了，说：哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。经典5分钟英文幽默故事1.West PointMy father, brother and I visited West Point to se
13、e a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.One middle-aged couple approache
14、d a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point.父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿高校之间的橄榄球赛。起先之前，我们到处转了转，遇到很多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否情愿摆出军姿来让他们摄。好让我们的儿子知道，假如他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。一对中年夫妇走近一名特别美丽的女学员，问她是否情愿摆个姿态照相。他们说明说：我
15、们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。2.Present for GirlfriendAt a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. Shall I engrave her name on it? the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said, No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, i
16、f we ever break up, I can use it again.送给女友的礼物在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个珍贵的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?珠宝商问道。那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：不-在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，假如我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。3.Be Careful What You Wish ForA couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.D
17、uring the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband‘s turn. H
18、e paused for a moment, then said shyly, Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.慎重许愿一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天诞生。庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚20xx年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。呯!的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。接下来该丈夫许愿了。他迟疑片刻，羞涩地
19、说，那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。仙女捡起了魔术棒。呯!，他变成了90岁。4.Wood FireOne woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.Does that mean, asked the other, that they make ashes of themselves?森林之火一名妇女向她最好的挚友大谈雄性动物的特性：丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不留意，他们就会燃烧起来。那是
20、不是意味着，另一个问道，他们将自己烧成灰烬?5.Best RewardA naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.The best way, sir, said the deck hand, is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in.最好的奖赏一名海军军官从甲板上掉
21、入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能答谢他。最好的方法，长官，这名水手说，是别声张这事。假如其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。6.Napoleon Was IllJack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his
22、 father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.He‘s a good boy, said Jack‘s father, and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it real
23、ly well.No, no, that‘s quite impossible, replied the professor immediately. Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!Please, sir, give him another chance, said Jack‘s father. You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house,
24、 so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.拿破仑病了杰克到一所高校去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲确定去见教授，剧烈要求让杰克接着来年的学业。他是个好孩子，杰克的父亲说：您要是让他这次及格，我信任他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他肯定会考好的。不，不，那不行能，教授立刻回答。你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。先生，请再给他一次机会吧。杰克的父亲说：你不知道，唯恐是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。5分钟英文幽默故事精品1)He Was Only Wrong
25、by TwoJack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allo
26、wed to enter without an examination. Well, the dean said after some persuasion, I‘d better ask him a few questions first.Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.At last the dean said, Well, what‘s five tim
27、es seven?The student thought for a long time and then answered, Thirty-six.The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two.他的得数只比正确答案多二杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录用。有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见
28、院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝告后院长说：那我最好先问问他几个问题。然后他转向学生，问了几个特别简洁的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。最终院长说：那么，五乘七得多少?学生想了很久，然后回答说：三十六。院长摊开双手悲观地看了看教练。可是教练仔细地说，噢，录用他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。2)Real PlayWhen I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theat
29、er‘s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.逼真的戏剧我在北达科他州立高校教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于
30、我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。3)A Fine MatchOne day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch
31、that mouse.The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.Surprisingly, the picture of t
32、he cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!势均力敌有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很胆怯老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告知她：放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已
33、经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!其次天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发觉鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!4)Gardening GlovesFor months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands
34、 up and said, Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare.Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. Happy birthday, he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.园艺手套几个月以来，我始终在向丈夫示意我须要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：嗯，你确定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。那天晚上，我满怀热忱地拆开了丈夫送
35、的礼物。生日欢乐!他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。5)WarningSeveral weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to warn him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback b
36、y the disarray of his room. Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you? I teased.Are you kidding? he replied, Why else would I have bothered to clean?提示我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马高校的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫确定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，提示他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我特别惊讶。忘了我们要来，是吧?我取笑他。开什么玩笑?，他回答说，要不我凭什么费神打扫?6)Ground RulesOne of my favo
37、rite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however,
38、 object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running.基本原则位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立高校有一位我特别喜爱的老师，他奇妙的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：我知道我的讲课可能常常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以假如你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。第20页 共20页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页第 20 页 共 20 页